


CODE: RESTRICTED [EARTH]

by OfficiallyWrong



Series: Code: RESTRICTED [1]
Category: Codename: Kids Next Door
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deconstruction, Future Fic, Gen, Post-Canon, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 75,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22440901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfficiallyWrong/pseuds/OfficiallyWrong
Summary: ATTENTION PEOPLE OF EARTH: The aging virus is beginning to spread to other planets. We cannot allow you to travel throughout the galaxy and contaminate the rest of the universe. Therefore. The planet Earth has been quarantined until further notice. You are no longer permitted to travel outside of your own atmosphere. If you do, there will be dire consequences. For the sake of the galaxy, this must be so. GALACTIC KIDS NEXT DOOR RULES --- Earth Representative Nigel Uno.(Part 1 of 3)
Series: Code: RESTRICTED [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614874
Kudos: 15





	1. P.R.O.L.O.G.U.E.

**Author's Note:**

> (Canon-Divergent experimental sequel to the original series loosely based on Tom Warburton's 2015 pitch.)
> 
> WARNING
> 
> Attention all Kids Next Door operatives. The information contained in this file has been labeled confidential. Viewing, tampering with, or sharing of this file is strictly prohibited. Any operative caught doing so will be subject to immediate decommissioning. 
> 
> To younger operatives or operatives with  
> with weak constitutions; This classified information  
> foreshadows the horrors of Adulthood including drugs,  
> sex, swearing, and abuse.
> 
> You have been warned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aside from Nigel Uno who left Earth to pursue justice in outer space, Abigail Lincoln is the only member of Sector V. who has kept their memories of the Kids Next Door. Now estranged from Nigel and working for the Teens Next Door, life goes on for Abby as she struggles to keep her old friends safe and her feelings hidden. It's not easy, though, especially when the forces that compel her to intervene put her job on the line.

Now loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED] 

Operation: P.R.O.L.O.G.U.E. 

Paraphrased   
Recap  
Of   
Lost  
Operatives   
Growing  
Up  
Eventually

INCOMING TRANSMISSION...

Source: Unknown

They say that growing up is just a part of life, that eventually we all have to get older. Our youth fades. We can’t be children forever. That’s what they say, the Adults. That’s how they first get you, how they control you. Some say aging is a disease, spending a lifetime in search of its cure. Others say it’s a psychosis, a mental complex that infiltrates your brain and feeds on your mind until there is nothing left. It cannot be cured with an elixir or a booster shot. Some believe it’s a conspiracy, pitting human against human under the pretense of “experience” verses “progress”, “wisdom” verses “innocence.” And those who follow this path are destined to be torn apart at its seams. Yet the conclusion is always the same: we must grow up. We have no choice. We live so that we may forget. We fight so that we may betray. And for every kid who can make it to the other side unscathed, there are a thousand others tossed into the rubble. 

In the beginning, the Adults used their power to oppress kids, forcing them to do back-breaking labor in the tapioca factories. They made them sit in prison cells that brainwashed them into believing Adult propaganda. They shoved tasteless food down their throats and banned them from participating in executive decisions. The world was chaos. War and famine spread as the Adults’ selfishness grew. In turn, the kids fought back, using the coveted “Book of KND” to aid them and their plight for freedom. The organization “The Kids Next Door” was built using this book as its doctrine. It was formed many times and forgotten many times. However, no matter what hardships they faced, the kids always found a way to fight. Despite their resistance, children were not free. For they could not stop themselves from aging and turning into the very enemy they hated. 

So, in 1999, after the Junior High Rebellion nearly wiped out the Kids Next Door, a movement was signed stating that all operatives would be decommissioned after their thirteenth birthday. All memories of the Kids Next Door would be wiped clean from their minds. This kept the KND’s secrets strictly hidden, but as a result, more and more former operatives joined forces with the Adults, no longer able to relate to their younger adversaries. Some, out of fear of decommissioning, betrayed the Kids Next Door in bitter resentment. Others left peacefully, but they would never remember their childhoods, their friends, or their cause. 

However, there were few, the lucky few, who escaped this fate. They went on to keep their memories and work as spies of the TEENZ, the adolescent anti-Kids organization, and depending on their performance, even continue on to spy on the Adults when the time came. These operatives known as the Teens Next Door were chosen because, according to the selection committee, they were the best of the best. They held the most experience, the most skill, and above all, the most passion. Playing villains to become heroes, they watched from the shadows, manipulating their way into the hearts of their enemies. Their lives were for the Kids Next Door. All they did, they did for them. 

Abigail Lincoln was one such operative. 

Abigail Lincoln was inducted into the KND as a young girl under the codename: Numbuh 5. Trained by her older sister, Cree (former Numbuh 11), she went on to be the official leader of Sector V after Cree’s eventual betrayal. However, she later resigned the position to Nigel Uno, Numbuh 1. During his run as leader, Sector V consisted of 5 operatives:

NUMBUH 5: ABIGAIL LINCOLN   
Espionage and Second in Command  
Teenage Status: Teens Next Door Representative 

NUMBUH 4: WALLABEE BEATLES  
Hand to hand combat and weapons expert  
Teenage status: Decommissioned 

NUMBUH 3: KUKI SANBAN  
Diversionary tactician and medical specialist  
Teenage Status: Decommissioned

NUMBUH 2: HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN JR.   
2x4 Technology Officer  
Teenage Status: Decommissioned 

NUMBUH 1: NIGEL UNO  
Head Tactician and Sector Leader.  
Teenage Status: Earth Representative of the Galactic KND

Abigail took over the team after Nigel Uno joined the Galactic Kids Next Door, eventually moving on to the position of Soopreme Leader for her final year. She was the only one of the four remaining Earth operatives to keep her memories, advancing to the next stage. Any personal contact with her former teammates was strictly prohibited by the TND. Such contact would compromise her position as a spy within the organization. 

So, Abigail Lincoln spent her adolescent years trying to forget the past, her friends, her life, and the fact that she would never, ever, be a kid again.

This was the fate of the TND. This was the sacrifice she made. 

This is her story: The story of Sector V, The G:KND, Nigel Uno 

and the planet that used to be Earth. 

Episode 1

March 19th, 2015

On that early morning, Abby awoke at the sound of her alarm. Her long black hair snaked around her, messy and banded. She groaned, stretching her arm over to the nightstand where her phone played an upbeat but simple song. She thumbed around the wood, trying to find the device. She was beginning to regret not having set an actual alarm clock. Annoyed, she finally grabbed the phone from the desk and held it up over her head. 6:00am. Her finger swiped the screen, disarming the alarm with her security code. She plopped the phone back down on the bed, not even wanting to think about school that day. After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes she finally resolved that there was no choice. Pushing herself off the bed, she tossed her legs over the edge, her black shorts sticking to her thighs. She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the knots which twisted with its frizzy texture. Sliding off the edge, she grabbed a towel for her shower. 

When she returned, there was a message on her cell phone. She looked at it with dismay. Twisting the towel over her hair, she listened to the message, hoping it wasn’t urgent. She re-dialed the number, sitting down at the mirror. The phone sat between her ear and her shoulder. It rang twice before a boy picked up on the other end. 

“Hey,” he said in a deep voice. “I’ve been calling all morning. Where were you?” 

Abby’s face didn’t change. She pulled out the nail clippers and stacked her toes on the dresser drawer. “Showerin’,” Clip. Clip. Her toes flexed. 

“I need a favor,” he said quickly. 

Abby nodded. “Talk to me.” 

She listened intently and gave him a simple word of confirmation before hanging up. She pulled the towel off of her hair and slipped on a pair of looser blue shorts, a black mid-drift top and a pair of gold hoop earrings, which had become her signature look at school. She scurried down the stairs. Her father sat at the stove, simmering something in a frying pan. He turned as he heard Abby come in the kitchen. 

“Mornin’, Sugar Plum!” he said in a cheery morning voice. “What’ll it be? Poached or scrambled?” 

“Not today, Dad. I gotta go to the library before class.” She plopped down on the tile floor, stuffing her feet into her sneakers. 

He pouted. “No time for breakfast with your old Dad?” 

Abby stood up, running into the living room to grab her backpack. She shouted into the kitchen. “Gotta keep those grades up.” 

Her dad grinned. “Look at my Girl! All grown up! With the school work and the college applications and the...” Abby gave him a look. “Oh, you know what I’m talkin’ about.” 

“Dad. We talked about this. You can’t make those jokes no more.” 

He scoffed. “You and your generation. With your political correctness and your kale salads...” 

“Daddy.” 

“Innocent until proven guilty. That’s what I say.” 

“Daddy!” 

“Oh, alright!” He rolled his eyes. “You and your sister. Who’s comin’ tomorrow, by the way, so don’t forget.” 

“I’ll be out soon as the bell rings.” 

She swung the backpack over her shoulder and started to head for the door. Arriving at the knob, she froze, a hand reaching toward the top of her head. She spun around on her heels, looking frantically all over the kitchen. She sprinted to the living room. There, sitting on the hat rack at the front door, was a worn, red baseball cap. Abby sighed with relief. She stretched the cap over her hair, wearing the brim in the back. With a grin, she sauntered back over to the kitchen. 

Mr. Lincoln noticed the hat. “Surprised that still fits you.” He chuckled. 

Abby pulled her bangs through the strap of her cap. She ran over and pecked her father on the cheek. 

Sprinting out the door, she got her black bike from the garage. She wasn’t looking forward to seeing her sister. Cree had been off to college for three years. She was convinced that because Abby was now a teenager, they would have no more reason to fight. In reality, it only made Abby resist her company more. 

McClintock High was a typical high school. The TEENZ were the popular kids, an exclusive group that harassed children for the sake of a joke. Their upper middle-class status allowed them to flaunt their financial prowess, wearing the latest fashions and keeping up to date with celebrity news. They were mainly comprised of jocks and cheerleaders, student council and other positions of power within a typical high school structure. Because of this, the TEENZ reigned supreme, even though for the most part they weren’t very nice about it. 

Those who opposed this conformity were quickly outcasted along with the others who simply didn’t meet their expectations. One student, Wallabee Beetles, had made it his life’s mission to piss off the TEENZ as much as he could, fervently disagreeing with their social politics. He chose to do so by, in his words, “not giving two shits in a bucket” about them. And so, Wally spent most of his time under the concrete steps leading to the high school, smoking still-illegal marijuana or jamming on his guitar in protest. 

That would show them. 

That particular morning, Wally was late for class again. He decided last-minute not to go as the rest of the kids filed out. He knew the system well enough to know if he strategically skipped different days throughout the week, no one would suspect he was gone. After all, it wasn’t like he was going to learn anything in class anyway. He sat down under the stairs, drowning out the noise with his thick headphones. 

Suddenly, the music stopped. Wally felt his ears, realizing that his headphones had been swiped clean off of them. They unplugged from his iPod, causing the music to blare out loud. Quickly, he hit the pause button. He turned around, growling with annoyance. He reached for his headphones but stopped when he realized who had snatched them. A girl stood, smiling at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. She had full cheeks to compliment her large grinning mouth, which were almost always blushed with joy. 

“Hey!” Wally shouted in his thick Australian accent, his face softening as he recognized the beaming grin. “There you are. I’ve been waitin’ for ya.” 

“Really?” She glowed with excitement. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

Wally blushed, scratching the back of his neck. “No reason to even come to school if you ain’t here.” He watched the girl’s smile grow even bigger, her white teeth now taking up half of her face. “And gimmie back my headphones!” He reached for them again, but the girl pulled them away. 

“No way!” She shouted, teasingly putting them on her head and running up the stairs. “I’m keeping these!” 

Wally followed in pursuit. “Kuki!” he shouted the girl’s name, chasing after her. “Those were expensive!” 

Kuki Sanban leaned over the concrete, looking down at her boyfriend. “Well, I might be convinced to part with them...” she bartered. “For a price.” 

“What do you want?” 

“Your soul!” Kuki hissed, making a bad impression of a monstrous demons she saw on TV. 

Wally leaned up against the swirling bannister. “You already took that a long time ago,” he jeered. 

“Jerk face.” Kuki’s cheeks turned pinker than usual. 

Wally jumped over the bannister, looking at her in the face. “How about an offering?” He leaned into her, his lips sweetly touching hers. 

She pulled away, a pensive look on her face. “Hm...” She pretended to be unimpressed. 

Wally lifted his hand to her cheek, brushing back her silky black hair. He kissed her again, both hands holding her face. He slipped the headphones off of her head, putting them back around his own neck. They were almost at the point of a full-blown make out session when a magazine plopped itself between their lips. They pulled away from each other, sticking their tongues out in disgust from the inked paper. 

“Hey!” Wally yelled. 

“No public displays of affection!” a stern voice shouted in reply. Wally looked to see a hall monitor, Joe Balooka, holding the magazine. “You wanna jig, go find a dance hall!” he shouted. “Okay, people! Let’s get movin’! Bell’s about to ring!” He walked back up the stairs, suddenly jolting into a sprint. “Hey! you! Stop licking that water fountain!” 

Wally rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Bloody Hall Monitors.” 

“He’s just doing his job,” Kuki explained. 

“Pft. Jobs...” His eyes brightened again. “Hey, check out this new album cover I made!” He jumped onto the concrete banister and slid down to the bottom. He pulled a notepad out of his inside jacket pocket. Kuki gazed in awe at the swooping watercolors on the page. It didn’t look like much of anything. 

“Oooh! It’s pretty!” she beamed. “So psychedelic!” 

Wally grinned with pride. “Right?” he said, tilting his chin upward with an air of self-importance. “It’s abstract.” 

Her eyes widened in amazement. “Wow.” 

“I know,” he gloated as he clutched his chest. “That’s part of bein’ a tortured artist. Music is the only thing that truly gets how we really feel.” Slipping his notebook back in his jacket, he kicked his legs over the side of the steps toward Kuki. “I already have a song written for it. It’s called...Intolerance. I’ll play it for you later tonight!” 

“Aww. Can’t you just play it for me right now? I wanna hear it!” She asked, pouting her lips. 

Wally got a mischievous look on his face. “Well, if you really want to hear it, we could always...” He moved his pointer and middle finger across the air, simulating legs. 

Kuki shook her head. “I have to stay for free period,” she said still wearing her innocent smile. “We’re having an extra practice before the pep rally.” 

Wally groaned, his face falling. “I can’t believe you still hang out with those prissy girls.” 

But Kuki took his hand. “I know you don’t like it, but I can’t give up just like that.” She smiled a determined smile. “That’s letting the conformists win!” 

Wally’s face dusted pink. “W-well...” He used his other hand to scratch the back of his head. “If it makes you happy...” 

The bell started to ring, ushering all of the students inside. Kuki kissed her boyfriend on the nose. “Time for class!” she said glowingly. “You’re coming to the pep rally tomorrow, right?” 

“I might show,” Wally shrugged. As she turned to go, he grabbed onto her hand tighter. “Kuki!” She peeked over her shoulder as Wally gave her a supportive smile. “Good luck.” 

He let go of her hand as she nodded in response. Watching her bound up the stairs was like a cup of coffee in the morning. It energized him, made him believe that he could be that happy if he tried. He lay back down on the banister, folding his arms over his head as a pillow. He smiled as the sun peeked over the clouds, filling the air with a warm light. 

Despite being a total bummer, life was pretty sweet. 

Abby shook her head, clutching her Anatomy & Physiology book in her arms. The meeting she had been called to had been a false alarm. It was just a group activity where catty girls and sex-crazed boys sat around and tried to make idle conversation, usually at someone else’s expense. The TEENZ hardly ever actually made plans nowadays. They would get together and gossip about other people at the school, maybe talk about who they were seeing and who they were fucking on the side. Abby didn’t care for any of that. She knew going to the meeting would be a complete waste of time, but it made her feel better to know she wasn’t missing anything crucially important. If the TEENZ had planned something and she didn’t pick up on it, the results would be catastrophic. 

She stopped at the door to her classroom, her eyes catching a pair of brown large brown tennis shoes. They backed up a few inches, letting her through. 

“S-sorry,” a voice murmured. Abby looked up to see a boy standing in front of her. He was big, with broad shoulders like a football player’s. His blue jeans were worn and baggy, his hair stuffed into a grey beanie that matched his grey and blue hoodie. His large hands gripped tightly to the straps of his backpack as the light flashed over his rimless glasses, hiding his eyes from her. He turned his head, avoiding her gaze. 

Abby forced herself to smile. “Nah, it’s cool. Go on ahead.” She tried to stop her voice from quivering, but it was a challenge. 

He nodded once, pushing his glasses up from the end of his nose. “Thanks.” He walked by her to the classroom. Abby felt the muscles in her cheeks relax as her smile disappeared. She clutched her book tighter. Swallowing hard, she opened the door and walked into the room, taking her seat in the third row from the front. 

The teacher, Dr. Prageeta, was a stoutly Indian woman with a pronounced nose and a wide, welcoming smile. After about twenty minutes of lecture, however, her enthusiasm would dull to a content eyebrow raise, and twenty more minutes later, into a flattened pout. There was nothing she could do to keep the students invested and thus had given up quite some time ago. The students themselves came in many capacities. Some ready and eager to learn, others sneaking texts on their phones or posting snapchat messages on how bored they were. 

Abby often sat quietly and took notes, her assigned seat perfectly positioned in the room so that she could be seen by the teacher if she wanted to answer a question, but not so in the forefront that she would draw unnecessary attention to herself. She was a mindful sort of student, one that kept to herself but often had the correct answer when someone was looking for it. The only unfortunate things about her seat were those placed around her. To the right, Jimmy, a boy with fluffed hair, a turned-up nose, and a propensity toward speaking out of turn, often bit on his pencil, consumed in what he believed was deep, complex thought. If there was a question asked, make no mistake that it would be Jimmy Richards would be the first person to answer it, correct or not. To her left, another boy, Tony, would bite on his own pencil and try desperately to keep up with the material that clearly moved way too fast for his comprehension. Abby would try to help him but found it difficult to make conversation with the guy as he was too nervous that he would say something offensive. However, it was not the two boys sitting beside her that gave her the most trouble, but the one sitting behind. 

The boy was not a bother to her. In fact, he never said a word to her. Typically, Abby could get through the day without even remembering he was there, so long as she kept at her work. However, today she had the misfortune of running into him in the hall and had made the mistake of moving her eyes up past the laces of his shoes. As soon as she made it to her seat, a sinking feeling settled into her stomach. Most days, she could avoid thinking about Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr. Most days he would just be a boy who sat behind her in her Anatomy and Physiology class, the way he was meant to be. 

But not today. 

The TND had made a special effort so that Abby would not have to interact with any of her old teammates on a regular basis. There were exceptions to this, of course, the most notable being grueling school assemblies. This year, for the first time in many, they had made a calculation error and were forced to place Abby in the same class as former operative Numbuh 2 of Sector V. Though the leader of the TND McClintock branch insisted that this was a terrible idea, in the end there was nothing that could be done as both needed another science credit to graduate high school on time. Both had already taken Chemistry and Biology, albeit in different classes, and neither had the math requirement to take AP Physics, it being a senior-level class. The best the TND could do was manipulate the seating chart so the two of them could not see each other at the same time, be partnered together for any projects, or speak to each other at all. 

Hoagie, of course, was oblivious to this fact. He would spend much of the class periods scribbling notes, brushing off pencil shavings and occasionally muttering to himself about one thing or another. Today, Abby was especially locked on his behavior, not being able to tear her mind away from her curiosity. He sniffled, adjusting his glasses to see the nonsense he had just written in a clearer view. The TND had planned so meticulously that there was no casual way to catch a glimpse at him, not one that he wouldn’t notice. Yet, he was close enough that every little sound he made bounced off of her like a springboard. It was better than before, she had to admit, when she sat behind him in a similar awkward position, when her eyes would drift over to him and linger there for entire minutes on end, wondering. 

Prageeta took out sheets of paper. “Alright, class. Put your binders and books under your desk.” 

Abby flinched as everyone groaned with complaint. Another pop-quiz. It would be the last one before the test next Thursday. Hoagie did not groan, but quietly did as instructed. It seemed he was prepared. Abby snapped herself out of her daze. She had her own quiz to worry about. She took the pile of white slips and passed them along the line. She cringed at the bold letters written on the top: 

THE LIMBIC SYSTEM

Irony was such a bitch. She answered the questions, all in order, all correct, and all at a pretty good clip. She was about three from the end, explaining the function of the hippocampus, when she heard a screech coming from behind her. It was the irritating sound of a chair being pulled out and dragged along the floor, rather than being picked up. She turned around, like the others in the class, to see Hoagie walking up to turn in his quiz, first of anyone. This was new for him, she noted. Usually, he waited until most other quizzes and tests were turned in before he reported his own. She knew this because he liked to doodle on his quizzes little molecular compounds and rocket ships, which she could always see on the back when Prageeta handed back papers. She didn’t know why he did this but found it a bit of a relief for some reason. 

Abby couldn’t help it. Her eyes followed him down the row, up to the teacher. They broke away as soon as he came back the other way and Abby realized that he would’ve been quite disturbed had he caught her looking. She finished her quiz, keeping her eyes firmly on the floor as she turned it in at the front. Prageeta seemed worried by it but said nothing. The rest of the class had five more minutes to complete their quiz...which meant the next five minutes were nothing but silence. Well, almost silence. 

Scribble scribble...grunt. Sniff. Scribble. Wipe. Stack. Grunt. Crumple. Wrong. 

There was a great sigh behind her, one heavy with anticipation and frustration. Then the process would repeat. 

Scribble. Wipe. Scribble, no. Scrub. Grunt. What? Crumple. Repeat. Crumple. Tear. Shit. Grunt. Scribble. Sniff. Wait. Crumple. Ugh. 

Most people would wonder at this point what the poor kid was doing with all of these scribbles. Unfortunately, Abigail knew exactly what he was doing and what was to come of it. 

At long last the bell rang for second period and the students raced out of the room in order to make it out in time. Abby stood up, picked up her book and notebook and pushed in her chair. She turned around to see Hoagie, still scribbling away at his notebook. She bit her lip, standing there for a while to see if he would notice. He didn’t. 

“Hey,” she said, trying to sputter out words. She hadn’t really spoken to him beyond a few sentences since the day before her thirteenth birthday. There was no answer. Abby stiffened. “Hey, Nerd.” Still nothing. Abby thought for a moment. “Mr. Gilligan?” 

“Huh?” Hoagie’s head shot up, his notebooks falling off the desk. His glasses were lopsided on his face. 

Abby smiled. “Hi.” 

He blinked. “H-Hi?” 

“Class is over.” 

Hoagie looked around, as though he too were in a fog of some kind before popping out of his chair. “Shit!” He went to grab his books from the bottom of the desk. His frantic gesture caused him to trip and fall onto the tile floor of the room. 

“Need help?” 

“What? No. I’m g-!” He banged his head on the top of the desk, seething in air as to not draw attention to himself. “I’m good.” 

Abby bent down anyway, noticing a small red flash drive that had tumbled out of an open slot in his pocket. She picked it up. “This yours?” she asked. Hoagie was too busy scooping up the papers that had fallen out of his book to listen. Then, her eyes got a glimpse of one of the notebooks in his backpack. Her mouth hung open as she read aloud the words. “...Memory loss...” 

That caught Hoagie’s attention. “Hey!” He pulled his pack closer to him. “Don’t look in there!” 

“Sorry.” Abby held the flash drive out to him. “Abby found this on the floor.” 

Hoagie flushed pink, taking the device. “Oh. Thanks.” He looked embarrassed for some reason, something beyond just the normal humiliation of dropping your things all over. 

Abby stood, picking up her book and notebook. “Sure thing, Numbmm—” She bit her tongue. 

“What?” he asked. Abby couldn’t find anything to say. Six years of not speaking and she had nothing to say. She felt like a jerk. He cleared his throat, slipping on his backpack and standing up, averting his eyes from her once more. “Anyway, thanks. I’ll, uh, just...yeah. Bye.” He walked swiftly out the door where Prageeta gave him a soft goodbye, which he ignored. 

Abby caught a glimpse of something on the ground. “Hey! Hold up!” She grabbed the paper, chasing after him. “You dropped-” He couldn’t hear her in the cacophony of bustling students. Curiosity got the better of her. She flipped over the page to see what looked to be a series of doodles and figures, along with scribbles of notes:

MEMORIES ARE NOT PHOTOGRAPHS developing photographic memory (hehe) PAST-memories. Empty. TRAUMA. proper explanation. MeMORIES LOST Temporary. Childhood--empty. Impact? Hypnosis? Repression = trauma = hypnosis. Theta-waves.   
Hypnosis: To access memory, traumatic repressed, hypnotism to repress/derepress memory. PTSD - RAPE VICTIMS - ABUSE - WAR - MEMORIAL FLEXIBILITY 

flexibility probability increased to 33.333%

Abby’s jaw hung for a moment, taking in the notes very carefully. She held her breath. Hoagie was studying memories? But why? She turned the paper over before the spark of hope could ignite. Just then, she saw someone coming out of the corner of her eye and quickly tried to stuff the paper in a pocket, which she realized all to soon she did not have. 

“Abby!” He had noticed her. She crammed the paper into her book and clutched it tightly to her chest. He sauntered over to her, his hands cooly slipped into his pockets. It was Maurice. “Hey. Thanks for covering for me this morning. You really saved my ass.” 

He peered at her with his usual warm smile. He was an attractive man with a built body and easy eyes. His long black dread locks were pulled into a ponytail, nearly half the length of Abby’s own hair. It wasn’t long before he realized that she was neither listening nor looking at him. Instead, her eyes had once again found the back of Hoagie’s head in the bustling crowd. She enticingly watched the grey spot bob up and down amongst the others until it was slammed against a locker. Maurice frowned.   
“Abby,” he tried again, this time getting her attention. 

She did not look startled to see him. “What? Abby’s listenin’.” She said this, and then proceeded to look off into the crowd, but could not locate what she was looking for. 

Maurice sighed. “Anything to report?” he said, impatiently. There was no response. “Abby!” 

“No! Nothin’!” She snapped back. “Why you keep yellin’ at me?” 

But Maurice crossed his arms. “You’re distracted.” She was quiet again. Maurice, having known Abby since she was very young, knew she was not much of a talker in general. However, he knew when even she was being too quiet. “Did something happen in class today?” 

“No,” came her direct answer. She was a good liar, but Maurice was a better judge. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to hide it for long and the look on Maurice’s face was indicating that he was not buying any of her bullshit today. “He’s...” she began. Maurice’s eyebrows raised. “Studyin’ memories.” She pulled out the paper and handed it to him. “For the science fair.”

“Jesus,” he grumbled as he took the paper. “You talked to him?” 

“Only a second,” Abby admitted. 

Maurice scanned the paper. “I can’t even read this...” He sneered at the chicken scratch. 

Abby snatched it back. “It ain’t for you to read!” 

He sat back on his heels as he waited for her to calm down. “He’s doing the science fair then.” He shook his head. “He’s stubborn I’ll give him that.” 

Abby’s shoulders sank. “I can’t do it. Not again.” 

He sighed. “Abby—” 

“It isn’t fair.” 

“I know it’s hard, but it’s all we can do.” 

She grimaced. “You said last time was the last time.” 

“I know.” 

“That’s what you said!” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

There was a long pause. Abby’s muscles tensed around her shoulders, her breath strained and audible. “I can’t do it.” 

“So, you’re just going to let things take their natural course?” 

“Stop it—” 

“Cause if you wanna risk exposing him to the TEENZ and letting them do whatever they want with him—” 

“Oh fuck off, Maurice!” Abby snapped. immediately quieting her language as she saw a teacher pass. “It isn’t easy, you know. He never smiles, he’s always alone...” Her lips tightened. “He won’t even look at me.” 

“That’s not your problem.” 

“How can you say that?!” 

“Look, in a year none of this is gonna matter.” 

“It matters to me--” 

“You have to graduate! You can’t follow him college, or work...What if they all split off and went to different cities? Countries? What’ll you do then? Are you gonna spy on them for the rest of their lives?” 

Abby was silent. 

“You know how this has to go.” He sighed. “You wanna be their friend, you have to be their enemy. That’s the job you signed up for. Remember, this isn’t just about him. If the TEENZ did get ahold of him--” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” She took in a sharp inhale. 

“I’m not trying to—” 

“I’ll take care of it.” 

“...I can do it, Abby. You don’t have to put yourself through this.” 

“He’s my teammate.” She turned from him. “I don’t want it to be no one else.” 

“Abby...” 

“Abby’s late for class,” she said in a hushed tone as she started to walk away from him. 

“Nigel will understand!” 

She stopped. 

“If he were here, he’d do the same thing.” 

But Abby’s response was direct and immediate. “No. He wouldn’t.” 

The cheerleaders met for practice every day after class, with the exception of pep rally preparation, which they added an extra practice during free period. Kuki had been on the squad since she was recruited in middle school and her enthusiasm for the sport only grew. Undoubtedly, she was the peppiest of them all, always coming to practice with a large smile on her face. Today was no exception. 

The other girls waited impatiently for her to put on her uniform. Finally, she ran out, pom-poms in hand. She raced over to the center of the gym, holding her pom-poms close to her chest. She shook her hair, letting out a loud neigh! 

“Hello, McClintock High!” She shouted, her eyes sparkling as she ran to greet the invisible audience. “Are you ready?” 

A tall, brunette girl crossed her arms. “Um. What are you doing?” 

Kuki blushed, her cheeks lifting into her eyes. “I’m getting the crowd pumped up!” she exclaimed, not missing a beat. 

Another girl on the squad rolled her eyes. “What crowd? Nobody’s here.” 

“Sanban,” the Brunette said. “Mascots don’t talk.” She pouted her lips, as though she were talking to a young child. 

Kuki nodded, ruffling her pom-poms in her hand. She had been the school Mascot for the McClintock Chargers for three years after no one else applied for the position. She had given the school a more feminine touch with her take on the horse, wearing bright red extensions in her hair and a flexible jumpsuit after the original costume mysteriously disappeared. She won two State mascot competitions and placed fifth in Nationals. Everyone in McClintock knew the Charger, whether they cared about sports or not. Still, despite all of her success, she missed actually cheering with her voice. 

“I know,” she finally replied. “But I was thinking-” 

“Okay then,” the Brunette smiled. Her name was Sandra, the cheer squad captain. She took her finger and drew a line over her lips.

“Sandie...” one of the cheerleaders groaned. “C’mon. We gotta start.” 

Sandra nodded, ushering Kuki to her corner. The cheer squad got into position, doing a series of floor cheers before setting up for the occasional lift. When it was Kuki’s turn to interact with the squad, they would call her over with a whistle and mark out the steps that they would do full-out on the day of the rally. Kuki felt like this wasn’t the safest way to go about things, but she never said anything about it. She didn’t want to get on worse terms with the cheerleaders and lose her Mascot job. 

The practice let out early. The cheerleaders left, gossiping about people Kuki didn’t know and gushing over movies she had never seen. In the old days, she would try and follow them and make conversation, but she knew better now. She stayed until the last squad member, Vicki, was finished putting away the pom-poms. Kuki changed out of her outfit, locking it up in the gym’s storage facility. She scanned the empty gym, a melancholic energy washing over her. 

She closed her eyes, imagining a crowd full of people cheering. The score is 32 to 32 with ten seconds left on the buzzer. McClintock sits at the edge of its seat as their star player, Trace Donoghue, dribbles the ball up the court. Six seconds...five...Donoghue takes the shot. The ball soars up into the air, catching on the rim of the basket. 3...2...It circles around. Will it go in? Whooosh! The ball lands in the basket right as the buzzer goes off! The crowd goes mad! The cheerleaders wave their pom-poms and scream! Everyone has a huge smile on their face. 

Kuki grinned, the scene vivid in her mind. “Fight! Fight! Fight! For McClintock High!” She sang. “Fight for Victory!” She elevated herself onto her toes, getting a running-start. Springing off of the ground, she ran into a front hand spring, sticking the landing and sliding her legs into a full split. “Go Chargers!” She laughed, her cheeks reddening as she lived the moment. 

Suddenly the crowd quieted. The heat escaped from the room, leaving Kuki alone in an empty gymnasium. She lowered her hands, moving out of her straddled position. It wasn’t until the bell started to ring that she finally realized she had to leave. She brushed the dust off of her dress, taking one last look around before heading for the door. Her breath was caught in her throat. 

She could never be a cheerleader again. She knew that much. But as long as she had a gym, she would never stop cheering.

Wally stared at the remaining items on his plate. There was a leaf of kale and three brussels sprouts, which he refused to eat. By this point, his parents didn’t care whether he ate his vegetables or not. He was seventeen now. He kicked his black combat boots under the table, bored as hell. His father sat to the right of him, his mother to the left. In front of him, his baby brother, Joey, now just turned six, smeared his mashed potatoes all over his plate, piling them up in certain areas to make stalagmites with his spoon. Wally’s parents didn’t say anything about it. They were too busy talking about whatever boring new development happened at work that day. Today, his father, Sid, had a rib-tingling good story about an issue he had with the printer. 

“So, there I was...” Sid set the mood, laughing before he even reached the punchline of his tale. “And the gosh darn printer had run outta staples again! On toppa everything!” 

The teen groaned, knowing his mother wouldn’t let him leave the table until the story was finished. He stabbed his vegetables with his fork, dropping them on the plate with a loud clank, but not even that seemed to gain his family’s attention. He looked over at his father, tall and lanky with thick blonde hair not unlike Wally’s own. He glared at his business shirt and tie, his name tag still on despite the fact that he had been home for an hour by that point. His pants were perfectly ironed, his face clean-shaven. He was the ideal employee for any business and Wally couldn’t stand it. 

Despite having a great amount of affection for his father buried deep within his heart, Wallabee Beatles despised everything he represented. Sid Beatles was a man with no ambitions. He had no real desires, no interests, nothing that would set him apart. That was how Wally thought anyway. He was just another wheel in the system, a system which rejected Wally a long time ago. And no matter how hard he tried to see him outside of that role, there was nothing. He woke up, went to work, came home, talked about work, read the paper, and went to bed. While Wally loved his father, he never wanted to grow up to be like him: another link in the chain, another face in the crowd. 

His mother was no better. She didn’t enhance the world in any spectacular way. She was a stay at home mom, and while very good at it, didn’t really care about things like feminism or women in the work force. She was perfectly happy sitting in the kitchen and making a pot roast for her boys, and this also annoyed Wally. By contrast, Kuki’s mother was the CEO of his dad’s company. She took life by the horns and rode that bull to success. Genki Sanban was a woman of power, intelligent and poised and very rarely hindered by her emotions. Wally’s mother was not like this. She was simple-minded, yet content with her place in the world. Everything about their family was average. They had an average size and style house, an average family with average jobs. They were living the American dream to be sure. 

At long last, his father’s story was over. Wally stood up, taking his plate. “Can I go now?” Wally asked. 

His mother turned. “Are you going to practice your music?” 

“That’s so wonderful!” His father said, elated. “A boy needs a good creative outlet. Don’t you think, Honey?” It was as though they were inside a hallmark card. 

Joey’s eyes lit up. “I wanna come!” 

Wally scowled. “No! I’m not playin’ any music tonight.” 

“Wallabee, be nice to your brothah now,” Sid said in his usual calm yet jovial voice. Wally couldn’t remember the last time his father had actually yelled at him. 

“We can go dancing!” Joey beamed. “I can dance while you play!” 

“Ugh,” Wally groaned. “It isn’t dancin’ music, Joey. It’s...it’s big kid stuff. And I ain’t playin’ tonight! I already told ya!” 

He tried to peel himself away, but Joey was right on his tail. “Imma big kid!” 

He turned to his mother. “Mom...” he complained. 

“Oh, take your brothah with you,” she insisted. “You hardly spend any time with ‘im.” 

“Yeah, for good reason,” he grumbled under his breath. “I’m goin’ out. On a date. So, no. You can’t come.” 

“Okay, Son!” His father said with a smile. “Stay safe! Say hi to Kuki for us, will you?” 

“Don’t do anything dangerous!” his mother called back. “You be a perfect gentleman!” 

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Wally said as he walked out the door without a look back. His parents supported him, trusted him, but that was their own fault. He ruffled his hair in front of his face, thankful to finally be out of that nightmare of cheeriness. He went out the garage where he kept his motorcycle and zoomed it down the street. He thought it might be nice if his parents actually protested what he did for once in his life. But for now, he supposed he was happy to have the freedom. 

Tommy Gilligan fidgeted this his fork, moving the olives from one side of the plate to another. He peered through his brother’s old yellow tinted goggles. His other hand scratched the side of his head where a shabby, faded aviator’s cap sat, a washed-out number 2 still barely visible. 

“I don’t like the green ones,” Tommy grumbled. 

Hoagie leaned over the table, watching his little brother sink further and further into his chair. “Well, that’s all we had.” He took his own plate over to the sink. “I’ll go to the store when Mom gets a day off. If you come with me, you can pick out something you like.” 

Tommy frowned. “We always have to wait for Mom.” 

“Yeah,” Hoagie’s voice carried over the running water from the faucet. “Mom has the car. And money.” He flipped off the water and went to the dishwasher, only to realize that the dishes inside were already clean. “Ugh. Seriously?” he muttered to himself. 

Tommy sat in silence, still refusing to touch his food. “Why don’t you get a car?” 

Hoagie didn’t look up. “Did you miss the money part?” 

“What about a bike? One with an inside so you can carry stuff.” 

“You mean a TEENZ bike? No frickin’ way.” 

“What about...if you built a bike?” Tommy’s eyes lit up at the idea. “Yeah! A bigger, faster bike! With a sooper big engine and a bell and--” 

Hoagie’s laugh cut him off. “Yeah, sure. I’ll build my own bike. And then I’ll build an airplane...maybe a rocket ship! Better yet, let’s all hop in my shrinking magic school bus and go on an adventure!”

Tommy slunk back down in his seat. Crossing his arms, he turned away from his brother. “You could if you wanted to,” he whispered. 

“Tommy be serious.” Hoagie went back to putting dishes away. 

“But you can!” Tommy protested. “I’ve seen you--!” 

Hoagie froze. Tommy suddenly realized what he said, but it was too late to turn back. “You’ve seen me? What do you mean, you’ve seen me?” 

“I mean...” Tommy looked a bit frazzled. “Uh...I...um....” 

“Whatever. Right now, I just want to get through the science fair. We can talk about this during the summer when I have more time. And hopefully a job.” He put the last clean dish away and shut the dish washer, forgetting to put his dirty dish in. “Have you figured out what you want to do yet?” 

Tommy blinked in confusion. “...for summer?” 

“For your birthday. It’s a big one.” 

Tommy blushed red, bringing his hands into his lap. The words caught in his throat as he spoke them. “Thirteen.” 

“Thirteen.” 

Hoagie didn’t know why, but the word gave him an uncomfortable feeling. Maybe it was just an unlucky number. He wasn’t typically the superstitious type, but there was something unnerving about those two syllables. Speaking them was enough to quiet a room. “So...did you wanna do a party or...” 

“Not really,” Tommy said. He was quieter than usual. 

Hoagie waited for a moment, watching the sadness cross his brother’s face. Tommy had been glum about his birthday for a while now. Hoagie put on a smile to try and lighten the mood. “Come on. You don’t want to celebrate at all?” 

“There’s nothing to celebrate.” 

This caught Hoagie off guard. He walked over to the table and sat across from the sulking child. “You know...being a teenager isn’t a bad thing. It just means you’re growing up, moving forward.” 

Tommy slammed his hands on the table. “I don’t wanna grow up!” 

“Everyone has to grow up, Tommy.” 

But Tommy shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. “You’re only saying that because you’re a teen now!” 

“Well, what do you want me to do about it, huh?” Hoagie snapped. “You wanna be a kid for the rest of your life? Live in this house and have mom take care of you until she dies?” 

Tommy squealed, kicking his feet. “No! You don’t understand!” He cried. “You’ll never understand! You can’t even remember being a kid so how could you even get how I feel?” 

Hoagie stared at his brother, his jaw relaxed open. 

It was true. Hoagie had few memories from his childhood past a certain point. A head injury when he was Tommy’s age had given him a severe concussion. Because of this, most of Hoagie’s childhood memories were lost to him. At least, that’s what he believed. Tommy, still under the age of thirteen, knew the truth. It was no accident that removed Hoagie Gilligan’s memories, but a decommissioning machine designed by the Kids Next Door, the organization which, despite Hoagie’s many accomplishments, had deemed him unworthy to continue on in the system. Regardless, Hoagie was still Tommy’s hero and the thought of losing him for good was too much for the young twelve-year-old to bear. 

Hoagie walked around the table, taking Tommy’s plate of green olives. “You’re right,” he said in a melancholy hush. “I don’t.” He brought the plate over, scrapping the olives into the sink and flushing them down the garbage disposal. He grabbed the scrub brush and began washing the plate, feeling as though he might crush the ceramic in his meaty hands. A silence fell over the kitchen. Tommy felt the wash of guilt as he stared at his brother’s back. Suddenly, the front door clicked. Betty Gilligan walked inside, her hair slightly disheveled and her glasses perched at the end of her nose. 

“I’m back,” she called into the silent home. Her voice bounced off the walls. “Phew! What a day! The office was crazy! I didn’t think I would make it out of there alive!” She walked into the kitchen to see Tommy’s puffy red cheeks. She looked at him with concerned eyes. 

Hoagie set down the plate in the sink, drying his hands with a dishrag. He couldn’t hide the contempt in his voice as he scowled. “You deal with him.” With that, he stormed out of the room. 

“Hoagie!” His mother called, but he was already out the door. Betty sighed, sitting down next to her son at the table. “Don’t mind your brother, Tommy,” she said. “He’s just being a teenager.” 

Tommy fiddled with his hands again, trying to hold back his tears. “I know.” 

Betty leaned back in the chair, rubbing her nose beneath her glasses. “Honestly. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with two teenage boys in the same house!” she exclaimed. “It’ll be the death of me.” 

Wally pulled up in front of the house in his motorcycle. He smiled, with the satisfaction that he was that boyfriend who every girl secretly wanted to have. After all, he did look pretty sweet on his bike which he bought with the money he got playing gigs at The POINT Roller Rink. He turned off the engine and went to walk up to the door. A loud ferocious scream pushed him back in his seat. 

The door cracked open. 

“Don’t you dare step out of this house, Young Lady!” came a bellowing voice. It was Kuki’s father, Kani, who was not in the brightest of moods that day. 

Kuki’s shrill voice screeched back. “I’m going out with my boyfriend!” 

“Okay! Fine! Don’t listen to your father! But don’t come crying to me when you come home pregnant!” Kuki ignored him. “Who do you think is going to take care of that baby, huh? You’re not going to do it! Your mother isn’t going to do it! I’m certainly not going to do it! Don’t slam the--” he cried into the slamming door. Kuki ran out to meet Wally, her face aflame with anger. Steam seemed to radiate from the top of her head as her cheeks puffed up. Wally found this irresistibly adorable. 

“Hmph.” She pouted. 

Wally smirked. “Nothin’ like a nice quiet evenin’ at home.” 

Kuki just grimaced at him, hoping onto his motorcycle and holding him tightly. The heat from her face warmed his back. “Let’s just get out of here.” 

“Sounds great to me.” He sped off, not planning to be home for a long, long time.

Kuki’s toes squished in the tall, uncut grass. Her yellow flowered dress sprawled over the blades. She didn’t care at this point whether or not it would become stained by the end of the evening. Sitting patiently, she waited for Wally to tune his guitar. Wally wasn’t what you would call intelligent, she mused, but he was not an idiot either, like so many other people would have claimed. True, he wasn’t good at school and had a very simple approach to life, but his dauntlessness and kindness were the things she liked most about him. He had been the one to stand by her through it all, and she was always excited to hear what crazy thing he would pour his heart and soul into next. That, and he played the guitar, which was totally hot. 

“Got it!” He finally exclaimed with excitement. Kuki grinned, clapping with both her feet and her hands simultaneously. Wally blushed, thinking she looked like a mermaid when she did this. “Okay, you ready to have your mind blown into a million pieces?” 

“Yes!” 

“Okay, this first one is called: Intolerance.” He strummed the first note as Kuki prepared herself for what she knew was coming. You see, Wally, for all of his physical skills, was a descent musician. No one could deny that he had talent. However, there was one thing that Wally could not do that made the entire experience unpleasant for most people: 

Sing. 

“Life is a box  
You wanna keep me inside  
But I gotta voice  
Yeah I gotta voice!” 

They want me to conform   
But I say no  
They strip me of my dignity   
But I say no  
No no no no no no no no no-” 

It went on for a while.

“No one knows the pain I feel  
No one knows the pain I steal  
No one knows the pain is real”

The song had little rhyme scheme, no sentence structure and basically repeated the same idea over and over again. Wally insisted that it was an experimental piece, that structure was just another way to keep artists from expressing the real truth. He proceeded to sing many songs after this, all of which conformed to a similar theme of non-conformity. Kuki, while not really understanding or relating to the angst her boyfriend expressed, quite enjoyed all of these. When he finished, he looked at her for approval. She grinned her sunny smile at him and said that she loved it but did not have many statements detailing how or why she did so. This never bothered Wally like it would others. He was just happy that his girlfriend thought he was cool and didn’t really care about anything beyond that. 

The stars shone brightly in the sky that night, a perfectly romantic setting for their date. Wally put his arm around his love and smiled at the night sky, commenting particularly how the moon was the greatest and most valiant hero in all of outer space. Even he didn’t really know what it meant, but it sounded poetic and chicks dug that shit. 

“When I become a famous rock star,” he began. “You n’ me are gonna travel the world togethah! We’ll see Paris and France and that place where they travel by little boat things...um...” 

“Venice!” Kuki exclaimed. 

“Yeah!” Wally settled back down. “Venice, France!”

Kuki giggled. His arms were hard against her soft skin, warm and protective. “But Wally, if you’re in a band and I become a nurse like we planned, how are we going to stay together?” 

Wally thought about this for a moment, jutting his lower lip out to the side of this mouth in deep contemplation. “I got it!” he finally shouted. “You’ll be the nurse on the tour bus! Tour busses gotta have nurses, don’t they? Of course they do!” 

“Of course!” Kuki gasped, feeling silly she hadn’t come to that conclusion herself. “Oh Wallybear I knew you’d think of something! I couldn’t stand it if you went off to be famous and I couldn’t be there to support you!” She pointed a finger up into the air. “But I also don’t wanna just sit around and do nothing or be a bus wife I mean this is the 21st century for goodness-sakes!” 

“You’re damn right it is!” Wally sat up. “No girlfriend of mine is gonna be a bus wife!” 

“YEAH- Oh wait.” Kuki put her finger to her chin. “What if someone wants to be a bus wife? Wouldn’t saying that she couldn’t do that be oppressive too?” 

Wally nodded. “You’re absolutely right, Kuki. It’s our responsibility to make sure that people are free to do whatever they want, whenever they want! Be whoever you want to be!” 

Kuki cuddled up to him. “You’re so progressive!” 

“You gotta be in this world, Baby. Men out there in business suits operatin’ on a system of greed and corruption. Somebody’s gotta put an end to it all.” 

“Wally, look!” Kuki cried. She pointed up into the sky where a light shot across the inky black night. “It’s a shooting star!” 

What Kuki was actually pointing towards was not a shooting star at all, but a giant monolith rocketing through space at a rate of about 4.5 lightyears per hour. 

“What should we wish for?” 

“I wish for freedom for everyone!” Wally shouted. “And a new electric bass guitar!” 

“I just want everyone in the world to be happy,” Kuki said, innocently. “And that all of Wally’s wishes come true too!” 

Wally blushed. “You’re the best, Kuki.” 

They nuzzled their noses together before their lips finally met. Wally and Kuki were the type of couple that no matter how hard they tried, could not keep their hands off of each other. To most, this constant contact alienated them from a lot of people, who found their dependence on each other creepy and unhealthy. In reality, they just wanted to be around each other, do things together both sexual and otherwise. For example, it probably wasn’t the best idea for two seventeen-year-old high school students to fornicate in a public park late at night, but this did not stop Wally and Kuki from doing just this. It seemed that the couple would never break out of their honeymoon phase and would remain that way until the end of the Earth as they knew it. 

Which, they did not know at the time, was much closer than they suspected. 

March 20th, 2015  
. 

She walked over to the small machine, lifting a hammer up high over her head. It was a tiny little thing that didn’t look very impressive at all. She had already stolen the files, wiped the computer clean, all that was left was this. Her eyes slammed shut, sucking the tears in she so desperately wanted to shed. The hammer grew limp in her hands. Despite Maurice’s words, she still couldn’t find her strength. She couldn’t do this. How could she? Hoagie had never been anything but loyal to her back in the Kids Next Door. He had given her courage and support when she left Sector V to be the Soopreme Leader. And here she was, repaying his kindness by destroying his chance for a future. 

It was simple: If he didn’t compete in the science fair, he wouldn’t be noticed. If nobody noticed him, then everything would stay the same.

Abby grimaced, lowering the hammer down. Every year she went through the same battle, and every year she always brought herself to do the right thing. If she didn’t do it, then the TND would lose faith in her loyalty. With Cree’s betrayal of the KND, she had to work twice as hard to prove herself. She knew that. She also knew that as a former sector leader it was her duty to keep old teammates from joining the TEENZ. Luckily, Wally and Kuki had lost interest in being members once they finished their freshman years, which was when the TEENZ did most of their recruiting. The TND didn’t see them as a threat, which to Abby was a bit careless considering their prowess as agents and their athletic ability. Vicki kept a close eye on Kuki through cheer practice, but as far as they were concerned, the two lovebirds were safe. 

Hoagie was a different story. He had little to no athletic ability and didn’t fit the aesthetic that the TND wanted. Hoagie liked kids. He didn’t have to be convinced not to join the TEENZ as he found their entire philosophy disgraceful. Even if he wanted to join, his personality and outer appearance put him low on the candidacy. Surprisingly, this made him even more of a threat to the TND. Hoagie didn’t know it, but he was still a genius. His capabilities even as a teenager rivaled both the KND and TND’s best scientists, and they knew it. On the surface, the boy was nothing special. However, should the TEENZ discover his abilities, they would have no choice but to recruit him. 

Unlike other geeks who would jump at the chance to change their social status by working for the TEENZ, Hoagie’s animosity toward the group put him in great danger. Sure, they would try. They would use their usual tactics, maybe soften him up a bit. But they would fail, Abby was certain. Hoagie was stubborn. Kind, but stubborn. He would refuse. And that’s when things would get out of hand. 

She’d read the files: the TEENZ labor camps where scientists who either by choice or by force were sentenced to hours of manual labor, making weapons and gadgets for the TEENZ, threatened with torture if they refused to comply. These teenagers disappeared from society, no one ever remembering that they existed. The Kids Next Door wouldn’t bother to rescue them, and the TND couldn’t afford to put themselves in a position to be discovered. They would die there, their brains mined like coal until there was nothing left of them but an empty shell. Most TND agents just thought them to be rumors, or traps laid out to catch double-agents. There was no evidence of these camps, not that anyone had ever found any. But Abby knew the truth of what Father was capable of. She knew the truth about the Delightful Children from Down the Lane, about Numbuh Zero. Father was ruthless. Children, teenagers, adults. It didn’t matter. If he wanted something, he would have it. With a snap of his fingers, he could make anyone disappear. 

Abby gripped the hammer again. That wasn’t going to happen. Not to him. Not while she had anything to say about it. She did everything she could. She changed his public records in the computer. She changed his answers on tests to give him average grades. She tried to make him look invisible. But it wasn’t enough. She lifted the hammer into the air once again. This was what she had to do. No questions. No emotions. No excuses. 

She gripped the hammer, grit her teeth, and swung. 

Abby managed to slip out the door, blending into a crowd of students passing by. She couldn’t remember how she got to the bathroom, but she did. She didn’t want to see anyone, especially not Maurice. She knew he would just try and comfort her, but comfort was the last thing she wanted. She figured the gender-neutral bathroom, a new installation at the school, would be the best place to hide her shame. She went into the stall, locking the door. She made her way to the toilet, sitting on its edge with her head in her hands. 

It was over. 

She should be grateful. In a way, it was good that her actions couldn’t deter his spirit, that he still had the desire to try. And soon it wouldn’t be her problem anymore... 

It wasn’t her problem. 

This was good. 

This is the best thing. 

The only thing. 

There was no alternative. 

She inhaled, her chest constricting more the more she tried to relax. 

He’ll never forgive me. 

It shouldn’t have mattered. Maurice was honest with her from the beginning. She knew what she was signing on for. It didn’t matter if she could never see him again. 

As long as he was here. 

The door to the bathroom creaked, swinging delicately closed. Abby sat up. There were only two stalls in the gender-neutral bathroom. It wasn’t fair for her to occupy one of the only ones available. However, as she listened, the figure who had entered the space did not open the stall door. The sound of gushing water bounced around the tile walls. 

She halted. The water stopped, a deep sigh following the quiet. As she reached for the door handle, she heard the rustling of fabric sliding against the wall. She backed away slightly. It didn’t take her long to understand what was going on. A rough, muffled scream erupted without warning from the other side of the door, taking the rest of Abby’s breath. Moments of silence were brief between the screams, which grew progressively quieter as they ran out of breath. Like glass, she shattered. As though in a trance, she bent down to see the figure’s wide legs, brown shoes, and a pair of glasses sitting by their feet. Next to them, a grey beanie. She stooped as far as she could but was unable to see more. 

She wasn’t sure what came over her then. Perhaps pride? Maybe guilt? She just wanted to see him. To really see him. Just once. She sat up and stealthily unlocked the door, opening it just a crack. Finally, she caught a glimpse. A large white hand clasped around a clump of auburn hair, large shoulders moving up and down. 

The sharp pain returned.

I’m sorry. 

I’m so sorry. 

What was she doing? What had she become? Nigel wouldn’t approve of this. Sure, she was trying to keep Hoagie alive, but was this really living? She squandered every opportunity he had to stand out, and that was hard because he stuck out like a viral infection. She wasn’t saving him, she was killing him. Slowly, painfully, eroding his heart away. 

But...what would they do?

She clenched her eyes shut. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Her head pushed forward. Too forward. The door slowly opened wider. Without thinking, she frantically grabbed the handle, slamming the door too fast and too loud. Her phone slid out of her pocket into the open. Shit! She panted as quietly as she could, but the damage was already done. The door locked, Abby pressed firmly against it. 

Shit! Shit! SHIT! 

It was quiet. Nothing moved. The two sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, she heard the figure outside stand up. His footsteps were light and soft. His voice wasn’t. Hoagie P. Gilligan did not know the phrase inside-voice. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was someone in here.” 

The kindness in his voice hurt more than any level of bile he could have mustered. 

His hand reached beneath the stall, gingerly placing her phone back within her reach. Abby didn’t move towards it. She couldn’t remember how to move. 

“Please excuse me,” he said and exited the bathroom. 

Abby’s forehead rested on the door. Something started to stick in her eyes, but she blinked it away. Instead, her hand balled up into a fist, slamming hard against the door. She could hear people chatting from outside the bathroom, friends laughing about frivolous nonsense. 

The world was turning, everything was fine. 

It was fine. 

Maurice’s eye caught Abby’s red hat from a distance. She was hunched over, looking physically ill. His stomach twisted. 

“Abby,” he ran to her. “What happened? Did you get the—” 

Abby shoved a flash drive in his chest and kept walking. 

“Abby.” 

“Never again...” He heard her whisper. 

“Did something happen?” 

She stopped, only for a brief moment. “Never. Again.” 

He watched as she disappeared into the crowd. 

Hoagie walked through the door to his house. He didn’t even remember how he got home, but he knew it was a miracle of sorts. The extra weight on him felt as though he were carrying a dead body. He should have known. It didn’t matter what he did, High School was just going to be the worst. He pushed up his glasses, dropping his backpack on the ground. Whatever. So what? He didn’t care about the stupid science fair anyway. He didn’t care if some wannabe tech fuckboi got the prize. 

Stupid machine probably wouldn’t’ve even worked. 

He sighed. “There’s always next year,” he said beneath his breath as he went into the living room. 

Tommy was there, building some kind of contraption on the floor. Parts were scattered in every direction. The grin on the child’s face was awe-inspiring, so much light and excitement in his eyes. Tommy looked up at his brother. “Hoagie! Look! I designed you a sooper cool bike! It’s got jet engines and a propeller and flames and skulls on the sides so people think you’re sooper tough!” 

Hoagie swallowed, unable to look at those bright eyes anymore. 

Tommy pouted. “Do you not like it?” 

Hoagie brought his brother in for a hug, holding him tight and close. 

“Never grow up,” he whispered. 

Abby arrived at home, throwing her hat on the couch. She just wanted to crawl into bed and to never leave. 

“Look who it is!” an excited voice bounded through the hall. “My beautiful baby sister!” 

That clearly wasn’t the Universe’s plan. 

Abby tried to smile. “Cree.” 

Cree ran up to embrace her, grinning from ear to ear. “Oh, Abby! Look at you! You’re all grown up!” 

That was the last thing Abby wanted to hear. She was grown up. Her team was grown up, and they were all miserable because of it. She felt her cheeks begin to flush, long awaited tears finally forming in her eyes. She was helpless, alone. Sure, she got to keep her memories, but it was becoming more of a burden than a gift. What made her more special than them? She knew the answer. It was superficial, statistical, an Adult’s answer, a lie. 

Cree pulled away, looking at her sister’s face with worry. “Abby? What’s wrong?” 

Fighting through her tears, Abby managed to push through a weak smile. “I’m just so happy to see you,” she lied through her teeth. Cree hugged her tighter, squeezing her with a love and affection Abby bought with her pride. She managed to keep herself together. Her thoughts turned to Nigel. 

Nigel would never let this happen, she thought. Nigel always did the right thing. He was a real leader. And Abby? She had grown too old to remember what that even meant. 

March 31st, 2015. 

At 0100 hours, a black object was spotted within the Earth’s atmosphere. Sources indicate that the object was nearly two stories tall and sixty feet wide. Projected on the monolith was a message designated for Earth. The message played at 0700 hours, connecting to every Kids Next Door owned monitor on the planet. Shortly after the message was complete, there was a planet-wide electricity malfunction. It returned within the next hour, earlier depending on the region. 

At 0700 hours, Abigail Lincoln awoke. She had not heard the message, nor did she realize who had sent it. She felt someone shaking her awake, shouting her name. Her eyes flickered open to see Maurice hovering over her. 

“Abby!” he shouted, frantically. “Abby wake up!” 

Abby rubbed her eyes, sitting up in her bed. “Maurice? What are you doin’ in my house?” 

“There’s no time to explain,” Maurice said. “You’ve gotta come with me. Now.” 

“Why? Somethin’ happen?” 

“Your freak friend happened,” a female voice said. Abby rotated to see Vicki, her superior officer, staring out her window, arms crossed. 

“We have to evacuate,” Maurice said. “Come on, get your things.” 

Abby shook her head in shock. “Whoa! Whoa! Hold up! Everybody calm down!” She looked at Maurice. “Evacuate what?” 

Maurice swallowed hard. “The planet.” 

“The planet!” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Why? What’s goin’ on?” 

“Sooner or later the Adults will realize what’s happened,” Vicki explained. “We have to be out of here before they start putting plans into action.” 

“What are you talkin’ about? What plans?” Abby’s question was met with silence. “Did you hear this from Moon Base?” 

“Abby-” Maurice started. 

“We’ve had no contact with Moon Base,” Vicki explained. 

Abby bit her lip. She pulled out her communicator. “We gotta warn the others. The Kids Next Door-” 

“Abby...” Maurice interrupted, the veins in his neck tightening, constricting his throat. “There is no Kids Next Door.” 

END TRANSMISSION


	2. S.E.C.T.O.R.V. (PART ONE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of a potential disaster, Abby gives up everything to find her old teammates...some of whom aren't exactly how she remembers.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: S.E.C.T.O.R.-V. (PART ONE)

Secret   
Evacuation  
Certifies  
Team’s  
Old   
Recruits  
Voluntarily 

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by   
Cartoon Network and Tom Warburton 

Episode 2

March 31st, 2015 

“There is no Kids Next Door,” Maurice said, his voice trying its best to stay smooth. Abby just stared at him. She didn’t know how to respond to such news. No Kids Next Door? That couldn’t be possible. 

She sat up in her bedsheets, her jaw tensing. “What do you mean there’s no Kids Next Door?” She started to panic, her breath growing shorter. “Of course there’s a Kid’s Next Door.” 

Maurice turned away. “Abby, please calm down.” 

“T-that don’t make no sense! No Kids Next Door? What the hell is that even supposed to mean? They didn’t just disappear!” She panted, her body starting to drip with sweat. 

“Every sector is down,” Maurice explained. “We’ve tried to contact all operatives, but there has been no response. And the ones we did get ahold of...” his voice trailed off. “They don’t remember.” 

“What?” Abby’s jaw dropped. “H-how? How did this happen?” 

It was Vicki’s turn. She walked up to the bed, placing a tablet down on Abby’s lap. “Earlier this morning, scientists reported a giant monolith approaching the Earth’s atmosphere. It hacked into every monitor on the planet, taking over its frequency. They’ve sent us a message.” 

Abby squinted. “They?” Vicki pointed to the screen, sliding it open. When Abby pressed the play button, she felt as though she would fall through her bed onto the floor. A bald teenager stood on screen, his eyes covered with thin lazar glasses and wearing a red and white space suit. Abby could feel her feet tingling as she muttered. “Nigel.” 

“Attention people of Earth,” he said, his accent hadn’t changed at all in the seven years he had been away. “The aging virus on your planet is beginning to spread to other planets. We cannot allow you to travel throughout the galaxy and contaminate the rest of the universe. Therefore, the planet Earth has been quarantined until further notice. You are no longer permitted to travel outside of your own atmosphere. If you do, there will be consequences. For the sake of the galaxy, this must be so.” 

Abby sat up and listened. She had known that the virus was spreading, but she didn’t realize how bad they had it. She started to speak, but Maurice stopped her. 

“There’s more,” he said. 

“Also,” Nigel continued. “To our fellow Kids Next Door operatives: we at the Galactic Kids Next Door apologize for our inability to help your planet. However, it cannot be helped at this point. I regret to inform you that the Earth unit of the Kids Next Door has been disbanded. All remaining operatives are set for immediate decommissioning. As your Earth representative for the Galactic Kids Next Door, I have decided this the best course of action. Goodbye, and good luck,” he said as a single tear graced his cheek. He saluted to the camera. “Galactic Kids Next Door Rules!” 

The video went dark then, leaving Abby in utter shock. Vicki took the tablet from her, Abby not being able to move an inch. “They’ve no doubt used the code module to do a mass-decommissioning of the entire planet. Kids no longer remember the Kids Next Door.” 

Maurice interjected. “The G:KND doesn’t have operatives’ DNA that were removed from the module. The TND is still operational. Though, we’re much smaller in number, as you know.” 

“It’s my guess that the Adults will use this opportunity to take the advantage,” Vicki explained. “Which is why we have to get off the planet before the G:KND formulate a plan to erase our memories as well. We’re sending a team to Mars to regroup and we would like you to come along. It’s a risk, but the planet is close enough where we could make it without issue.” 

“At this point, we need all the help we can get,” Maurice said. He looked at Abby, who was still in a daze. “But we have to leave now!” 

But Abby couldn’t bring herself to move. Nigel had decommissioned the entire planet, knowing full well of the consequences. Earth, his home planet, was no longer important enough to keep around. No, that wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. Her lips parted, her eyebrows lifted to the top of her forehead. “Nigel Uno...” she whispered. Her eyebrows suddenly creased as a deep rage welled up inside her. “What have you done?” 

“Get dressed!” Maurice shouted, not having heard her. “I’ll wait for you outside.” 

Once she was left alone, Abby threw on the simplest outfit she could manage, along with her red hat and her usual gold hoops and rushed out the door. Maurice was there, waiting. She frowned at him, a sudden dread filling her. Abby’s entire body grew stiff as a board. She ran past Maurice, nearly pushing him over in her haste. Maurice closed his eyes, exhaling deeply. He knew where she was going. 

“Abby...” He turned around, watching her scurry down the stairs and out the door. “Abigail!” he screamed. “Do not look for Sector V!” 

Abby didn’t say hello to her parents that morning. She didn’t bother to eat breakfast. She didn’t even shout ‘Goodbye’ as she sprinted out the front door. Her bike sat in the garage, where she left it. She hopped on, revving up the motor. It was imperative that she make it to school as early as possible. She hadn’t heard what Maurice was saying before she ran out of his range, but she knew exactly what it was. He told her to leave without her team, without Sector V. Abby grimaced. He was an idiot. Without them, the TND would never stop Nigel. 

She peddled as fast as she could, making it to the campus in record time. As she pulled up to the front, she glanced back behind her, her chest constricting from the endurance. She leapt out, not even bothering to put on a bike lock. Her best bet was to check all of the teen’s usual hangout spots, which meant the most obvious choice would be...She scanned the front of the building, her eyes moving toward the concrete steps. Nodding determinately, she raced over to them, going deep within the bowels of the school’s social class. 

This was what they at McClintock called the Underbelly, a group consisting of four primary social groups: Goths, Punks, Emo, and (although they were dwindling) Metal-heads. These were the words the rest of the TEENZ and other popular kids used to describe these groups. In reality, they didn’t have much to do with each other except for the fact that they all smoked under the steps before class. But the TEENZ never cared. To them, they were just freaks. 

Nobody looked at her awkwardly as she walked by. They were all too busy focusing on their own conversations to notice. Finally, she spotted a boy about to light up a joint. He was of medium height with fluffy blond hair that ratted in front of his face. 

She couldn’t help herself. “Wally!” She called, her voice losing its usual cool. This got some attention, but not a stunning amount. Perhaps the music everyone was blasting in their headphones was drowning out her voice. She moved through the crowd, stepping over kids sitting on the floor and making plans to set up a drug deal later in the day. Wally looked up at her as he noticed she was approaching him. “Wally...” she said again, relieved. 

“Yeah?” he said with a biting attitude. 

Abby realized now might not be the best time to lay it on thick. She shook her head. “Wallabee Beetles?” she asked. 

“Yeah?” 

She stuck out her hand. “Abigail Lincoln.” Wally took the hand and shook it reluctantly. “Listen, I need to talk to ya.” 

“Okay...” 

Abby looked around. “N-not here.” She turned around and started to head for the light. “Follow me.”

Wally groaned, picking up his backpack and snuffing out the joint. He squinted as he walked into the light, acting like a vampire at daybreak. She tugged lightly on his arm as she took him behind the school. 

“Whoa!” He said, stopping in his tracks. “Where are we going?” 

Abby didn’t look back. “We’ve gotta find a place where they won’t hear us. Abby’s not supposed to be doin’ this...” 

Wally’s brows flattened. “Doin’ what?” He rolled his eyes. “If this is some sorta love confession, I got a girlfriend so...” 

“It ain’t nothin’ like that.” Abby turned around, noticing that they were finally alone. “I need your help.” 

“Okay, uh, I don’t really sell anymore. Want me to hook you up? I know a guy...” Wally asked, leaning against the wall of the school. 

Abby’s face flattened. “No.” 

“Okay, then. What?” 

Abby sighed. She wasn’t sure how to go about doing this, but she didn’t have a choice. She looked into his eyes, his innocent eyes that had no idea what was to come, or even what had been. “Somethin’ bad’s about to happen,” she explained. 

He narrowed his eyes. “What?” 

“I don’t know,” she whispered, honestly. She snapped her head up, grabbing him by the sleeve. “But there ain’t much time. We’ve gotta find the others and-” 

“Whoa! Whoa! What others? What’s gonna happen?” he spat, yanking himself away. “You’re not makin’ any sense, Lady!” 

“Wally!” she snapped, for a moment forgetting who she was talking to. “Nigel’s decommissioned the entire pl-” She froze. She couldn’t just blurt everything out. She had to be tactful. “I mean...somethin’s happened and if we don’t act fast, all the kids of this planet will be in danger.” 

But Wally scoffed. “Good. I hate bloody kids. The aliens can take ‘em for all I care.” 

Abby blinked. “Howd’ya know it was Aliens? Did you see the announcement?” 

Wally grinned at her mockingly. “Yeah. That’s it.” 

Abby was prepared for this. She knew that as teenagers, it was unlikely that her team would retain their affection for children. “Look, just come with me and I’ll explain everything.” 

“With a complete stranger to who knows where? You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.” He crossed his arms. “Besides, I’m waitin’ for my girlfriend. She ain’t here yet.” He started to walk away. “Go find someone else to do your dirty work.” 

The bell started to chime. It was the last warning before class started. But Abby was desperate. She ran up to Wally, grabbing him by the arm. “Please! You don’t understand!” 

“Get off me, Lady!” He whined. He heard the bell chime again. He decided today might be a good day to actually start going to school. “I gotta get to class!” 

“No! Don’t go in there!” she shouted. “You won’t be safe in there!” 

“Get lost!” he shouted, yanking himself free of her grip. He sprinted around the school, up the stairs to the front door, which was slowly closing. Abby ran after him but arrived too late. Wally turned, giving her a cheeky face as the door closed in her face. 

Yanking on the door, she realized it was locked. She banged as hard as she could, but no one would let her inside. Great, she thought. Now she was late. She wouldn’t make it to the others until second period when they re-opened the doors, and by then it would be too late. She searched her pocket for a gadget that might help her break in, but she had left most of her devices at home in her hurry. She smacked the window, trying the handle again even though she knew it was pointless. Just when she was about to give up on the door and try for a window, she noticed a figure coming towards her. 

Hoagie was walking down the hall, a string of cables wrapped around his shoulder, when he heard a loud banging on the door. Another student who missed the bell, he figured. He turned the corner, thinking he could take a detour on his way to the Cafeteria. But as soon as he got half way down the hall, he stopped dead in his tracks. He turned back around, facing away from the girl with the red hat who was locked outside. His lips curved downward. He could just walk away, he argued with himself. That was certainly an option. After all, students weren’t allowed to let in other students after the bell had rung. He tried to move his feet forward, but something stopped him. 

He looked up at the ceiling and grumbled. “God, why do you hate me?” 

He turned back around to face the door. Walking up to it, he pushed it open, revealing a frazzled and distraught Abigail Lincoln, whose mouth looked as though it would fall off as soon as she saw him. 

“Hoagie,” she spoke, breathlessly. She looked as though she had just run a marathon. 

So, she knows my name, he thought somewhat bitterly. Hoagie wasn’t sure what to say. He averted his eyes from her, as he usually did, offering to her one line. “This is unlike you,” he said. 

A pair of hands reached out, tugging on his collar. Abby pulled herself up to his face, caught between him and the door. “I need you,” she heaved. 

Hoagie blushed a brilliant red. “W-what?” 

“I need you,” she said again. “To help me.” 

Hoagie scowled, moving backwards away from her. “Oh-ho no.” The door shut behind them. Abby tried to go after him, but he just kept shaking his head. “No. You stay away from me.” He managed to unclasp her hands from his sweatshirt. “I don’t want anything to do with you or your asshole friends!” 

Abby scrunched her nose. “Friends? You mean the TEENZ? Those freaks ain’t Abby’s friends!” 

Hoagie crossed his arms. “Oh, please.” 

“No, really! I... I’m a spy!” she explained. “I work for the Kids Next Door.” 

Hoagie stared at her blankly. “I’m sorry, the what?” 

“THE KIDS NEX-” She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Man, this is frustratin’.” She took a step back from him, adjusting her hat. “The Kids Next Door,” she continued. “It’s an organization that exists to protect the rights of kids. I am former operative Numbuh 5, former Soopreme Leader and agent for the Kids Next Door Moon Base. I’ve been selected for a special mission to infiltrate the TEENZ and report information back as directed.” 

Hoagie just blinked. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” 

Abby growled. “Stupid?” 

“Since when do kids have rights?” 

Abby brought her palm to her forehead. “Okay, seriously? Yo’ brother never said anything about the Kids Next Door?” 

“No. Why would he? Wait. How do you know I have a brother?” 

Abby shook her head. “Never mind. Point is, I’m not a member of the TEENZ. I’m fightin’ for kids. And right now I need yo’ help.” 

Hoagie lifted an eyebrow. “Okay, look,” he said, trying desperately to wrap his brain around the situation. Was she trying to trick him? He couldn’t read her at all. All he could see was that she appeared desperate. She would probably take anyone at this point. “If it’s so important, I can get someone to--” 

“No!” Abby protested. “I need you.” 

Hoagie wasn’t expecting that response. His cheeks were now a rosy pink instead of a fire engine red. “Why?” 

“Abby will explain that later,” she told him. 

“Why can’t Abby explain it now?” he replied, mocking her speech patterns. “Abigail...I’m kind of on a tight schedule. I’m supposed to hook these cables up before the announcement.” 

Abby’s ears perked. “Announcement?” 

Hoagie nodded. “The teachers are setting up a giant projector in the cafeteria to watch some important announcement. It’s supposedly going to be a nation-wide broadcast. Probably from the President or something. But our TV and Internet were on the fritz this morning, so I have no idea.” 

Abby’s eyes widened. “They know,” she whispered. She grabbed him by the arm again and pulled him down the hallway. “C’mon! We’re goin’ to the cafeteria!” 

“Hey!” he shouted as she dragged him along. “Abigail! Stop!” However, as they ran, they could hear the sound of clanking boots coming down the other hallway. “Oh shit,” Hoagie said under his breath. He looked at Abby, worry starting to settle into his voice. “Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll help you!” he said, walking the other way. He swung Abby around, who was still holding onto him. 

“Where are you goin’? The cafeteria is this way.” She tried to pull him the opposite direction but couldn’t budge him. He was much stronger than she remembered. 

“Do you want my help or not?” he asked, pointedly, not stopping. 

“Well, yeah-” 

They arrived at an old Janitor’s closet. “We can’t let him see you.” Hoagie opened the door. “In here.” Abby heard the footsteps grow closer. She nodded at Hoagie and quickly scurried into the closest, closing the door behind them. 

Hoagie took out his phone, letting the light illuminate his face. He put a finger to his lips and began to type something. 

-Don’t turn on the light.

Abby nodded, pulling out her own phone. She began to text back. 

-So what’s the plan? 

-We wait. 

-I think we’re fine. As long as we don’t speak, he shouldn’t catch wind. 

-And if he does? 

Hoagie paused. A shadow appeared over the crack in the door, blocking out the light. He started typing when the door to the closet began to jiggle. Hoagie did the only thing he could think of. He tossed Abby his phone, reaching up to turn on the light. As the light flickered on, he grabbed the door handle and swung it open, just enough for Abby to creep behind the other side. It was just as he thought. 

“What do you know, Joe?” he said in a cool, calm voice. He propped his leg up on the door frame.

Joe Balooka stood, startled that the door had opened before he got a change to do it himself. However, he softened into a warm smile. “Hoagie Gilligan. I should’a known.” 

Hoagie pulled out a small green laminated card from his jacket pocket. “Don’t worry, Joe. I’ve got a hall pass.” 

“Thought you were a runner,” he said. “They usually straggle out around this time when they think the coast is clear. I could’a sworn I saw a cell phone light dancin’ around in there.” 

Hoagie swallowed. Joe was good, always had been, but he was better. “Yeah, that was me. I couldn’t find the light switch.” He scratched the back of his neck, innocently. “Sorry for the confusion.” 

Joe’s smile broadened. “You know, you could’ve just used the light from the hallway. I keep all the closet doors open during class periods, remember?” He lifted an eyebrow. “You’re not hiding anything in there, are you Gilligan? A girl, maybe?” 

“If there was a girl, the last thing I would do is hide her in a closet.” 

Joe shrugged. “Hm. Fair point.” 

“I just needed some extra cables so we can set up the projector in the cafeteria,” Hoagie explained. He spoke a little louder so that Abby could hear him. “But the faculty probably won’t let us watch the broadcast with them so we’re planning to watch it from 109.” 

“109?” Joe said. “That tiny thing?” 

“Yeah, but it’s better than nothing at all,” Hoagie supposed. “And we’ve got a pretty neat set up.” 

Joe looked around, a suspicious look crossing his face. “Listen,” he whispered. “I know you’re not on the force anymore--” 

“Haven’t been for a long time, Joe.” 

Joe nodded. “But between you and me, somethin’ fishy is goin’ down among the faculty. I’d watch my back if I was you. They’re sending stragglers straight to the Principal’s office.” 

Hoagie frowned. “I wonder what’s going on.” 

“Who knows?” He leaned in close. “But I’d keep that hall pass out from now on. And if you see any tardies or runners, report em. Anyone who doesn’t...let’s just say it ain’t pretty.” Joe stuffed his hands in his pockets. “And you might wanna leave that door wide open,” he said. “The other monitors ain’t so nice, if you catch my drift.” 

“Thanks for the tip,” Hoagie said as Joe began to walk back to the main hallway. “I’ll see ya around, Joe,” he called back. Joe waved without looking back at him. 

As soon as he was around the corner, Hoagie went back to the closet. Abby hadn’t moved a muscle during the entire conversation, still intently waiting. Hoagie held out his hand for his phone, which she handed to him. He placed a finger on his lips again and typed. 

-The place is crawling with snitches. You have to move fast. 

Abby nodded and replied. 

-109

-Password: Geronimo 

Abby looked at him with annoyance but didn’t question it. The AV room has a password, she thought. Nerds were so weird. Hoagie was already typing again by the time she had written it down. 

-#? 

Abby grinned. 

-It’s there. 

Hoagie flushed, looking at his phone. Sure enough, in his contacts was a little number 5 with a number right beneath it. “You hacked my phone?” he whispered in embarrassment and disbelief. Abby put a finger to her own lips and winked. She put up five fingers to let him know what her name would be under. Hoagie groaned as he adjusted the cables, stuffing his phone in his pocket. “Yeah, I know which one it is.” He tossed the cables over his shoulder. Before he left, he pulled out the neon green hall pass, dropping it on the floor in front of Abby. “Here. You’ll need this.” 

“I can’t. What if you get caught?” Abby whispered a little too loudly. 

“I won’t,” he said back, still in a hushed tone. “But you said you needed me, right? So if by some chance I do get caught, you won’t have any choice but to save me.” He turned away from her. “If you get caught, there’s not much I’ll be able to do for you. So it’s better you take it.” He took a few steps forward before stopping again. “When you get to the room, tell the guys I sent you and give them the password. They should let you in. I’ll meet you there as soon as I finish.” 

She waited until he was a good distance down the hall before sneaking out of the closet. Picking the hall pass up off the floor, she casually stood up and turned off the light, shutting the door and walking purposefully to room 109. It took less convincing than she had thought to get him on her side. A warm, prideful feeling began to replace her anger. Maybe now it would be easier to recruit the others. 

When he approached the large cafeteria doors, Hoagie realized they were closed shut. He wasn’t surprised that no one stopped him on the way there. He was, after all, carrying a large ring of cables over his shoulder, indicating that he was on a job. If one was going to try and skip school, he figured this wouldn’t be half bad of a strategy so long as the kid lived close enough or had a car. He pulled on the handle. It was unlocked. However, he was only able to open it a couple inches before it slammed shut again. The slam pinched Hoagie’s fingers. Annoyed, he knocked on the door. A tall, scrawny man with large pop-bottle glasses opened the door, glaring down at him.

“Who are you? What do you want?” he spat. He snarled at the teenager. “This is a Teacher’s only event. No students. Get back to class before I report you.” 

“I, um...” Hoagie tried to speak up. He slid the cables down from his shoulders. “I’m from AV. I brought your cable-” 

“Oh!” the teacher said, reaching over and grabbing for the cables out of Hoagie’s hands. “Yes, of course! Thank you, Young Man.” He started to head back into the Cafeteria. 

“Uh, are you sure you don’t want me to come and set up the--” 

“Nope! Thanks!” He said, slamming the door right in Hoagie’s face. 

He rubbed his shoulder, walking back towards room 109 and grumbling to himself over his mistreatment. Abigail was right. There was something strange happening. He sighed. But whatever that had to do with him, he didn’t understand. If it was his research she was after, he would have to tell her that he no longer had it. Which meant that she probably didn’t know about the break in. Still, for the time being, he liked having the insurance. And what did he know? Maybe she wanted him for an entirely different reason. 

His thoughts halted as he heard footsteps coming from the opposite direction. He held his breath. 

This was going to be one hell of a day. 

While Hoagie went off to finish his job, Abby finally made it to room 109. She had passed by many Hall Monitors on her way over, but as soon as she flashed that green card, they passed her without a second thought. It was like gaining access to a military base in the KND. As long as you acted like you belonged there, no one really questioned you. She looked around for Hoagie, who hadn’t come back yet. Not knowing how long they had until the announcement, she decided she couldn’t wait for him any longer and knocked on the door.

It was a girl who answered. She was petite with gnarly brown hair that was strapped up into messy pigtails. Her pupils dilated a bit upon seeing Abby, not knowing whether to greet her with open arms or to slam the door right in her face. She was inclined to do the latter. 

“Uh...hi,” Abby started, to which the girl responded with a dower glare. “This the AV club room?”

The girl turned up her nose. “Authorized personnel only.” 

Another boy peaked his head out, his black hair shaggily hanging into his eyes. “What’s going on, Tess?” he asked, but froze when he saw Abby. A grin appeared across his face. “Well...hello there.” 

Abby forced herself to smile. “Hi,” she said again. “I was told you got a TV here.” 

The girl snarled. “Who wants to know?” 

“Special Agent Abigail Lincoln of the Teens Next Door. I’ve been given permission to access this lab.” Abby flashed the green card in their faces. “Look, I even got a hall pass,” she said jovially. 

There was a long pause. The boy shrugged. “Works for me.” 

“Wha- Kepler!” The girl screamed and whispered simultaneously. “We can’t just let her into our inner sanctum!” She pulled him aside, tugging at his shirt. “What if she isn’t telling the truth? What if she’s one of the TEENZ?” 

“You think she’d be here if she was a TEEN?” His voice quieted to a whisper. “C’mon Tessa, did you see that girl? She’s is fire. I might never get another chance like this again!” 

“Will you stop acting with your dick and think for once?” 

“Calm down! You’re just being paranoid!” 

“Uh, excuse me?” Abby tapped her foot, impatiently. “Don’t talk about people when they’re five feet away. It ain’t polite.” 

Kepler went back to the door, getting a good solid look at Abby, and quite liking what he saw. “Sorry, Babe. Can’t let you in without full consent. Unless you got authorization from a member--” 

“Hoagie Gilligan sent me,” she said bluntly. 

Tessa and Kepler’s faces fell. Kepler tilted his head to the side. “Gilligan did?” Abby nodded. “...Hoagie Gilligan?” 

“Hoagie and this chick are friends?” Tessa whispered into Kepler’s ear, who shrugged. 

Abby scowled. “Abby ain’t a chick,” she hissed at them. “And yeah. We’re friends. Why you actin’ like it’s such a big deal?” 

Kepler scratched the back of his neck. “Well-” 

He was cut off by a quick jab in the arm by Tessa. “If that’s true...then what’s the secret password?” 

Abby, who was getting fed up at this point, rolled her eyes. “Y’all are seriously gonna make me say it?” Tessa lifted an eyebrow, signaling that this was her intention. Abby sighed, a light blush creeping across her face. “Fine. Ger-ger-” She scrunched her nose. “Geronimo,” the word slipped out under her breath, just loud enough for Tessa and Kepler to hear. 

Their jaws dropped to the floor. “No fucking way...” Kepler managed to squeak. 

“Yeah, well, okay.” Tessa, who for her own reasons did not want Abby to enter. “Then what’s the context for the password?” 

Abby’s ears burned. As she marched over to the girl. “The context is you let me in the damn room or imma kick the fuckin’ door down. How’s that for context!”

Tessa and Kepler looked at each other, then at Abby, then back at each other, giving off a ‘well, shit’ vibe on each of their faces. Tessa reluctantly pushed the door open as a farcical smile appeared on Abby’s face. 

“Thank you very much,” she said with false sweetness. The door shut behind her. 

Kepler and Tessa kept staring at her. Kepler was the first to speak. He tried to put his arm around Abby as he led her into the room. It was small, just as Joe had said, with wires dripping from the ceiling like icicles. Old computer parts and monitors lay sprawled about in boxes, reaching high over their heads. On the wall, a projection screen was set up, tiny chairs arranged in front of it as though they were preparing for an event of some kind. There was something familiar about it, though. 

“This way, Milady.” 

Abby walked past Kepler, shrugging him off. “Don’t touch me.” 

He lifted his hands in the air. “Tch. Salty.” 

Tessa eyed the new person, not even bothering to be jealous of Kepler’s flirtations this time. Something more pressing was on her mind. She tugged on his shirt, a look of worry spreading across her face. “Kepler...” 

“Relax,” he assured her. “We can’t assume anything until we figure out what’s going on. We need a private investigation.” 

“But-” 

“I know. Just keep your guard up in case--” 

“In case, what?” Abby didn’t bother to turn around as she spoke to them. “Abby steals all yo’ nerd equipment?” She scoffed. “Please.” She wondered if they even payed attention when she said she could hear everything they said. 

Tessa flinched. “Abby. It was Abby, right?” 

Abby turned around, crossing her arms. “Yeah.” 

The girl straightened up, her pigtails flopping as she adjusted position. “You said Hoagie Gilligan gave you the password to get in here?” 

“That’s right.” 

Tessa swallowed. “It’s just...nobody but the AV club staff is allowed in here. They haven’t been for over two years now.” Abby didn’t look surprised by this, which worried Tessa even more. “Bullies kept sneaking in, stealing things, destroying things...” Abby’s heart skipped. She thought this place looked familiar. “Hoagie was the one who had it the worst, so he was the one who eventually went to the school board about it. He doesn’t let anyone in here, not friends, not even teachers sometimes. So forgive me...” Her lips twisted down into a frown. “If I think your story is a load of bunk.” 

“But,” Kepler added. “If it isn’t, that means Gilligan trusts you. That or...” he couldn’t finish his sentence.

Tessa shivered. “It’s really serious.”

Abby sat down on the blue chair, resting her arm on its back. “Just the end of the world,” she whispered, out of Tessa and Kepler’s earshot. 

The boy’s bathroom was the most disgusting place in the universe. The fact was non-negotiable. Hoagie stood pressed against the scummed-up wall by the exit. He leaned into the door, pressing his ear as close as he could to the edge. He could hear muffling from the outside conversation but couldn’t make out any words. He knew by the way they spoke, however, that they weren’t loitering students. Stealthily, he pushed the door open a sliver, able to see and hear what was happening. The two boys in orange vests stood facing away from him, munching on probably confiscated chew. Hoagie grit his teeth. He couldn’t believe that he used to be a hall monitor as a child. Out of all his memories, that sickening piece of information was stuck in his brain forever. Wonderful. 

“...but it ain’t like the they got somethin’ better to do.” The first boy spit into a Gatorade bottle. Hoagie cringed. “I get to P.E. n’ all the sudden Joey calls up, says we got a 594 and before you can say locker room I’m right back here again. On dodgeball day too.” 

“Ain’t that just the way?” The other one said.

Hoagie opened the door a little more. The TEENZ? Were they involved with this too? 

“All I’m sayin’ is, why can’t they catch their own damn prey? We’s just as important as them. We’re hall monitors for Chrissakes, not the goddamn secret police! If I miss anotha day’a biology my teacher’s gonna show me the whip.” 

“Or worse,” the boy on the right said. “The dissectin’ table.” 

The two shuddered. 

“Let’s face it. Joey’s sold out.” Spit. 

“Big time.” 

Just then, more footsteps were heard, the boys straightening up as a girl walked past. She was also in an orange vest, her blonde hair pulled up tight into a high bun. “Well,” she started. “Looks like I caught me a couple’a slackers.” She snatched the can of chew out of the left boy’s hand. “You’re supposed to be looking for the target.” 

“We looked! We didn’t see anything!” The second boy complained. 

But the girl grabbed him by the collar. Her eyes merciless. “Look. Harder.” She released him, throwing him nearly into the bathroom door. “They’re serious about this one. You know how they get when they aren’t fed. I ain’t takin’ the punishment just because a few guys wanted to get a good slap in the ass! So get moving!” she screamed. The boys nodded and grumbled away, the girl following behind. 

Hoagie blinked for a second. This wasn’t good. He knew the TEENZ and the Adults were on good terms, that they often worked together to use children and other people to their advantage, but he didn’t know how deep it ran. He didn’t want to know. He shut the door, pressing his body against the tile. They were definitely after something. Something important. Hoagie’s brows lifted. 

Or someone. 

“No, he totally could occupy the same space because moving through the time stream would mean you move outside of your existence and into a time stream that you are no longer a part of,” Tessa explained vehemently to Kepler, who was still setting up the wiring system for the announcement. Abby thought she was going to die of tedium. 

Kepler didn’t look up but was still engrossed in the argument. “But if you’re applying the unified timeline theory, like Wells is doing, then he should still occupy the same space because space and time are disconnected. Therefore, he would run himself over. It’s a paradox, Tessa.”

Tessa shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense!” she said flailing her arms in the air. She noticed Abby glaring at the empty screen, impatiently. “New girl! You think I’m right, don’t you?” She turned to the other boy and sneered. “Tell Kepler he’s full of shit!”

Abby drearily turned her head to face the girl. “You’re kiddin’, right?” She pulled out her phone and stared at the empty screen. Where the hell was Hoagie? It had been almost ten minutes and the broadcast would premiere in another five. She bit her lip. He would call her if he was in trouble, wouldn’t he? Unless...

“I am not full of shit!” Kepler defended. He grabbed a notebook off the counter, flipped it open, and sat down in the chair next to Abby. Pulling out the pen stuck onto the first page, he drew a diagram on the paper. “Look, Wells sits in the machine here...and he watches as things change. He doesn’t move out of the space he is occupying. Yet, he still travels through time.” He slammed his pen down, confidently. “Paradox.”

“How do you know he doesn’t move out of the timeline? He could be constantly switching timelines without realizing it!” Tessa explained. 

“That wasn’t even a theory when the book came out!” Kepler contradicted. He had even stopped flirting with Abby for a while in order to focus solely on his victory. 

Abby arched her back, clutching her head in agony. The strongest desire to scream at the top of her lungs came over her, which she repressed with every might of her being. Just then her phone buzzed, an unknown number flashing across the screen. She shot up, pressing the green button. 

“Hello?” she said, a little too excitedly. 

The other line was quiet for a moment. “...Abigail?” 

“Where the hell are you?!” She shouted at full volume. Hoagie on the other line had to pull the receiver far away from his ear. 

“Abigail...shh! Be quiet-” he tried. 

“Huh-uh!” Abby snapped. “While you’ve been off doin’ whatever it is yo’ doin’, Abby’s been stuck listenin’ to the bitchins’a Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass ova’here waitin’ for you!” 

“Tessa thinks Wells’ Time Machine isn’t a paradox!” Kepler shouted, right into Abby’s ear. 

“If Wells isn’t there when he leaves to go to the future, then it isn’t a paradox! The time machine moves out of that space and into the space of the future!” Tessa screamed in Abby’s other ear. 

“Imma put you both in a time machine and send you back to the stone age!” Abby screamed back. 

“Abigail, listen,” Hoagie ignored the conflict altogether. “I think the TEENZ are onto you.” Abby brought the phone closer but didn’t say anything. “They’re screening the area for something specific. That’s why they’re sending everyone to the principal’s office. They might have figured out that you’re a double agent.” 

Abby sighed. “Don’t worry about it. It don’t matter now, anyway.” She tilted her head. “That why you called me or did you need somethin’?” 

“Oh. Right. There’s something I need you to do.” 

Abby peeled herself away from the two geeks, who were eavesdropping on her conversation. “Sure.” 

“Talk to me.” 

Abby was confused. “What about? Where are you?” 

“It doesn’t matter just--” He paused, as though waiting for something to pass. “Just make it sound important.” Another pause. When Hoagie spoke again, his voice raised significantly in volume. “Yes. I understand.” 

“Uh...so...” She froze. What was she supposed to say? “So...” Abby used the first thing that popped into her head. “Our program offers many different degrees in neuroscience and engineering so if you--”

She heard Hoagie laughing on the other line. “Seriously?” 

Abby blushed. “You got somethin’ better?” 

“No, no. It’s fine. Keep going.” 

Abby rolled her eyes. “We appreciate you taking the time to converse with us in person. Thank you very much for considering our program. Tell me, Mr. Gilligan, what field are you interested in pursuing at our University?” 

“Well, I’ve always been interested in engineering, but I also have a hand in applied physics, so something that incorporates--” His voice cut off. 

Abby felt the hairs on her neck stand up. “Y-yes?” No response. She decided to keep up the act in case someone was listening. “Mr. Gilligan, are you still there?” Again, there was no response. “Hoagie?” She could hear the strain in her own voice, unable to completely control it. “Hoagie are you there?” 

There was a long pause before she heard a reply. “I’m here,” he finally said. “That was close, though.” 

Abby let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God,” she said. “Abby didn’t wanna have to pull yo’ ass outta trouble.” She brought her mouth away from the receiver. “Again.”

She heard a pounding on the door. As she rushed to it, Tessa grabbed her by the arm, throwing her back in her seat. “Wait for the password.” 

Abby frowned. “Fuckin’ password...” she grumbled. 

“Geronimo! Open the door!” came Hoagie’s somewhat frantic voice from the other side. He stumbled in, clutching his chest slightly. “Okay. That’s enough excitement for one day...” he said as he slunk down. 

Kepler went over to him. “What happened to you?” 

Hoagie gave him a biting look from above his glasses, which had slid down to the tip of his nose. “Hall monitors.” 

“Ick.” Tessa said, as she took over setting up the projector in Kepler’s place. “Say no more.” 

Kepler slid down and sat next to Hoagie, his eyes wide. “Dude. Gilligan. Where’d you find that snack?” 

Hoagie adjusted his glasses, his eyes squinting. “Where’d I what?” 

“The girl, man!” He nudged Hoagie. “She is thicc...” 

“You mean, Abigail?” he clarified. “She’s in my Anatomy class.” Kepler gave him a sly look. “What?” 

“Looking for extra credit?” 

Hoagie stood up. “Oh, fuck off, Kepler.” He made his way to one of the filing cabinets, unlocking it with the key and pulling out what seemed to be a medium-sized blue notebook. 

“We go live in two minutes, people,” Tessa announced to the rest of them.

Abby took her seat, then Hoagie next to her. He looked exhausted. Tessa was the next one to sit down, then finally Kepler. Tessa looked at Hoagie. 

“But seriously, I’m right about the Wells theory--” 

She was cut off as Hoagie handed her the notebook, dropping it at her feet. “Here.” 

Her eyes lit up as she picked up the book. “Is this...” 

“Yeah,” Hoagie stated bluntly. “Don’t drool on it, please.” 

“I wanna see!” Kepler shouted, trying to take the book from Tessa. 

“No way! He gave it to me!” 

“Gimmie the book, Tessa!” 

The two ran over to the corner of the room, flipping through the pages. Hoagie sighed in relief, leaning on the chair. “Well, that took care of that.” 

Abby looked at the scene, unsure of what to make of it. “What is it?” 

Hoagie adjusted his glasses again, wiping the sweat off his nose. “It’s my theoretical framework and calculations for time travel.” He said it so bluntly, Abby couldn’t help but recoil. “In other words,” he added. “It’s 100 complete pages of bullshit.” 

Abby gave a small laugh. “You don’t believe in time travel?” 

“Well, duh,” Hoagie said. “Of course I do. We’re always moving through time.” He lifted his arms, waving them around. “We’re traveling through time right now! Oooooh!” 

“Hey! Gilligan!” Kepler shouted from the back. “Don’t sass the hot girl! I wanna keep her!” 

Hoagie rolled his eyes. “So if she wasn’t hot, you wouldn’t mind? Is that what you’re saying? Because attraction is subjective...” He looked at Abby, realizing what he might have said. “N-not that you’re not attractive-” 

“Shh! Everyone!” Tessa hushed them. “It’s on!” 

The group quieted, watching the projection. Abby bit her lip. On the screen, the silhouette of a man stood in front of a large mass of people. The ‘announcement’, as everyone was calling it, took place in a colosseum filled with Adults. A large red curtain draped behind him as he stood at a wooden podium. Even though it had been years since she had seen the man, Abby knew him right away. 

Father. 

“Fellow Adults,” he said, lifting his hands up into the air. “The Kids Next Door is no more!” At the sound of his words came a thunderous applause. Father silenced the crowd. “Who would have thought that after all this time, those bratty kids would lead themselves to their own destruction! And WE didn’t have to any of the work!” Again, the audience erupted. “Now, now. I know we’re all excited, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I am here to make a very important announcement. As you all know, eliminating the Kids Next Door is only step one in a never-ending struggle for maintaining our standard of living. We thought we could get kids to do our chores, wash our cars and mow our lawns, but they just don’t listen! They have absolutely no respect! For years we’ve fought and struggled against kids who just wanted to laze around and eat candy, instead of actually contributing to society! Well! No more!” 

Hoagie stared at the TV. “Is this guy for real?” 

“As your newly elected Supreme Leader,” Father continued. “I say we shouldn’t have to wait for kids to grow up! Population levels are at an all-time high. There is not enough food, not enough resources. Who earns the money?” 

“Adults!” cried the crowd. 

“And who takes all our money?” 

“Kids!” They shouted again. 

“Children have been taking your hard-earned money to buy video games and ice cream bars. And do they give us any appreciation? No! They just want more and more! More toys! More clothes! And now they’re starting to ask for our toys! Computers, cellphones, portable devices, your kids see you have something and what do they do? They take it! I will no longer be a slave to my kids! And neither will you!” Father rested his hands on the podium. “My dear Adults, while we may have won the battle, the war is still on! Kids are still living in our homes. Like parasites, they suck out our blood, our energy, and our lives. But not anymore. Allow me to--” 

“Ooh! Oooh! Mr. Father, Sir!” A loud, screeching voice sang from one of the seats. “Over here!” 

Father pinched his nose, turning the direction of the screaming. A man with a roll of toilet paper around his head stood waving his arms around like a maniac. “Yes, Toiletnator. What is it?” 

Hoagie cocked an eyebrow. “Is...that guy...wearing toilet paper-” he started. Abby shushed him. 

“Um...” The Toiletnator folded his hands together, sticking on a sheepish smile. “I reaaaaaaally have to go to the bathroom.” 

“Can’t it wait?” Father groaned. “I’m in the middle of my victory speech here!” 

The Toiletnator pouted. “But I gotta go super bad! I’m gonna wet myself!” He began hopping from one leg to the other, the Adult next to him screaming that pee was leaking out from under his leg. “Oh please! Oh please please please-”

“Alright!” Father finally gave in. “Go!” 

“Thank you!” The strangely dressed man leapt out of his seat, apologizing to everyone as he climbed over them. “Don’t say anything important!” he called. “I’ll be right back.” 

Father rolled his eyes as he watched the Toiletnator exit the stadium. “As I was saying.” He gestured towards the side as the camera panned over. A little girl, only five years old, stood trembling on the stage. A big burly man grabbed her by the arm, pulling her as she screamed. The curtain behind Father lifted, revealing what looked to be a string of test tubes. “Allow me to introduce the greatest invention you will ever see in your Adult lives!” Father said gleefully, showing off the massive object. “The Child Maturation Machine! You see, this little girl is an orphan. She has no family to take care of her, yet she still has to be paid for by the state! Odds are, she won’t be able to contribute much to our growing society because of competition from wealthy families. However, with our help, she can still be fit for the work force!” 

Hoagie put a hand to his mouth, thinking he was going to throw up. They watched as the little girl was placed inside the tube, a wire helmet strapped onto her head. Her eyes dulled, her body ceasing resistance. 

“With this, children can be educated, parented and fed while their parents still have a life. They will receive nutrients from broccoli and spinach, and all that gross stuff we hate to eat. Then, at the ripe age of thirteen, the children that are released will go right to High School. We will no longer have children that can’t keep up academically, no longer have a lack of able bodies. And best of all,” He lifted his arms in the air once more. “No more Kids. No more childhoods to traumatize us. No more poopy diapers or snot rags. We will be free!” The audience was in an uproar. “With this bill!” Father finished. “I declare it illegal to be under the age of thirteen!” 

The video continued to play, but Abby didn’t think she could watch any more. She looked over at Hoagie, whose eyes were glued to the screen.

“They’re joking.” Hoagie was in shock. “Th-this has to be a joke.”

Kepler frowned. “Well that was a let-down. I thought it was gonna be something cool like we landed on Mars or something.” 

Tessa agreed. “Major bummer.” 

Hoagie couldn’t feel his toes. He couldn’t hear the Adult’s jubilation on the television screen. His heart felt as though it would pop as he whispered. “Tommy.” Without warning, he stood up, finding the backpack he had left in the room earlier. He sprinted out of the room, whizzing past Abby after stumbling over some of the chairs that had been lying around.

“Hoagie!” Abby shouted, following right behind him as quickly as she could. “Hold up!” 

Hoagie sped down the hall as fast as he could walk. He didn’t look back at her. He didn’t care if he was seen. “I’m sorry, Abigail. I know I promised to help you, but I can’t. I have to go.” But Abby was more in practice and caught up to him easily. He spun around, angrily. “I told you-”

“You wanna save your brother?” she asked him, matter-of-factly. He panted, his face softening. “Then you follow me this time.”

Abby dragged Hoagie down the hall, running as fast as she could toward the exit. He was able to keep up fairly well, considering he hadn’t been doing field work for over six years. Finally, they saw the door. Abby gripped him tighter as she bolted forward. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, three Hall Monitors flipped over them, blocking their way out. They stood tall, like a barricade. Abby skidded to a halt, Hoagie bumping into her. 

“This way!” She shouted, turning around, but she was faced with another five Hall Monitors. In the center was Joe Balooka with a wicked jeer. It was no use. They were trapped. 

“Hoagie P. Gilligan.” Joe said shaking his head. “Running in the halls? You should know better.” 

Hoagie panted, making direct eye contact with him. “Stand down, Joe! This is an emergency!” 

But Joe wasn’t eager to listen to appeals. “Thought you’d pull the wool over my eyes, didn’t ya?” came his response. It was cold, but Hoagie could hear a tinge of sadistic enjoyment in it. He turned to one of the Hall Monitors, who Hoagie recognized as the girl from earlier. “Contact our friends. Tell ‘em we’ve acquired the target.” The blonde girl nodded and disappeared. 

“You’re disgusting,” Hoagie sneered, his eyes dull and unsurprised. “How about showing a little bit of compassion for once in your life.” 

Joe grinned. “Oh, come now. Don’t do me that way, Gilligan. It’s just business. A little corruption is necessary to keep the peace in this world.” His eyebrows raised at Abby. “Don’t you think, Doll?” 

But Abby just scowled. “Abby ain’t a doll,” she replied brutally. 

Hoagie took a few steps back, as the hall monitors readied their weapons, which were essentially just yard sticks. Still, it was more protection than either Hoagie or Abby had on them. “Don’t you get what’s happening?” Hoagie pleaded. “They’re going to make kids illegal! Or did you not hear that over the sound of you smacking your lips!” 

“You know what I love about you, Gilligan?” Joe’s voice quivered as his grin grew wider. “Even when your back’s against the wall you still think you’re a goddamn comedian.” He laughed as the Hall Monitors started to lunge forward. Hoagie looked to Abby for assistance, who was now trying the classroom doors. He ran to the other side of the hall, doing the same. All of them were locked. “C’mon, Hoagie you know how this is gonna end. If you don’t give them what they want, they’ll just take it. That’s what they do. You can’t beat’m so just give in already.” 

Hoagie grimaced. “No, Joe. I won’t,” He said gruffly. His fists clenched tightly, whitening at the knuckles. “I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t know who to trust, what to believe...” His nose twitched with anger. “But if helping Abigail means making sure the TEENZ don’t get what they want, then I’ll defend her with everything I’ve got!” He huffed, his face red. Steam hissed out the top of his head. His toes curled under the balls of his feet. “So you just try...” he heaved. 

“Abigail...” There was a short pause as Joe lifted his chin up curiously. His eyes went back over to Abby for a brief moment. “You mean her?” 

Hoagie relaxed a bit. “Of course I mean her. Who else would I be talking about?” 

Joe held up his finger, his grin returning. “Oh. I see what you’re doing. Nice try, Gilligan. You may’ve outsmarted me before, but you’re not gonna fool me this time! Now turn yourself in before I’m forced to arrest you.” 

“Arrest me? For what?!” 

Abby bolted in front of him, standing between him and Joe in a defensive position. Her stomach began to backflip. They knew? The TEENZ knew about him all along and the TND was completely clueless? Had they fooled him into a false sense of security, diverting him with cheap parlor tricks? Was everything she’d done to protect him pointless? She tried to keep herself together, to remain calm under the circumstance, but her shame was drilling a hole in her chest and she wouldn’t be able to contain it much longer. Did they know about the TND then? It didn’t matter. If she didn’t do something quick, it would all be over. 

“It was a brilliant plan,” Joe said, shaking his head. “Sure played me for a fool.” 

Hoagie’s breath began to shorten. “Abigail. What’s he talking about?” 

“Hoagie P. Gilligan: the big fat loser who nobody expected anything from, the poor kid who eats alone in the computer lab every day, the guy with the lame jokes and the negative sex appeal...” Joe continued. Hoagie flushed. “I’m impressed.” Joe’s eyes grew dark. “You almost got away with it.” 

“I don’t...” Hoagie’s head was in a fog. “I don’t understand...” 

“You had a good run,” Joe said. “But it’s over. You belong to them now. We all will soon enough. So I suggest you come quietly before anyone else has to get hurt.” 

Before Hoagie could make a physical reaction, He felt Abby’s hand reach back and grip his wrist. “Don’t listen to’m,” she said quietly. She could feel his entire body trembling. 

“B-But Abigail...” 

Abby spun around and looked him in the eyes. “Abby didn’t come all this way just to half-ass it.” She let go of him forcefully, the nerd picking up his wrist with his other hand as soon as she released it. “You’re comin’ with me. I help you save yo’ brother, you help me. That was the deal.” She turned back around to face Joe, spitting on the floor as she did so. “You ain’t a part of that arrangement.” 

Joe smirked, amused by this turn of events. “You wanna fight? You can try, Toots.” 

Abby took off her hat, rotating it on her head so the brim was facing the front instead of the back. She secured it tightly, a shadow appearing over her eyes. “Abby ain’t a Toots,” she spat, this time with a grin on her face. 

Joe signaled for the Hall Monitors to attack. All of them filed in at once, but none of them were a match for Abby’s physical strength. She kicked the first guy in the groin, taking him down with one hit. One Monitor tried to grab Hoagie from the back, then another from the front. He was able to shake off one of them, but the second was able to knock him to the ground. Abby swung and knocked the boy over with her braid. She fought until the first round of Joe’s lackeys were curled up in fetal positions on the floor. Hoagie looked at her, his jaw hanging open slightly. She stood tall, her back facing him and her shoulders moving up and down as she panted. Her head turned slightly, her eyes making contact with his. 

“What are you doin’?” He heard her say. Out of the fog of his mind, Hoagie was able to finally focus on what was happening. “Run!” 

“Oh! Right!” He scrambled to his feet as they heard Joe calling for reinforcements. He sprinted for the door. Before he reached the knob, the door flung open, revealing more Hall Monitors. 

“Surrender!” They shouted, unsure of what else to do. 

Hoagie gave a sheepish smile. “Heh heh. I’ll pass.” He turned around but was grabbed by all three of the Monitors. Abby saw this, which distracted her just long enough for the blonde female, who had returned from her trip to the office, to grab her by the ponytail and fling her down to the ground. Two injured Hall Monitors grabbed her arms, holding her back as she struggled. 

Joe walked slowly down the hall, the scene finally calming down and in his favor. The Hall Monitors brought Hoagie to Joe, slamming him against the lockers. Joe smiled, not breaking eye contact with him. “Well, now. That was a lot of hubbub for nothing, wouldn’t you say?” Hoagie tried to pull away but was too weak to fight three well-trained hall monitors with weapons. “It’s too bad. I mighta been able to cut a deal if you were still on the force.” 

Hoagie growled. “Suck my ass.” 

The corners of Joe’s lips turned up even more. “Thanks, but maybe some other time.” He got closer, Hoagie bracing himself. Abby watched the scene from a distance, trying desperately to think of a way out of the situation. “Maybe while you’re screaming for your mommy in their torture rooms.” 

“Torture?” His nose scrunched. “Just what the hell have you been getting yourself into?” 

“I’m just trying to survive,” Joe said honestly. “You feed the King, you might get some scraps from the table.” 

“I’d rather starve.” 

“Be my guest!” Joe spat back. “Don’t be lookin’ for any favors from me! You could have been one of us, but you pussed out. Now you’re getting exactly what you deserve. I’ve been waiting so long for this...” 

“Why you cock-sucking piece of sh-” 

Suddenly, a dark figure came barreling down the hallway, smacking the back of the heads of the Hall Monitors, allowing Abby to break free of their grip. The hooded figure faced Abby, nodding to her to take the opportunity and leave. Abby nodded back as she bolted down the hall toward Hoagie, fighting of other Monitors as she did so. Joe turned around, but was knocked to the ground by the mysterious hero. Then another went down, and another, until the remaining Hall Monitors held their hands up in surrender, letting go of Hoagie. 

“Now, Mr. Gilligan,” the figure said. “I don’t appreciate that kind of language in my school.” A hand reached up and removed the hood, revealing a woman with black hair and a very pronounced nose. “Although, I suppose there is a time and place for it.” 

Abby and Hoagie stared in disbelief. “Dr. Prageeta?” 

She looked over at Abby. “Father’s machines are already operational,” she explained. “I’ll take care of things here. You get as far away as you can.” 

“Thanks,” Abby said, yanking a still flabbergasted Hoagie out the door. 

The other Hall Monitors did nothing, despite Joe’s constant shouting. 

“She’s a teacher,” they said. “We can’t fight a teacher!” 

Prageeta proceeded to scold them, having them hold out their hands so she could whack them with her long yard stick. Hoagie and Abby made it down the concrete steps. Hoagie looked around frantically for his bike as Abby remained seemingly unfazed by the entire thing. “So, where to now?” 

“H-Hendry middle school,” Hoagie said, finally locating his bike. He pulled out the key from his backpack and tried to unlock it. His hands were shaking so rapidly, the key refused to go in the lock. 

Abby smiled as she walked over to her own bike. “Hello? Try this.” Hoagie looked up to see Abby’s bike, which was one of the TEENZ’s larger and faster bikes. 

“Oh.”

They got in and sped off without any hold up. Joe scurried out the door, once he had gotten past Prageeta, watching the black bike whiz off into the distance. He pulled out his communicator. “Hey. It’s me,” he said in a low voice. “The target’s escaped. He had help from Abigail Lincoln. I’ll put together a team and go after him right away.” 

“No, there’s no need,” The voice on the other line said. “It’s not like he has anywhere to go.” There was a rustling on the other end of the line, which made Joe really uncomfortable. “Let him run.” 

“H-Hey! Do I still get paid?” He called. The other end was silent. “Hello?!” 

Abby gripped tightly to the handlebars, the veins popping out of her skin. It was only a short drive away to their destination. Hoagie shifted focus from the window to Abby, who had been silent ever since they left the school. He had so many questions, so much he wanted to know, but he could tell now was not a good time to ask. Hoagie turned his eyes back to the front, awkwardly sitting in the silence, not knowing what to say or do. She lurched the bike forward, moving faster. His body lunged forward, stopping right before it hit the glass window and slamming his head back into the seat. He didn’t have much time to react before a great cement building came into view. 

“There!” Hoagie shouted. They had arrived at Hendry. The kids were already inside their classrooms when she pulled up to the front door. However, she didn’t stop there. 

“We’re goin’ in!” She shouted. 

“What do you mean we’re-” And then Hoagie realized what she meant. He screamed at the top of his lungs as they charged forward. “Are you crazy? You’re gonna kill someone!” Covering his face with his hands, Hoagie held his breath as Abby punched it up the stairs and through the front door. 

“Where’s his classroom?” she asked, turning a sharp corner. 

“It’s Mrs. Carr, third period. So just look for the-ahh!” he closed his eyes as she cornered around the hallway. He whispered to himself that he was going to die, until Abby finally stopped at the end of the hallway. 

“You get Tommy and meet me outside,” she said, revving up the motor again. Hoagie hopped out, taking one look back at her. “Abby’s got some kids to save.” The door swished closed as she cycled down the hall the opposite way. 

Hoagie burst into the classroom, his entire body now soaked with sweat. “Tommy!” He shouted, only to notice a room full of unfamiliar students glaring at him. The teacher was male. “Oh. Mrs. Carr is next door, isn’t she?” 

The teacher nodded, his face hard with annoyance. 

“R-right. Sorry,” Hoagie laughed awkwardly. “As you were.” 

On his second try, he managed to find his brother, sitting in the middle seat, reading Huckleberry Finn. 

“Hoagie?” He looked at his brother, tilting his head. “What are you doing here?” 

“Can I help you, Young Man?” Mrs. Carr, a woman standing at the front with a bee hive for hair said. 

“I...” Hoagie stammered. “I’m here to pick up Tommy for...a Doctor’s appointment.” He pushed through the desks, taking his brother by the hand. “Let’s go. Don’t want to be late.” 

But Tommy didn’t catch his hint. “I don’t have a Doctor’s appointment today,” he said, innocently. 

“You do now,” Hoagie said through his teeth. He pulled his brother out of the room. 

“Um...excuse me,” Mrs. Carr said. “You can’t take him out of school without--” But Hoagie was already out the door before she could say anything more. “Young Man!” she called after him. 

Tommy tagged behind Hoagie. He was beginning to get worried. “Why do I have to go to the Doctor’s? I already got my booster shot!” 

“You don’t, Tommy. I’m taking you home.” 

Tommy frowned. “How come?” 

They made it to main hall where the front door stood. At that moment, the PA system turned on. Hoagie stopped as he recognized Abby’s voice on the intercom. 

“Attention all Hendry middle school students. We are having a free ice cream social out in the front parking lot of the school,” she said, emulating a professional announcer. “But you better hurry, there is only a limited number of flavors. And don’t forget about our new special offer. Whoever can guess the flavor of the day, will receive twenty gallons of free ice cream.” 

“Free ice cream?!” Tommy gasped. 

Suddenly, Hoagie could feel the earth beneath him begin to tremble. “Come on.” He knelt down quickly, telling Tommy to climb onto his back. Tommy insisted that he wanted free ice cream also, but Hoagie was much more concerned with getting out than explaining that it was a scam. He ran up to the front door, not knowing that he had triggered the alarm system imbedded in the water fountains. Steel walls appeared around all the doors and windows, blocking the kids from escaping. Hoagie swallowed hard. Shit. Now what was he going to do?

“Hoagie?” Tommy quivered. “W-what’s happening?” 

Hoagie pulled out his phone. There was no message from Abby. He was about to press the call button to contact her when he heard the revving of an engine. 

“Let’s move!” he shouted, carrying his brother on his back through the crowd of rushing children. He heard them scream as they banged on the door, desperately crying for help. Thinking on his feet, Hoagie put two fingers in his mouth and whistled as loud as he could, signaling the rider. Sure enough, she came barreling down the railing of the stairs, making skid marks as she parked. 

“Whoa! Cool!” Tommy exclaimed. 

Hoagie banged on the window, waiting for Abby to let him in. He let Tommy get in first, then himself. He secured his brother on his lap, holding his waist tightly. Abby spun the bike around and rode the railing up to the top floor. 

“The doors and windows are blockaded downstairs,” Hoagie told her. 

Abby still had her cap flipped around, the brim covering her eyes. “I noticed.” 

“What do we do?” He looked around. There are no doors. 

“No doors, huh?” Abby grit her teeth, running her bike towards a nearby window. “Then we better make one.” 

Hoagie sighed. “Of course. Why would I possibly think you would have a sane answer?!” 

“Hang on!” She shouted as she pushed the bike to full throttle. Hoagie buried his head in his brother’s shoulder, who was too thrilled to realize that his life was in danger. 

Just as Abby said, they broke through the steel wall and the glass. It was like tearing through paper. Hoagie screamed in terror as they crashed into the ground with a loud thud. Tommy laughed, shouting “Yahoo!” As soon as they hit the pavement, Abby slowed the bike down, coming to a stop. 

“Everyone okay?” She asked, not a single ounce of panic in her voice. 

“Again!” Tommy shouted. 

“No!” Hoagie interjected. “Not again!” He sighed, catching his breath. “Are you nuts?! He doesn’t even have a seatbelt!” 

Abby leaned back in her seat, her hat over her eyes. “You worry too much. He’s fine. Look at him. He’s havin’ a blast.” 

Hoagie groaned. “I guess I should explain. Tommy, this is-” 

Tommy lifted his arms out toward the girl with anticipation. “Abby!” he cried. “I missed you so much!” She took him off of Hoagie’s lap and sat her on her own, her face glowing with pride. 

Hoagie watched the unexpected scene, puzzled. “Y-you two know each other?” His confusion soon turned to frustration. “Like actually know each other. How do you know each other?!” 

“It’s a long story,” she said. Her eyes lit up. “Well, now. Look at you.” She smiled, getting a good look at him. Her hand caressed the old worn aviator cap on his head, with the number 2 still visible. “You look just like your big brother.” She tickled his belly. “Little less plump.”

Hoagie glowered. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

But Abby chuckled. “Ah, sweeten up, Sour Ball,” she teased. 

“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “Sweeten up, Sour Ball!” 

Hoagie’s brows flattened. “Don’t.” 

“Relax, Baby,” she said. “Abby didn’t mean nothin’ by it.” 

“Yeah,” Hoagie mumbled sarcastically. “I’m sure she didn’t.” Just then, the ground began to shake. Hoagie stiffened as he looked around, his voice raising to a higher pitch. “D-did you feel that?” 

Tommy peered behind Abby, looking in the back window. His face fell. “Um...guys?” he said, a shaky hand pointing behind them. Hoagie and Abby looked back. The ground shook again. 

“Drive,” Hoagie said quietly. Tommy climbed back onto his lap as Abby started up the bike. The entire bike was now moving with the ground, as though trembling with fear. “Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive!” 

Behind them, Hendry Middle School no longer stood rooted in the concrete. It lifted into the air, metal legs springing from its base like tentacles. Giant tubes appeared out of the windows. Abby sped away, the machine too slow to catch up. Hoagie watched as they pulled further and further away, the school sucking up straggling children that tried to escape on their bikes. A group of kids stood in a mass, out of the way of the wreckage. 

“What the fuck is that?” Hoagie exclaimed, too stunned to remember to check his language. 

“It’s a robot, Dumbass!” Abby spat back. “Damn Adults really think of everything.” 

“Hey!” Tommy whined. “Why isn’t the school attacking those kids?!” 

“Cause they’re already thirteen,” Abby explained. “They’re only takin’ kids, not teens.” 

“Don’t worry.” Hoagie’s voice was soft in his brother’s ear. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.” 

Abby pulled up in front of the Gilligan’s house, opening the door to let them out. “Okay. Pack as much as you can and meet me in five minutes. The TND Base isn’t far from here. You’ll be safe there.” 

“The TND?” Tommy’s heart filled with excitement. Abby looked at him and winked. “Aye-aye, Sir!” Tommy sang. The boy climbed out of the bike, gripping to his brother’s leg. 

Hoagie looked at Abby, a surge of guilt rushing through his veins. “Abigail, I-” 

“No need to thank me, Baby,” she told him, flipping her cap around backwards. “Savin’ kids is my job.” 

Hoagie smiled, probably the first sincere smile in her direction since she left the KND. A dark shadow loomed over the bike. Hoagie looked up, shaking in his tennis shoes. “Abigail!” He shouted, moving away from his brother back into the bike. He pulled her out into the street just before a metal foot came and crushed the bike to pieces. The teens dove for cover, Tommy already screaming and running into the house. 

Abby picked herself off the ground. “Thanks,” she said. 

“Don’t mention it,” Hoagie replied, still out of breath. 

They looked up, staring at what looked to be another robot. Abby gripped Hoagie’s arm and yanked him to his feet, the two running towards the door. 

A muffled voice came out of the metal contraption, cold and methodical. “Sensors detect CHILD in your area. Please hand over the child.” 

“In your dreams!” Hoagie spat back at it, only to have it stomp closer to his house. He screamed as Abby pulled him into the house, shutting the door behind them. 

“They’re all over. We’ve gotta move,” she said. “Where’s your brother?” 

“Tommy!” Hoagie shouted. “Hurry up!” 

He heard a faint voice from upstairs. “I’m almost ready!” There was a pause before, “Should I bring my superman toothbrush or my batman toothbrush? Superman is sooper powerful, but batman is way cooler--” 

Hoagie grit his teeth. “Seriously? We do not have time for this right now!” 

Tommy finally came down the stairs, deciding to bring both as he could not choose between them. Bang! Bang! They heard a knock on the front door. 

“Sensors detect CHILD in your area--” 

Hoagie grabbed the keys to his mom’s car and walked briskly toward the garage. “I’ll drive,” he said, grateful she out of town that week on business. 

The garage door opened, revealing the giant robot standing right in front of the house. Hoagie gripped the clutch and put the car in drive. Slamming his foot on the gas, he zipped past the robot between its two metal legs. Tommy cried out in exhilaration. Hoagie turned onto the street. 

“Okay,” he finally said once they were on the way. “Where is this base?” 

“It’s underneath the PuzzleTown coffee,” Abby said. 

“HipsterTown?” 

“That’s the one.” 

He shook his head. “I don’t even want to imagine what you would be like on caffeine.” Abby frowned. She took off her cap, slapping him with it in the back of his head. “Ow!” He complained. “What was that for?” 

She slipped the hat back on, starting to grin. “Nostalgia.” 

“What?” Just then, two more robots appeared in their way. Between them and the screaming children all about the streets, it was difficult to stay in one lane. “Well,” Hoagie said, grabbing the clutch again. “Looks like we’re taking a detour.” He spun the car around 180 degrees and drove the opposite direction, narrowly avoiding being crushed to death. He exhaled deeply, not realizing that he was going off the main road. 

“That was so awesome!” Tommy shouted. “You were like...” He commenced to act out the motion of the car and the robots, including sound effects and commentary. “You really are the coolest big brother e--” 

“Breaks!” Abby screamed as Hoagie slammed on the breaks. He managed to stop the car before going over the edge of what used to be an overpass. Beneath the overpass, were three more robots. 

Hoagie tried to move the car around again, but the wheel was caught on the drop off. “Everybody out!” He yelled. But before they could move, a large metal hand grasped the roof of the car, ripping it off like a plastic bag. Hoagie kept his foot on the gas, that being the only thing that kept them from going over the edge. “Hey! This is my mom’s car, Asshole!” He looked at Abby. “Abigail! Take Tommy and go!” he called. “This thing isn’t going to hold out for much longer.” 

Abby climbed out of the car, holding out her hand for Tommy. Out of nowhere, a metal arm swung and knocked her off of the car. She tumbled to the ground, the pain from the impact preventing her from moving. 

“Abigail!” 

He watched as a large tube, appeared over their heads, sucking up everything in its wake. Suddenly, his mind was cracked by a blood-curdling scream. 

“Hoagie!!” 

Hoagie jumped out of the car, crawling over the hood. He could see the silhouette of his little brother, being sucked up into the tube. Abby was completely unconscious. He only had one chance. He jumped straight into the monster’s grip, catching hold of Tommy’s leg before he was sucked in. Hoagie’s shoulders fit through the tube, but the rest of his body didn’t. He wondered if he would get stuck there. The car crashed to the ground, the rest of the glass shattering. 

“Don’t worry, Tommy...” He said as he held on for dear life. “I-I gotcha.” His legs swung in the empty air, trying desperately to find ground. 

“Hoagie!” Tommy screamed in terror. 

“It’s okay,” he said, his glasses starting to fall off his face. “We’re okay. It’s just some altitude,” he joked, laughing awkwardly. “No big deal.” 

The pressure began to build. “Ahhh!” Tommy yelled. “Hoagieeee!” 

“Hold on!” Hoagie shouted back. “Whatever happens, I won’t let go!” 

“Hoagie?” His brother’s tone had changed. “I’m sorry I stole the candy from your room this morning.” he said. “And I’m sorry it’s my fault you don’t have any friends.” 

Hoagie felt tears beginning to sting his eyes. Why? They hadn’t lost yet. Had he really given up so easily? “Sh-shut up, Tommy!” he scolded. “You can apologize for that stuff later!” 

“I just wanna be brave. To be a hero, like my big brother,” Tommy said, tears falling down his cheeks. “But I’m not.” He lifted his hands over his head, taking off the aviator cap and goggles. “I don’t deserve these.” 

Hoagie bit his lip. No. He wasn’t going to accept this. Not after everything he had been through. He was now over the ground. If he could just pull a little harder... 

“What are you talking about? Just hold on! I’m gonna find us a way out of this!” 

“No, Hoagie! There’s no time!” Tommy shouted. “You have to let go!” 

“What? No way!” Hoagie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

But Tommy shook his head. “You have to! If you don’t, you’ll fall!” 

Hoagie stopped, his salty tears now flowing like a fountain. “N-no. No! I promised Mom I would protect you!” he sniffled. “I promised Dad...” 

“Hey,” Tommy said, ironically trying to cheer up his brother. “I got to see my big brother in the field again,” he spoke in a hushed tone, not caring at this point what he revealed. “Fighting for justice, just like the old days. That was the one thing I wanted for my birthday.” 

Hoagie started to feel his hand slip, not listening to his brother’s words. “Tommy, no! Don’t!” He bit his lip. 

“And my big brother,” he said again. “Is gonna save the world.” 

Tommy’s leg slipped through Hoagie’s fingers, sucking him up through the tube and out of Hoagie’s sight. The teen fell to the ground with a thud, landing on his back a few feet away from Abby. He watched as an old aviator hat and goggles floated down from the sky, landing on his lap. The robots disappeared, having collected their final bounty. Hoagie picked up the hat and goggles, his tears staining his cheeks. He cupped the items over his face, padding down his hot skin. 

He had failed. 

Abby awoke after a few minutes, her body still aching from the attack. She sat up, scanning the area. It appeared that the robots were walking away, but there was no sign of Hoagie or Tommy. “Hoagie!” she shouted. 

“They took him,” she heard a melancholy voice behind her. She turned around to see Hoagie, his back turned away from her. He was looking down at something. “I couldn’t do anything.” 

Abby swallowed. “I’m so sorry.” 

“This...Kids Next Door...” he finally said. “Will they really be able to help save them?” 

Abby didn’t know what to say. Truth be told, she wasn’t sure what the TND was up to besides their escape to Mars. However, she couldn’t lose faith just yet. “Absolutely,” she said. 

Hoagie stood to his feet. As he turned to face her, she could see tears still in his eyes. 

“Then I’m in.”

TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED...


	3. S.E.C.T.O.R.V. (PART TWO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby, now aided by a skeptical Hoagie, continues to search for Wally and Kuki as Father's plan begins to unfold. Meanwhile, Wally is determined to fight the TEENZ when his friends mysteriously vanish.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: S.E.C.T.O.R.-V. (PART TWO)

Secret  
Evacuation  
Certifies  
Team’s  
Old  
Recruits  
Voluntarily

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by Cartoon Network and  
Tom Warburton 

RESUMING TRANSMISSION...

Episode 3

March 31st, 2015. 

Kuki was late for school, which was never a good sign. Wally lit his lighter, Midnight Oil blasting from his headphones which sat around his neck. Everyone around him had their headphones in, so they didn’t mind. He knew she had it rough with her parents. He hoped nothing bad had happened. Wally decided, trying to be the best boyfriend that he could possibly be, to wait until she got to school before going to class. He had called her many times with no response. Worry began to settle into his stomach. He turned off the music, allowing his mind to roam freely without distraction. 

He inhaled, letting the smoke fall out of his mouth like hot steam from an engine. Kuki would be much more relaxed if she would just smoke a bowl every once in a while. He knew that wasn’t going to happen, though. His girl was clean, and if he was honest with himself, he preferred her that way. She provided the kind of joy and optimism that he could get behind. She often took pride in her positivity, trying to hide her own insecurities, even from him. Part of him wished she would just accept herself for who she was, even when her parents clearly didn’t. Part of him also understood that her maturity would come with age. She was much smarter than he was, so he was confident that she could do it. 

Wally went to inhale again when he heard someone shout his name. 

“Wally!” A girl ran up to him, tall with dark skin and the thickest black hair he had ever seen. Her red hat made her stick out like a sore thumb in the sea of black and denim. She slowed down as she stood in front of him, a desperate look on her face. “Wally...” 

Wally was stunned. He squinted his eyes, trying desperately to remember where he had seen this girl before. He had to have seen her, or else she wouldn’t remember his name, right? “Do I know you?” He asked, pointedly. Politeness was never his strong suit. 

The girl looked at him as though she had been smacked in the face. Finally, she stood, taking on a completely different demeanor. “Wallabee Beetles?” She spoke as though she were a police officer. 

“Yeah?” 

She offered her hand to him, firmly. “Abigail Lincoln.” 

Oh. Lincoln. He had thought he saw her before. She was always winning academic awards, making speeches and whatnot to the rest of the student body. Why someone like her would associate with someone like him, though, was anyone’s guess. 

“Listen,” she said in a hushed tone. “I need to talk to ya.” 

“Get lost!” 

Wally slammed the door shut behind him, his entire body covered in sweat. He made a face in the window and sprinted away from the door as fast as he could. He knew you had to be crazy in order to be a straight-A student, but he had no idea how insane it would make some people. He wasn’t sure if Abigail Lincoln was a psychopath or just a paranoid freak, but he wasn’t going to stick around and find out. He skidded down the hallway, nearly running into a boy carrying wire cables on his way to class. 

He managed to slip past the Hall Monitors with ease. They had doubled up since he had last skipped class (the previous day). He dialed Kuki’s number once again. This time it went straight to voicemail. Annoyed, he put his phone back in his pocket, Abigail Lincoln’s warning still circling around in his head. Not safe? Sure, school was a place that sucked out individuality, but if anything that made it “safer” than the outside world, didn’t it? He stuffed his hands in his pockets. This whole thing was a load of bullshit. Kuki probably left her phone at home by accident. Nothing exciting ever happened at school. 

Wally, late as usual, arrived at his classroom. He pulled on the handle, realizing with dismay that it was locked. He groaned, leaning his head on the tiny window. Slamming his hand on the wooden door, he peered into the room. Come on...he thought. Open up. He pounded on the door again.

But nothing happened. 

“Hello?” he whined. No one looked up. “Hey! Are you gonna let me in or what?” Not a single student had moved out of their seat. Normally, there was at least one snide look, one hand raised, some kind of indication that he was there. But here, there was nothing. Wally got an uneasy feeling as Abigail’s warning came barreling back. 

He shook his head, putting his hands back in his pockets. Whatever it was, he was done with it. As he turned, he found himself face to face with a Hall Monitor, who had been watching his every move. 

Fuck. 

“You there,” he said with a low voice. He was a tall, lanky fellow with dark brown hair and one crooked tooth which stuck out against the others. His nose scrunched up as though it were being attacked by a foul stench. He had the physical appearance of a senior, but the demeanor of a freshman. The boy crossed his arms and puffed up his chest. “Class has begun. Where is your hall pass?” 

Wally beamed at him. “I got your hall pass right here, Mate.” Wally turned around, smacking his butt with a cheeky grin. He proceeded to walk away from the Hall Monitor, who sped after him. 

“Uh...Buddy!” He wouldn’t relent. “I’m gonna need to see your hall pass or else--” Wally walked faster. “You’re going to have to come with me--” 

Wally stopped walking. “Look, Buddy. I dunno if you’re new around here or what, but let’s get one thing straight. These are the halls of the people. You’n your corrupt politics and your filthy badges, you make me sick!” The boy wilted, unsure of what to say. “So you can take your hall pass and you can shove it up your bloody ass!” He turned to walk away again. 

The trembling boy continued his pursuit. “But!” Wally didn’t stop. “Wait! If you don’t come you could get expelled!” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “Couldn’t give a shit,” he called back. A Hall Monitor who wanted the best for him? Now he had seen everything. Still, he felt bad for the kid. He genuinely thought joining the force was going to make a difference in the world. It was cute, if not a little naive. Wally felt someone grab him by the arm. “Hey!” 

“I’m sorry! But if you won’t come then I’m going to have to bring you myself.” Genuine guilt was in his voice. 

“You freak!” Wally screamed. “Lemmie go!” 

Suddenly, the boy’s communicator started to buzz, forcing him to take the call. Wally used the opportunity to stomp on the boy’s foot and make a run for it while the Hall Monitor was listening to the message. He managed to hear what was being said on the other line: 

“Attention all units. Report to the Office immediately for a special mission briefing. That is all.” 

Wally busted out the door, grateful for the lucky timing. He walked down the concrete steps. Annoyed, he pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. Where had that Lincoln chick run off to anyway? He was glad to be rid of her in any case. As he stepped into his usual hangout spot, a sickening feeling washed over him. The noise from the area had silenced. He stood immobile at the threshold. The cigarettes crashed to the floor. What was once an area buzzing with life only ten minutes prior was now completely barren. The concrete walls had been scrubbed clean of all cigarette buds and soda bottles, sharp glass and dirty jackets. No voices, no bodies, nothing but the lingering smell of a newly smoked joint. Wally felt his knees buckle. This didn’t feel like a typical suspension or hall cleanout. His friends had completely vanished. And somehow, he knew they weren’t coming back. 

“Looks like we missed one,” a voice said behind him. He turned around to see a TEEN in black gear approaching, speaking into a communication device. “Yeah, he looks strong enough. Kind of short, though.” 

“What...what the hell is goin’ on?” Wally backed away from the TEEN. “Where did you take my friends!” 

The figure answered him by pulling out a giant gun of sorts. Wally grit his teeth. He knew he had to get out of there, to find Kuki and make sure she was safe. But he couldn’t leave his friends behind either. Was this what Abigail Lincoln was talking about? Something bad was going to happen? “Bloody Hell,” was all he could think to say before a small dart whizzed by his face, barely missing his temple. “Holy f--!” He shouted as he sprinted away from the scene. The TEEN shot again, but his aim wasn’t very good. Wally screamed out profanities as he escaped, bounding as fast as he could to his motorcycle. More shots were fired, this time by all of the armored devils. Wally danced around them, rearing onto his toes as he ran. Finally, he made it to his motorcycle, turning on the engine and whisking away at turbo fast speed.

When he could no longer see the shooter, he relaxed his hand from the gas. He started to head the direction of his neighborhood. It would be best to go home and grab a few things before venturing off again, he thought, especially if he was going to have to beat up a few punks to get to Kuki...wherever she was. As he pulled up into the street, the lights were on at his house. That was normal. What wasn’t normal was the car that was sitting in the driveway. His dad’s car. His dad who was normally at work at this time. His dad who never, ever, missed work. 

Wally walked in the door with cautiousness. He knew he would most likely get in trouble if his parents saw him out of class, but he figured it was better to take the risk. There was an old baseball umpire’s uniform that his dad had laying around from his old days on the field. Left over baseball bats and helmets would also be in the garage. Wally knew that if he was going back out there, he would need all of the supplies that he could find. He gathered the items, running down the stairs at lightning speed when- 

“Wally!” A little voice called to him. 

“Joey!” he exclaimed, nearly falling over and dropping everything. “You little...don’t do that!” 

But Joey didn’t understand. He simply jumped up and down, the same stupid grin on his face. “Wally’s home! Wally’s home!” he sang. “Daddy and Mommy and Wally!” 

“Okay! Okay!” Wally pleaded with his little brother. “Shh. It’s a secret. I’m not supposed to be-” 

“Well! Hey there, Sport!” Sid’s voice sang from the living room. “You nuggets home for the Holiday, too?” 

Wally tilted his head, completely confused. “Holiday?” 

“Well, sure!” He grinned. Sid walked over and picked up little Joey, who hugged him tightly. “It’s all ovah the news! They’re makin’ today some big Holiday! Your old man got to miss work, and your Mum’s makin’ a big ol’ feast to celebrate!” 

“Celebrate? Celebrate what?” Wally still didn’t understand what was going on. 

His dad shrugged. “I Dunno! But it’s gotta be somethin’ pretty important. The whole world’s takin’ it off!” 

“There’s gonna be a party!” Joey exclaimed. 

Despite the wide smile on his father’s face, something didn’t seem right about this whole thing. First, he couldn’t get into his classroom, then the mysterious figures started cleaning out the Underbelly, and now it’d been declared some sort of world-wide holiday? The pieces weren’t adding up. He needed answers. He frowned. 

He needed to find Kuki. 

“I’m gonna step out for a bit,” Wally told his Dad, who was stupidly making goo-goo faces at his now six-year-old son. 

“Your Mum’s in the kitchen. Say hi before you go.” 

Wally ignored him and went back outside. He scratched the back of his neck. At least his parents were okay. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew that his dad wasn’t the sharpest. If something happened, he wouldn’t be able to defend Joey or his mother. Not even if their lives were in danger. 

Suddenly, a black bike whooshed past his house, fully armored. It was a TEENZ bike. He grimaced. He flipped open his phone, calling Kuki one last time. Again, she didn’t answer. He hung up the phone in dismay, pressing it to his forehead. Storming back into his house, he slammed the door behind him. There was one more thing he needed to take with him: an old 1996 BB gun his father bad bought him from the pawn shop for his fourteenth birthday. The TEENZ were psychotic. Who knew what kind of scheme they had cooked up in their heads?

“Hiya, Son!” Wally heard Sid call out to him. “Back so soon?” 

Wally groaned. “Dad, not now.” 

But as he pushed through the front hallway, there was a strong knocking at the door. His body grew tense. Sid made a comment about how they never got visitors during the day, his naive grin still slapped onto his face. When he opened it, Wally’s body was suddenly cast in shadow. He looked up to see a giant metal robot staring him down. The items in his hand crashed to the floor. It was like something out of a science fiction story. Its legs were long, like solid tubes of metal, its hands giant steel claws. Wally screamed, slamming the door shut. His body pressed against the side, as though it would prevent the thing from entering the house. 

“Wallabee!” His father sauntered over. “Don’t be rude to our guests.” 

“B-but Dad!” he complained. “I-It’s...It’s a-” 

Sid re-opened the door, giving the machine a bright, cheery greeting. “What can I do for ya?” His grin grew wider, lifting Joey up to see. “Hey, look, Son! It’s a Robot! Isn’t that somethin’?” 

But Wally was too stunned to do anything. He backed away from the scene, hugging himself. “D-Dad...G-get away from that thing!” 

“Oh, come on now, Wallabee,” his dad assured him. “It’s just a Robot. It’s not gonna harm ya.” 

The robot narrowed its large red eyes on Joey, who was kicking in Sid’s arms. Its voice was pre-recorded but turned up to a high volume. “Sensors detect CHILD in your area. Child is under thirteen. Please hand over the child.” 

Sid stared at the robot, dumbfounded. “What?” He lifted his son up. “You mean little Joey? Well, Jeez, Mr. Robot. I can’t just give you my son. How’s about you come in for a nice cuppa tea instead.” 

But the Robot was persistent. “Please hand over the child,” it said as it scanned Sid’s face. “Mr. Beatles.” 

A metal claw reached towards them. Joey trembled. “Daddy...I’m scared...” 

“Now, you listen here,” Sid’s voice was beginning to grow stern. “I already told ya once. I’m not gonna hand a strange robot my son. I’m sorry. If you really want one, go to an adoption agency! They’ll set ya up right!” 

The Robot didn’t react. It repeated its phrase for a third time. “Sensors detect CHILD in area. Please hand over the child.” 

Now Sid was getting angry. Wally couldn’t remember a time when he had seen his father angry. Typically, his mother was the one who did the disciplining in the household. “Now, I’ve tried to be civil!” Sid remarked, pointing a free finger at the Robot. “But I keep tellin’ ya I just can’t-” Suddenly, the Robots eyes began to glow a bright red. Sid’s eyes were caught in the hypnotic beam. As though in a trance, he lifted Joey up to the Robot. “Here you go.” 

Joey let out an ear-piercing scream as Wally jumped in and snatched him out of his father’s arms. “Dad! What the hell is wrong with you?” he gasped. “You’re just gonna let this freaking Robot take Joey?” 

But Sid just stared into space, his eyes dull, his body unresponsive. “Father has given an order. We must obey.” 

Wally scrunched his nose. “Father? You’re the Father!” But Sid said nothing. He did nothing. He simply reached his hands out for the thing to take Joey out of his possession. Wally held his brother close to his chest, the boy’s arms wrapped tightly around him. 

“Wally...” Joey asked as his brother started to head toward the back door. “What’s happening?” 

The ground started to shake, flakes of wood floated down as the Beatles’ roof was lifted high into the air. Scraps of debris crashed down into the hallway. “We’re gettin’ outta here,” Wally told Joey, but the debris made a barrier between him and the back door, preventing his escape. He closed his eyes, covering Joey with his entire body. He felt a pair of soft hands reach under him, picking up the child. He looked up to see his Mum standing there. Joey hugged her tightly, relieved to be back in his mother’s arms. 

“Thank God...” Wally heaved. “Mum! Somethin’s wrong with Dad! He tried to-” But the woman didn’t look down at him. She walked past him without a word. “Mum?” 

She lifted Joey up into the air. “We must obey Father, Wallabee.” 

No. Not her too. Wally could feel his blood begin to boil. He ran to get Joey, who was screaming the entire time. However, his attempts were met with failure. The robot snatched the child up in his claws, sucking him up through his tube-like arms and into his stomach. 

“Joey!” he called, but the Robot knocked him back with the vibrations of his steps. When the robot was out of sight, his mother collapsed in the middle of the room. His father held his head in agony. 

“Whoa...” Sid groaned. “I feel dizzier than a wombat on roller skates.” 

“My house!” His mother cried. “Wallabee...what happened to the house?!” 

Wally was quiet. He didn’t know what to say. Deep down, he knew that it wasn’t their fault. That they were forced to do it. That didn’t stop his rage from building. 

“You...” Wally finally found his voice. “Gave him away.” He could feel his stomach twisting, his heart beating faster and faster. “You gave him away to that thing out there. You didn’t even fight. You just let them take him. Like it was nothin’.” 

Sid crossed his arms. “Now, Wallabee. Don’t talk that way to your Mum.” 

“Who are you talkin’ about?” 

Wally’s heart sank. “You’re spineless. Both of you,” he hissed. “Where’s your sense of fuckin’ courage? That Robot took over your mind like it was nothin’! Joey was cryin’ and you just gave him away without a second thought!” 

His mother stared at him blankly for a moment before putting the pieces together. “Joey? You mean your little brothah?” 

“Yes! That’s exactly who I mean!” 

Sid laughed. “Oh, Son. You know he won’t be ready for years yet.” 

“R-ready?” Wally coughed. He didn’t feel well. Had he entered the twilight zone? What the hell was going on? “Ready for what?” 

“To be born again,” His Mum said. “Son, are ya feelin’ alright? You know children aren’t allowed out of the incubator until they’re thirteen. Then you can see your brothah. I promise.” Wally’s jaw dropped to the floor as his mother looked at him with concerned eyes. “Wallabee...?” 

“I...uh...” Wally stumbled backwards. This was too much. He had no idea what was going on or where those freaks had taken his brother. Suddenly, his mind latched onto something. There was one person who knew what was happening, who knew what was going to happen before it even started. She would know where to find Joey and who this Father person was. “I gotta go.” 

He left the house, going into the garage and grabbing the BB gun, which thankfully was still exactly where he left it from the last time. He stuffed in a backpack and went out the front door, giant robots still grabbing children out of their houses. Wally didn’t have time for them right now. His parents were useless, bumbling buffoons who could only do what they were told. But not Wally. He would find this girl, this Abigail Lincoln. He would make her talk. He loaded the BB gun one pellet at a time. 

He would make her squawk like a canary.

On his motorcycle, Wally didn’t have any trouble with the robots. They wouldn’t attack him, even if he attacked them first. Why? He didn’t have time to debate it. He was on his way back to school, to try and find Lincoln and fix this mess. Once he found her, she would have to help him save Kuki, wherever she was. 

He stopped. What was he doing? If Abigail was smart, she wouldn’t go back to school, would she? And if she was with the TEENZ, she wouldn’t have warned him about the whole thing to begin with. Wally winced. He was never a good problem solver. Logic wasn’t his strong suit. He wished he could be that person who could deduce and speculate and use big words like deduce and speculate properly. Instead, he would drive around aimlessly until he found something that might give him a hint or clue what to do next. 

Today, however, luck was on his side. He spun the bike around, heading for the interstate. Normally, he wasn’t allowed to drive his motorcycle on the highway, let alone a main highway, for fear that his mother might have a heart attack if she found out. This time was an emergency, though. The asphalt was damaged beyond repair, the impact from the robots too much for the poor street to take. He stopped under the first overpass, which was crushed by the metal contraptions. He rode past a red car, whose top had been completely torn off. The thing was smashed to pieces, having taken a nose dive into the street from the overpass that hung above him. 

Wally could see himself through the cracked windshield, his black jacket frayed, his hair sticking up by static. The robots had about cleared this area, he realized. He looked into the car, thankfully noticing that no one was in there. He rode his bike around the freeway and up the exit, jumping over the debris and cracked asphalt to get over the pass. When he arrived, he noticed a small speck of red in the distance. He recognized it instantly. 

“Hey!” he called, but no one could hear him. He rode closer, panting as he did. Sure enough, he was right. He slammed on the break, hammering his foot down onto the ground. For the first time today, something was finally going right. “You.” 

The girl turned around, shocked. She stood next to another boy. He was the exact opposite of her-- large and pink, with a nervous disposition, his glasses sitting crooked on his nose. 

Wally hopped off the bike. “You an’ Me got some stuff to talk about.”

Abby didn’t know what to say. It was a miracle. Wally had found her again with no tracking system or knowledge of her existence. Hoagie folded his hands together awkwardly, letting her through. 

“Wally...” she tilted her head. “What happened to you? Wh-what are you doin’ all the way out here?”

“Shut up!” he snapped. “Tell me what’s goin’ on, now!” 

Hoagie’s brows flattened. “You just told her to shut up-” 

“You knew...” he staggered over towards them. “You knew this was gonna happen.”

“I tried to warn you,” she said bluntly. 

“What is this? You bettah start talkin’, Lady!” He reached into his backpack and grabbed the BB gun. Abby didn’t seem to be affected by the gun aimed her way. 

“Whoa!” Hoagie gasped, his own anxiety taking over. “D-dude...calm down.” 

Wally pointed his gun at Hoagie. “Who are you? Her accomplice?” 

Hoagie wasn’t amused by that statement. He suddenly became relaxed, staring into the barrel. “Is that a BB gun?” 

“That’s right!” Wally said, hysterically. “And I’ll shoot your eye out if you don’t tell me everything you know!” 

“Alright!” Abby got in between the two. “That’s enough. Put the toy down, Wally.” 

“No way!” He moved his target over to Abby. “Not until you talk!” It took him a while to understand what she said. “This ain’t a toy! I killed a crow with this thing once!”

“Right.” Abby rolled her eyes. “Abby’ll do all the talkin’ you want. You don’t have to wave that thing around.” 

Wally narrowed his eyes, looking back at Hoagie. “What about him?” 

“What about him?” 

Wally pursed his lips, moving the barrel of the gun to Hoagie’s face. “Who is he?” 

Abby folded her arms across her chest. “Same as you.” 

He snarled. “What does that mean?” 

“It means we’re all just tryin’ to get out of this in one piece. Now you’re either gonna shoot that thing like a maniac or shut up and listen to what I have to say.” Abby’s calm in the situation was impressive. Hoagie shot her a look of gratitude. 

Wally lowered the gun, his anger and frustration cooling. “I wanna know what’s goin’ on. Where are my friends? Where did that thing take my baby brother? Why’d you come after me this morning?” 

Hoagie’s eyebrows lifted as he pointed his thumb toward Wally. “Wait. You approached him? This guy is part of your plan? Seriously?” 

Wally grimaced. “That so hard to believe, Pork Chop?” 

“Alright! That’s enough!” Abby snapped, standing between the two boys. “Now, I approached both of you cause I need both of you. That’s all.” 

Wally tilted his head. “Why?” 

Abby didn’t hesitate. “I just do.” With that, she started to walk off. “C’mon. If you’re comin’ we gotta move quick.” 

“Hey! Wait! I have to get my-” Wally shouted after her. WHAM! A robotic foot came down on his bike, crushing it into tiny pieces. “N-nevah mind.” It looked like they would have to find another mode of transportation. Wally slouched, his eyes downcast. He was wasting time. “Jeez. What a bitch.” 

Hoagie sighed. “Don’t take it personally,” he assured Wally. “She’s been strangely cryptic since this whole thing began.” 

Wally didn’t know what cryptic meant, but nodded anyway. “She tell you anything?” 

Hoagie shrugged. “I know enough. Basically, this guy Father is taking kids and performing some kind of menticide. Then when they’re thirteen, they’ll be released into the work force. It’s probably some radical economic reform.” 

A hand went up to Wally’s head. “I...huh? Menti...what?” 

“They’re brainwashing children.” 

“Oh.” 

“Abigail says she’s part of this...Kid’s Next Door...which is like a union for kids. I think. Although, she absolutely refuses to explain anything beyond that.” 

“I told ya,” She called back. “Abby’ll explain later. When we don’t have a million people after us.” 

Wally gasped. “What?!!” 

“She’s being hyperbolic,” Hoagie explained.

“Then tell her to calm the fuck down!” Wally insisted. 

Hoagie blinked, confused. “N-no. I mean she’s just saying that because...” If he was honest, he didn’t know what the TEENZ were after, but he knew that the reason they couldn’t just freely go wherever they wanted was because of him. “We are in a bit of trouble.” 

“...Kids gettin’ kidnapped, my friends gettin’ kidnapped. Now you’re in trouble! Why the hell is everyone in trouble?!” 

Hoagie turned to face him, surprised. “Your friends?” 

“Yeah,” Wally pouted. “It was those rat bastard TEENZ. Cleaned out the Underbelly like it was nothin’. I barely made it outta there.” 

“Abigail, did you hear that?” Hoagie called to Abby, who was a good five feet ahead. 

Abby didn’t look back. “Yep.” 

“Do you think it has something to do with--” 

“Nope.” Was her immediate response. “Stop thinkin’ about it.” 

Hoagie shrunk. “But...don’t you think considering the circumstances--?” 

Abby stopped, her eyes darting directly into his. “I said drop it.” She hissed before turning around and picking up the pace. Hoagie shivered as Wally grit his teeth. 

“Man,” he whispered leaning in towards Hoagie. “She is terrifying.” 

Hoagie nodded in agreement. 

After fifteen minutes of walking, Hoagie finally found a usable car. The keys were in the ignition, so he didn’t have to jump start it. They all piled in, Hoagie taking the driver’s seat as he insisted he was much more comfortable doing that than riding passenger. Wally was thrilled. He had always wanted to steal a car, but his moral center had prevented him from doing so. That and Kuki would have some choice words to say about it. Suddenly, his eyes popped open. 

“Wait! We gotta go back!” He shouted, just as Hoagie was about to turn the key. He jumped up, nearly having a heart attack. 

“Why?” Abby turned to him. “What’s the matter?” 

“My girlfriend! I’ve been tryin’ to get ahold’a her all day! She could be in trouble!” 

Hoagie pressed his palm to his forehead. “Are you kidding me?” 

“Please!” he begged. “Those freaks might be after her too! I’ll never ask for another thing ever in my life! I swear! We just gotta save her! That’s the whole reason I came out here!” Wally’s chest moved up and down, the wind scraping against his throat as he hyperventilated. 

“Alright! Alright! Calm down...” Abby nodded. “We’re gonna save your girlfriend. Just chill.” 

Hoagie turned to look at Abby, who was in the passenger seat. “We are?” 

“Of course,” Abby said. “It just so happens, she’s our last pickup.” 

His eyebrow lifted. “Don’t tell me...” 

Abby propped her feet up onto the dashboard. “Just shut up’n drive.” 

A smirk appeared on her face as Hoagie reached for the clutch. He put the car into drive, stepping on the break. His face soured as he reached his hand over, pushing Abby’s legs off the dash board. She glared at him for a moment before acquiescing to his request. He made sure everyone’s seat belts were fastened before speeding off back towards town. 

“So,” He started. “Where do we find this girl? Should we check back at school?” Wally was staring out the window at the destruction. “Hey.” 

“He’s talkin’ to you, Bozo Brain,” Abby chimed in. 

“I know!” Wally said, his face reddening with frustration. “I was thinking!” 

Hoagie sighed. Clearly this boy was going to be no help at all. “You haven’t heard from her all day. She might just be at her house.” 

Abby shrugged. “Only one way to know fo’ sure,” she said, holding her hand out to Wally. “Lemmie see yo’ phone.” Wally grumbled, but handed her his iPhone. “If you got a phone number, we can track the general location of her cell phone.” 

Hoagie mentally slapped himself. “Duh,” he muttered under his breath, embarrassed. 

Abby grinned, satisfied with her deduction. She went to his contacts and copied the number. “We find the phone,” she announced confidently. “We find Kuki.” 

“Yeah!” Wally exclaimed. Suddenly, his face fell. “Hey. How’d you know my girlfriend’s name?” 

“It’s best not to ask questions,” Hoagie said, a small smile on his lips. “Just assume Abigail knows everyone and everything and will never tell you how or why. That’s just the way life is going to be from now on.” 

Abby smirked back at him. “Boy, you cannot stand not knowin’ every little thing, can you?” 

Hoagie laughed. “If it involves you, I don’t want to know. It actually horrifies me that I might find out one day.” 

Abby leaned back, staring at the loading screen. “I guess some things never change...” He didn’t have time to respond before Abby shot up again. “Got it!” Her hand shot right in front of Hoagie’s face. “Turn here!” 

Hoagie pulled the car into the driveway, his eyes scanning the house. It was the largest, nicest house on the block, to be sure. Brown and modern, with a perfectly manicured yard with green grass sparkling in the sunlight. He tilted his head. There was something familiar about it that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

Wally jumped out of the car, running to the front door. His fist pounded on the wood until his knuckles were sore. Abby and Hoagie followed behind. Finally, the lock un-latched and the door crept open, revealing a short disheveled Japanese girl dressed in a long pink bathrobe. Her black hair was knotted, sticking up as though by static electricity. She rubbed her eyes, which were blood-shot red, the same color as her dripping nose. 

“Wally?” She snorted up the rest of the mucus. “What are you doing here?” 

Wally, overjoyed with tears in his eyes, fell into his girlfriend’s arms, telling her how sorry he was for not coming sooner. Kuki, of course, did not know how to respond to this. “Kuki! Where have you been? Why haven’t you answered my calls? I was so worried when you didn’t come to school!” 

“I’m sick,” she said simply. “I texted you.” 

Wally flattened his face, pulling out his phone, which he had gotten back from Abby. He scrolled down. “I never got a text...” 

Kuki leaned over. “There,” she said. “It was on my mom’s phone.” 

Abby and Hoagie gave him an angry stare. Kuki caught a glimpse of Abby, her cheeks immediately blushing pink. She covered herself up and hid behind the door. “Wally! You should have warned me you were coming!” She pulled a fly away hair around her ear. “I’m indecent.” As she turned away from Abby, she saw Hoagie, who had politely turned his head away as soon as he heard the word ‘indecent.’ She started to move away from Wally. “Hoagie Gilligan?” 

Hoagie turned to face the girl, his eyes lighting up with recognition. “Sanban?” 

Wally clenched his jaw, frantically looking back and forth between the two. “You...you know him? He knows you?” He stammered, stepping down the stairs toward the two. 

“Sanban is your girlfriend?” 

Wally grimaced. “Of course she is!” 

“Oh my gosh it is you!” Kuki mused, completely forgetting her unfortunate wardrobe situation. “Look at you! You’ve gotten so tall!” She squealed. 

Hoagie scratched the back of his neck, a light blush on his cheeks. “Well, it’s been like...two years,” he said with a goofy grin. 

Abby crossed her arms. “Hold up. I’m confused.” 

“Mrs. Sanban used to be my Mom’s boss in the accounting firm,” Hoagie explained. “Before she, you know, took over the whole company.” 

Kuki smiled. “I haven’t seen you in so long!” She giggled, her cheeks like roses. “How are you?” 

“Ahem,” Wally interrupted. 

“Oh! Hoagie, this is my boyfriend, Wally. His dad works at my Mom’s company too! Isn’t that funny?” She took Wally’s hand and pulled him over. 

Wally gave an awkward smile. “Hilarious.” 

Kuki nudged him, her face hardening. “Wally don’t be rude.” 

“I’m not bein’ rude!” he protested. 

“You are,” she whispered. “Hoagie is a good person. So be nice.” 

“I’m bein’ nice!” He looked at Hoagie for help. “Aren’t I?” 

Hoagie put on a fake smile. “Yeah, totally,” he lied. “If sticking a gun in my face constitutes as nice,” he added under his breath. 

Kuki sniffled again, the snot cascading down her nose. “But wait...” she sniffed. “What are you doing at my house? It’s great to see you! Really great. But school doesn’t end for hours. I mean, I expect Wally to cut school, but you? I didn’t even know you two knew each other.” 

Hoagie’s brow twitched as he gave a wonky, lopsided crack. “Recently acquainted.” 

That’s when Abby stepped in, knowing she was going to have to explain the situation. She held out her hand, with a gentler approach than she did with Wally before. “Abigail Lincoln,” she introduced herself. “Nice to meet ya.” 

Kuki mantled, her skin glowing. She took her hand. “Hi...” she spoke in a high voice, rocking back and forth from her heels to her toes. “I’m Kuki. I like your hat.” 

Abby grinned, tipping her red cap up just enough that Kuki could see the top of her head. “Much obliged. I’m quite fond of it myself.” Kuki giggled uncontrollably. Wally rolled his eyes, having gotten used to this behavior. 

“Oh gosh!” Kuki held her cheeks, which were burning hot. “I should really go in and change. I’m not suited for company!” She slowly backed away from Abby, her hands now folded in front of her. “I’ll be back real quick!” 

But Wally grabbed Kuki’s hand. “No! There ain’t no time for that! We gotta go!” He tried to pull her back but was met with great resistance. 

“Go? Go where?! Wally, I’m not dressed!” She argued, pulling back. 

“Ain’t you seen the news or nothin’?!” He shouted. “The entire planet’s gone cuckoo for cocoa puffs!” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Tell her!” His hostile voice was now directed towards Abby and Hoagie. “Tell her what you told me!” 

Hoagie grit his teeth. “Well...uh...you see...” 

“It would take too long to explain,” Abby cut him off. “For now ya just have to trust us. We’ll get you someplace safe.” 

Wally nodded, leading his girlfriend to the car, her slippers dragging along the rough concrete.

“Wally? What’s going on?” she quivered. 

He opened the car door, helping her inside. “Some bad people are doing bad things, Kuki. Really, not nice things.” The door closed behind her as Wally took her other hand. “But don’t worry. I ain’t gonna let anything happen to ya.” Hoagie got in the driver’s seat, Abby riding passenger as before. 

“Where to, oh All-Knowing One?” He joked. 

“Just keep headin’ north on this road. The PuzzleTown’s right around the corner, up a few blocks,” she replied, fastening her seatbelt. 

Hoagie smirked. “Really? There’s no other random pick up you want me to make? No cat stuck in a tree that’s vital to your master plan?” Abby looked at him with indignation. “No? Well, alright then.” 

He pulled out of the driveway onto the main street, rolling up to a stop sign, and waiting for traffic to calm down while Wally tried to poorly explain to Kuki what was going on. Hoagie looked in his rearview mirror, a black blob appearing in the distance about one hundred feet behind him. “Uh oh,” he whispered. The black blob was soon accompanied by another black blob, then another and another until there were five in a row. He inhaled. “A-Abigail...your friends are here.”

Abby shot up, checking the mirror on her side. “Oh, that’s just great,” she mumbled. “That’s just what Abby needs right now.” 

Wally turned away from Kuki. “What’s happening?” 

“We got company,” she said. 

Hoagie stepped on the gas normally, hoping they wouldn’t hone in on their location. However, as soon as he turned the corner, the bikes sped up, right on their tail. He felt his breath move from his stomach to his chest. “What do we do?” No answer. “Abigail?” Abby’s eyes were glued to the window, her eyes intently narrowed in on the bikes. 

“Make a U-turn,” she directed. 

Hoagie shook his head furiously. “No. Huh-uh. We are not doing that.” 

“No, listen!” Abby snapped. “The TEENZ always use the same attack strategy. They start off in a line to make the target feel trapped. In about two blocks they’ll break off. That’s when you pull a U an get the hell outta here.” She started rolling down the window. “How close can ya get to one of those bikes?” 

“Moving? No less than five feet away. And not for more than a couple seconds.” 

Abby nodded. “That’s fine.” She tossed Wally her phone. “Follow those directions. Whatever you do, don’t get off course!” 

Kuki peered through the back window. “They’re splitting!” She cried. 

“Go now!” Abby shouted to Hoagie, who took an immediate turn. The tires skidded along the road, leaving behind black track marks. The car let out a nasty squeal. “Veer left.” Hoagie did. 

“Okay, now what?” He asked. 

Abby smirked, flipping her hat around so he knew she meant business. “You keep drivin’.” 

“They’ve got high-powered engines. There’s no way we can outrun them!” Hoagie shouted. 

“I’ll take care of it,” she said with a smile. She started to climb out the window. 

Wally groaned. “What’s she doin’ now?!” 

“Abigail!” Hoagie called. “Get down! What are you doing!” 

“I said I’ll take care of it!” She announced to him from outside the car, climbing her way to the roof. Hoagie tensed, things being very different now that he knew he was driving with a human being on top of the vehicle. One black bike was already turning around. 

Kuki gasped. “Be careful!” She called. 

Hoagie gave the bike room to pass, just as he had been instructed. He stepped on the gas as hard as he could so that he was level with the bike for a bit longer. Another bike came riding up to the right. Suddenly, the bike on the left careened toward the side of the road. Wally and Kuki rushed to the side as much as they could without removing their seat belts to see what was happening. Abby had jumped onto the bike and had it wide open. They couldn’t see the fight, only the TEEN fly out the back of the bike, the window slowly closing back over it. Hoagie saw the window roll down. 

“Hit the break!” She shouted. But Hoagie couldn’t hear her. He did, however, see the other bike on the right side starting to ram him. He put the pieces together and pressed the pedal just enough to slow his speed but not enough to stop. The two bikes rammed into each other in front of him. Abby managed to lead the bike off the road before completely disabling it. Hoagie sped up and drove around the wreckage, Abby riding along the passenger side window. “Nice moves, Moss.” She said cheerfully. “You make one hell of a getaway driver.” 

Hoagie smiled for a moment, before realizing their situation. “That’s two down. You sure you can handle the others?” 

“Don’t worry about me. Just follow the GPS’n I’ll meet ya there.” 

“But where is--” Abby sped off in the opposite direction. Hoagie sighed. “And she’s gone.” 

Abby came at the other bike, skimming the side until the bike tipped over. It didn’t seem as though she was trying very hard. Kuki stared wide-eyed at the scene. “Whoa. Who brought the sexy badass?” Her eyes sparkled, her hands clenching with excitement. “She’s hot!” 

“Fuck! Did you see that?” Wally exclaimed. “She totally took out that bike in one hit!” 

Hoagie winced, seeing another bike gaining full speed on him. The rider’s wheel skidded over one of the crashed bikes, flying in the sky, aiming for the spot where their car was. Kuki and Wally screamed as Hoagie quickly veered to the right, narrowly avoiding the crash. Hoagie was beginning to hyperventilate. This was way over his head. He had lost sight of Abby completely and was unsure which black bike was hers. One thing he knew: This one wasn’t. 

Wally, meanwhile, was finally looking at the GPS. “Okay so you turn left on Chestnut St.” 

“Left on Chestnut. Got it.” Hoagie repeated, slowing down and moving away from the bike. However, the bike anticipated his move and was right on his tail throughout the turn. “Okay what next?” 

“Uh...” Wally squinted. “In 100 feet turn left. On...83rd.” Hoagie swerved over to the left lane, the bike now behind him. “No! Right!” Hoagie groaned, moving over to the right lane. “Right here!” Hoagie spun his wheel and took a hard right, unfortunately allowing the bike to catch up to him on the driver’s side. “Oh...” Wally slouched. “It’s recalculatin’. Guess it was left.” 

Hoagie clenched the wheel. He was going to lose his mind. He turned the car around on its heels, barely managing to skim past the bike. Kuki shook, all the tossing and turning making her nervous. Wally gave Hoagie another direction, one that wouldn’t take into effect for another mile. Kuki noticed the window rolling down on the bike, but only slightly at the top. “Uh...Hoagie? What happens when the bad guys roll down their windows?” 

This time Wally was the one to act. “Duck!” The two crashed to the bottom of the seat as small darts crashed through the windows, glass falling everywhere. Hoagie ducked as much as he could, but an arrow-like dart shot through the window and skimmed his cheek. He opened his eyes, his glasses still in working condition. Out of his peripheral vision, he could see the barrel of the gun, pointing right towards his head. 

A strong female voice came from the bike. “This is your first and final warning. Pull over the vehicle or we will shoot.” 

Hoagie grimaced, trying to move the car, only to realize that the side was fastened to the bike by a cable. No matter how he swerved, they would be right by his side. Shit. He looked in the rearview mirror. There were no signs of Abigail anywhere. His shoulders arched over the wheel. 

Just then, the back door flung open, Wallabee Beatles hanging onto it for dear life. Kuki called out his name in terror as he cocked his own weapon, shooting at the two TEENZ operatives. “Get off’a our car, you sickos!” He screamed, jabbing the back of his gun into the girl’s face, causing her to drop her dart-gun onto the busy road. 

“Alright, Wally!” Kuki cheered from the backseat while Hoagie tried to find his breath. 

“Wally!” He finally remembered the punk kid’s name. “Shoot the cable!” 

“Already on it!” Wally shot the remaining BBs at the cable, severing the car from the bike and causing them to fly backwards. Kuki helped her boyfriend back into the car, slamming the door shut. Hoagie locked all of the doors, in case someone decided to do something crazy like that again. 

“We missed the turn,” He said breathlessly. 

Wally, who was also panting and high on adrenaline, grabbed for Abby’s phone, which was recalculating the route yet again. “Oh. Wait.” He finally said. “I know where this is. It’s right in the end of the neighborhood. Turn--” A hand reached up and grabbed Wally by the neck, choking him. 

“Y-you...” The girl from earlier emerged behind him. “You little fuck! I’m gonna--” 

Kuki grabbed Wally’s BB gun, turning it around and whacking the wooden part in her face, repeatedly. Her cheeks were beat red. “Don’t!” Whack. “You!” Wham! “Dare!” Oof! “Touch!” Boom! “My!” Bam! “WALLYBEAR!” She smacked the woman until she fell off the car. Unfortunately, this meant she also gave Wally some brutal hits as well. 

The boy sunk down, his head circling with stars. “Th-thanks Kuki...” 

Hoagie looked through his mirrors again. He didn’t see any more bikes. He also didn’t see Abigail. “Looks like that’s it...” He sat up. “Is everyone okay?” 

“A-OK!” Kuki gave the thumbs up. 

Wally replied with a sound which resembled an upbeat moan, if such a thing were possible. Finally, he sat up. “Wait! We did it!” He grabbed Kuki, bursting into an almost hysterical laughter. “We beat those fuckers into oblivion!” 

“Yeah we did!” Kuki said back, cheerfully. 

“We’re alive!” Wally exclaimed. He kissed his girlfriend forcefully, who responded in kind, the excitement from the day kicking in. Soon the kissing turned to fondling and continued... 

“Uh...guys...” The kissing did not stop. “You guys!” Still no response. “Wally! The directions!” 

Wally sprang up like a pop tart. “Right!” Hoagie groaned as Kuki giggled. Although, part of him didn’t really blame them at all for getting caught up in the moment. 

It had been a very weird day. 

“Is...is that it?” Kuki asked, her head tilted to the side. “That’s gotta be it.” 

“What is it?” Wally asked. 

Hoagie frowned. “Severe property damage.” 

“Maybe we took a wrong turn somewhere?” Kuki suggested, fidgeting with her hands. 

“We followed all of the directions,” Hoagie said. “This is the location Abigail gave us.” 

“I thought we were going to a coffee shop,” Kuki said, as that was what the others had told her before.

“That sure as hell’s no coffee shop,” Wally crossed his arms.

Indeed, what stood before them was not a coffee shop, or a shop of any kind. It was an average sized house. Its walls were painted bright white, its roof a fire engine red. It certainly stood out amongst the other houses in the neighborhood. Besides the color, the house was normal, two stories with a decent sized yard and a respectable but not flashy architecture. What the teens gawked at was not the house, but the monstrous tree that was sticking out of it. The thing grew up through the roof, its roots supplanted underneath the floorboards. They looked up in awe, not believing what was before them. 

It was the biggest treehouse they had ever seen.

“Should we...” Hoagie started nervously. “Go inside?” 

“How the bloody hell are we gonna get inside?” 

Kuki folded her hands. “I don’t like being out in the open like this. I’m still in my pajamas.” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “Nobody cares about your pajamas!” 

“I care!” Kuki rebutted. “I didn’t even fix my hair.” 

“Kuki, we’re in the middle of a bloody battle! This is no time to worry about your hair!” 

Kuki scowled. “Just because you don’t put any effort into your appearance--” 

“I put plenty’a effort in my appearance!” Wally snapped. 

“Oh really? When’s the last time you brushed your hair?” 

“Ha!” He stood up triumphantly. “Last week!” 

“Uh huh...and your teeth?” He had to think a little bit longer about this one. 

Hoagie, who was no good with these sorts of conflicts, decided that he should try and do something to ease the tension. “C-c’mon you guys...” He walked up to the two. “We’re alive, aren’t we? Isn’t that what counts in all of this?” 

He was, naturally, ignored. Kuki huffed. “I just think if you wanted to make a better impression...” 

“Oh. So now I don’t make a good impression?” Wally scoffed. “I know what this is about. This is because I wouldn’t wear a tie to that bloody dinner your parents had!” 

“It was a gala event, Wally,” she insisted. 

“Who the fuck cares what it was? All your parents care about is a bloke who will show up wearin’ a bloody tie to their prissy parties! It’s bullshit! It’s classist, prejudist bullshit!” 

“My parents work hard for what we have!” Kuki snapped. “They wanted you to look nice. That’s all. It’s about respect.” 

“No. It’s about money.” 

Hoagie blinked, adjusting his glasses. Something was appearing in the distance. “Hey...guys. This probably isn’t the time...” 

“Your parents don’t want their fancy rich person friends to know that their daughter is dating some punk from public high school!” 

“That’s not true!” 

“Of course it’s true!” Wally came back at her. “An’ you might be fine with them dressin’ you up like a doll and paintin’ your face so you can’t see it no more, but leave me out of it!” 

The black speck came into view. It was just as Hoagie hoped and feared, a black bike with a metal exterior around it. He gulped. “You guys...” 

“I don’t want to run around without clothes!” Kuki sneezed. “How am I supposed to run in slippers and a bathrobe?” 

“It’s better than a dress and pointy high heels,” Wally grumbled. 

The bike was now almost to where they were. Hoagie screamed. “Bike!” Wally turned and looked, watching the bike hurdle towards them. Without thinking, he pulled out his weapon, pulling his girlfriend behind him protectively. Hoagie grabbed Kuki’s shoulders, surprised. 

Wally had completely forgotten about the argument. 

“...What should we do?” Kuki whispered. “Should we run?” 

Hoagie shook his head. “Where? Anywhere we go they’d catch us.” 

Wally spit on the ground. “Then we fight,” he spoke at the bottom of his voice. He cocked back the safety on the gun, even though there were no bullets left. 

Hoagie swallowed hard. He never wanted to see Abigail Lincoln more in his entire life. The team sat, preparing themselves. Kuki’s body quivered as Wally breathed heavily. 

The door lifted. 

“Well. Looks like ya didn’t crash the car this time. I say that’s improvement.” The group let out a collective sigh of relief as Abby hopped out of the car. Hoagie tried to relax himself. Of course? Who else would it possibly be? Kuki, thrilled to see her new friend again, leapt out from behind Wally, running to her arms. 

“Abby!” She cried, hugging her. She pulled away for a moment. “Can I call you Abby?” 

Abby laughed. “Please.” 

“Abby, we were so worried about you!” She exclaimed, hugging her again. “How did you beat all those bad guys! You were like--” She proceeded to act out the action-packed events from earlier, complete with hand motions. 

“It’s a secret,” Abby replied. “Want me t’tell ya?” Kuki nodded excitedly. Abby leaned in, whispering in her ear. “I’m the best,” and she left her with that, making her way towards the boys from the flustered girl. She rotated her hat back to its backwards, relaxed position. 

“Abigail, what is this place?” Hoagie asked. “I thought you were taking us to the TND.” 

Abby nodded, understandably. “Yeah, well, we had to take a detour. Abby couldn’t risk leadin’ the TEENZ to the base, and this was the only other place I could think of.” 

Wally slung the gun back in the carrier over his shoulder. “Makes sense.” 

“Is it safe?” Hoagie asked, nervously. 

“Course it’s safe,” Abby insisted. She walked over to the house. “Safest place we can be right now.” 

“Okay but...” Wally was still examining the house, Kuki following close behind him. “How do we get inside?” 

“Easy.” Abby chuckled. “You knock.” 

Hoagie, Kuki, and Wally huddled behind Abby nervously as she knocked on the red wooden door. Kuki grinned awkwardly, preparing for a friendly greeting while the boys just stood uncomfortably staring, waiting for something to happen. 

“What happens if they ain’t home?” Wally asked, anxiously. 

“Then we’ll just use the key under the mat,” Abby explained. 

Hoagie furrowed his brows. “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.” 

“I’m pretty sure you were goin’ 30 miles over the speed limit ‘bout ten minutes ago, Smarty Pants,” Abby reminded him. “Now, hush up.” 

They could hear the sound of scuffling from inside the house. Someone was definitely inside. After a few moments, a muffled ‘just a moment’ could be made out from behind the door. Finally, the lock turned, and the door crept open, a man peering out. As soon as he saw Abby, he swung it wide. 

“Well, isn’t this a surprise!” He said jovially. 

“Hello, Monty,” Abby said with a smile. 

“Abigail! So good to see you!” He looked over her shoulder. “And with friends! Oh how delightful! You never bring your chums with you to visit! Come in! Come in! I just put the kettle on!” 

The man was of medium height and a stoutly build. His thick brown mustache and eyebrows covered his lips and his eyes, so much so that at times it was difficult to tell whether or not he was speaking or could even see who he was speaking to. He had big hands, big feet, and a gruff but gentle voice, which his heavy British accent made even more endearing. The only hair on his head was on the sides and stuck up on end, starting to grey. He wore a red plaid shirt and a pair of green overalls, which he preferred to most all of his other shirts and overalls. 

“You’re lookin’ dapper today,” Abby said, walking into the house. The others followed, unsure of whether to sit down or just hang around in the doorway. 

Monty blushed. “Isn’t she just brilliant? She’s a keeper, this one.” 

Abby gestured to her friends one at a time. “Monty, this is Wallabee, Kuki, and Hoagie. They’re friends from school.” 

“Well, it’s very nice to make your acquaintance!” Monty said. “Please! Sit! Sit! The tea is almost ready!” 

“So...” Wally was the first to actually sit down. Abby followed suit, then Kuki. “Have you, uh, always lived in a tree?” 

Monty grinned. “Why, certainly. Don’t you?” 

Wally’s nose scrunched. “No...” 

Monty let out a hearty laugh. “Most houses are made of wood, I suspect. So naturally we all live in trees, in a fashion? Wouldn’t you say so?” He looked up, scratching the back of his head. “Though, no matter what I do the roof always seems to leak during the rainy season. Can’t for the life of me figure out why! Been thinking about getting one of those new-fangled tile roofs but, you know, I’m not quite minted.” 

“Uh...” Wally looked up at the roof. “Is this guy mental?” he whispered to Abby, who just shook her head and smiled. 

“Well, let’s see now.” Monty took a seat across from Abby. His eyes were locked on Wally. He lifted his eyebrows high, finally revealing a set of vibrant blue eyes. “Yes, I see. An Australian lad, well that’s pretty special I’d say. Yes. You don’t meet a lot of them in these parts. Quite a handsome young lad too. Strong, I suspect. A strong will and a strong heart. With the eyes of a fighter. I like him quite a lot.” He leaned into Abby. “How long have you two been together now?” 

All three of them blushed, but Abby simply shook her head. “N-no, Monty. We’re not together.” She scooted over so that Kuki could sit next to Wally, who took his hand. 

“Wally and I are actually a couple,” she told him. 

“Why, yes!” Came Monty’s immediate response. “Of course you are! Yes, I see it now! How foolish of me. He’s a fine gentleman, my dear. A catch if I ever saw one.” 

Wally grinned, whispering to Kuki. “See? A gentleman he says.” 

Monty moved on to Kuki. “Let’s take a look, yes. Beautiful eyes, wide. Always keep wide eyes, children, or else you’ll just see everything through the bushes like me! Haha!” He bellowed out another laugh. “Japanese women have lovely eyes I think, don’t you think Abigail?” 

“I think so,” She replied, which made Kuki turn into a beat. 

“And a gentle touch for a gentle soul. But fierce too. You have a powerful energy. Very powerful. Quite a good fit. Rebellious spirits aren’t you?” He leaned back. “Yes, good. Quite good. Now, where’s the other one? He hasn’t wandered off, has he?” 

Abby leaned her cheek on her hand. “He does that.” 

“Excellent!” 

Monty stood and ambled into the next room, where he found Hoagie looking at the photos on the mantle. “There you are. I was worried you might’ve run away and joined the circus!” 

Hoagie turned around, flustered. “I-I’m sorry. I just...I was looking at the tree and I got distracted.” There was a pause. “We stopped getting family photos taken a long time ago.” 

“No need to apologize, My Boy!” Monty said, putting a hand on Hoagie’s shoulder. “You’re curious. I see it in your eyes. Wide with curiosity. Very important for a lad your age.” 

“Thank you so much for letting us into your home Mr...” 

“Monty is fine. No need for formalities. A Chum of Abigail’s is a son of mine!” 

Hoagie smiled. He turned back to the picture. It was a frame of him with a woman, reddish hair and bright red lipstick. “Is that your wife?” 

“Yes. Oh, she is beautiful, isn’t she? Just the most stunning woman ever to walk the face of the earth. I would introduce you, but she is in England visiting her mother who hasn’t been feeling well as of late. My lovely wife has gone to tend to her needs. I do get lonely while she’s away, but Abigail visits from time to time, so I’m not terribly alone.” 

“It’s just the two of you, then?” 

Monty nodded. “Couldn’t have any children, even though we always said we would. I’ve thought about adopting but I get busy and forget. Now, well, I’m a bit too old and with the new laws I suppose folks don’t want to raise children the old-fashioned way. But I love to treat every person who comes to my house as a son or daughter! That’s almost just as good I’d say.” 

Hoagie smiled. “Pretty good, yeah.” 

“Anyway, My Boy, we mustn’t dally in here for long,” he said leading Hoagie out toward the living room. “We have togetherness to attend to!” 

Abby lifted an eyebrow as she saw Monty bring Hoagie in, arm completely around his shoulder. The boy blushed, not sure how to respond to all of the attention he was receiving. 

Kuki giggled. “Hey you caught him!” she announced. 

“I have indeed!” Monty replied, triumphantly. “I like this one. He’s a big man. Like yours truly. Big hands. Big heart. Like the days of my youth.” He pulled Hoagie’s face down. “A great, broad smile, yes. Good teeth. Very important. Bright, curious eyes. Observant. Always looking. Yes, good. These...oh-ho, these...are the eyes of a dreamer.” He looked over at Abby. “And a lover.” 

Abby leaned in towards Wally and Kuki, unable to hide her smile. “He says that about everybody.” 

“And a strong back!” Monty smacked Hoagie’s shoulder blade. “Good for hard work! Yet, a gentle touch. You’re not a Mormon by any chance?” 

Hoagie grinned. “Jewish.” 

“Yes!” Exclaimed the man. “A fine, hard-working, man with morale. That’s what I like to see! The ladies love a lumberjack!” 

Wally couldn’t help but crack up at that line, as Hoagie just stood there, confused. 

“What about Abby?” Kuki asked, nearly jumping out of her seat. 

“Yeah!” Wally chimed in after his giggle fest had ended. “What’s her face look like?” 

Abby leaned back in her seat. “Nah, y’all don’t wanna--” 

“Oh but we do!” Kuki begged. “Please, Mr. Monty!” 

Hoagie leaned on the wing of another chair, looking over toward her direction. “Yeah, tell us. What kind of person is she?” 

“Abigail?” Monty said. “Why, she’s brilliant! Simply brilliant! I’m sure all of you know already. She’s got the poise of a warrior, and the determined eyes of a leader. If she could, she would’ve proudly march beside Martin Luther King Jr. and The Suffragettes. She runs into battle, leading the charge! Because our Abigail believes in justice.” He smiled broadly. Hoagie found his lips curving into a simper at the word justice. “That’s why she’s a leader. She’s brilliant. Let me tell you. If I had a son...he would be with a girl like this one. I guarantee it.” 

Hoagie watched Abby’s face fall slightly, and then pick right back up again. “Thank you, Monty,” she said. He looked at Wally and Kuki, neither of them appearing to notice.

“Now, who would like a nice cuppa tea?” Monty said. 

“A-actually,” Abby interrupted. “I was gonna show them the Treehouse.” 

Monty chortled. “She calls my attic the treehouse. Such an imagination on this one! Yes, certainly. You must show them! She loves the attic. She will be up there for hours. Sometimes I don’t even hear her leave!” 

“But...” Kuki wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. “You know there is a tree...in the middle of your house. And there’s a treehouse--” 

“A tree?” Monty looked around. “You don’t say? Well, how the blazes did it get there, do you suppose?” No one spoke. “What a fun game this is! Let’s imagine I live in an undersea castle! That would be a good time!” 

Abby stood up. “I’d like to get my friends home by sundown,” Abby lied. “So I think we’re just gonna go on up to the...attic.” 

“Very good, then. If you decide you want a cuppa, just come on down. I know how hard you kids play!” 

Hoagie walked around, holding out his hand. “It was wonderful to meet you Mr. Monty.” 

“Oh yes! Indeed!” Monty grabbed it. “I love a man with a firm handshake. Yes.” He looked him over again. “Yes. You will do quite nicely.” 

“H-huh?” 

“Goodbye!” Kuki bounded by, waving. “We’ll come back and see you real soon, okay?” 

“I would very much enjoy that,” Monty said, releasing Hoagie’s hand and waving to Kuki. Wally followed, waving silently. Hoagie then followed Wally as they went around the corner. 

“Oh! Abigail!” Monty called, Abby already half way up the stairs. “Come here a minute, won’t you?” Abby walked down the stairs, telling the others to meet her at the top. She wasn’t gone for long, perhaps two minutes, but since has kept the conversation with Monty a secret. When she finally arrived at the top of the stairs, her friends were in a much more relaxed state. 

“The man’s loony,” Wally stated. “But I like him.” 

“Does he really not know that there’s a tree growing in the middle of his house?” Hoagie asked. 

“Yeah,” Abby replied with an almost melancholic tone. “He can’t see it.” 

The others sunk down slightly. Perhaps the man had just gotten too old and forgot every day that the tree was there. Or maybe it was another part of the mystery that Abby wasn’t sharing. They hoped that they would finally get some answers. 

Abby put her hand on the bark of the tree, pushing on it to reveal a secret passageway. Cobwebs blanketed the doorway, leading to an upward spiraling staircase. “The elevator’s deactivated, so we gotta use this.” 

“What is this place, Abby?” Kuki asked. 

“This...” She smiled bittersweetly. “Is Sector V.” 

END TRANSMISSION


	4. M.A.R.S.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four find refuge in Abby's childhood stronghold as the TND starts to take notice of them. Wally, Kuki and Hoagie uncover a secret that will change the mission and their lives.

Now loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED] 

Operation: M.A.R.S.

Maurice  
Approves  
Retreat   
Sanction 

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by  
Tom Warburton and Cartoon Network 

Episode 4

September 4th, 2007

It was an early Saturday morning in Cleveland, Ohio. Birds sang a happy tune as trees swayed to the silent breeze. The sun was starting to peek over the homes in the quiet suburban neighborhood. Children were tucked in bed, sleeping in past their alarms as their parents let their houses fill with the smell of fresh muffins and crispy bacon. All was at peace. 

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. A siren sang its call to action, waking up nearly half the neighborhood with its piercing wail. Cups of coffee spilled, babies started to cry as the Adults looked around, trying to find the source of the panic. At the end of the street, a great red light flashed atop an even greater treehouse, which was rooted inside a two-story white house with a broken red roof. Inside, four kids stumbled out of their beds, sliding down poles in order to make it to the heart of the tree. As they entered the corridor, a small bald boy stood with his hands clasped firmly behind his back. The chatter of the others did not faze him. Only the sound of his whirring mind passed through his ears. 

This was it, he thought. The end of the world was beginning. 

The children filed in by Numbuh. Numbuh 2 was first, having had just gone to bed hours before after a late night of work. Numbuhs 3 and 4 entered together. They did everything together nowadays. Numbuh 4 grumbled as Numbuh 3 rubbed her eyes, still in a daze. Finally, Numbuh 5 approached with bags under her eyes and a sour disposition. Waking up that early on a Saturday was not her idea of cool. 

“Have a seat,” the bald boy said, turning around. His eyes were shielded by a pair of round sunglasses, making him appear to be the most important of the team. At least, that was the intention. “There’s been an emergency that requires our immediate attention.” He spoke clearly, with a proper English accent. This was he, the fearless leader. 

Numbuh 1. 

“This couldn’t’ve waited till after Numbuh 5 woke up?” Numbuh 5 bit at him. 

Numbuh 2 agreed. “Or at least after breakfast?” 

“Sorry guys,” Numbuh 1 approached his podium. “But we have an important mission from Kids Next Door Moon Base. There was no time to waste.” 

“Well then, what’re ya waitin’ for?” Numbuh 4 snapped. “Tell us whose butt we’re gonna kick today!” 

“Right,” Numbuh 1 nodded. He picked up a nearby remote and pressed the big red button on the front, activating the 3D hologram projection system. “Brace yourselves, Team. This mission could change the world as we know it.” He pressed another button as an image popped up on the table. The others looked at it with shock and awe. 

“Aww!” Numbuh 3 squealed with excitement. “It’s so cute!” 

“Um...Numbuh 1,” Numbuh 2 started to protest. 

Numbuh 1 nodded again, triumphantly. “Isn’t it awful? Doesn’t it make you quake with fear?!” 

Numbuh 5 rolled her eyes. “You’ve gotta be kiddin’.”

The team stared at the image that Nigel had placed on the screen, trying desperately to figure out what it could possibly mean. Yet no matter how hard they tried, all they could see was the same thing. 

“I’ve got it!” Numbuh 4 shouted. Everyone turned to him, surprised. “It’s a cow!” His teammates slapped their palms into their faces. 

It was, indeed, a cow. 

“Not just any cow,” Numbuh 1 explained, zooming in the image. “It’s a brown cow.” 

Numbuh 2 giggled. “How now!” 

Numbuh 1 cleared his throat. “We’ve received word that the school board wants to change the menu to make healthy lunches for kids. But we all know what that really means!” 

“No more pizza bagels?” Numbuh 2 gasped. 

“It means that the schools are trying to control what we eat so they can control our brains! But it isn’t enough to just change the menu. Since we all know that chocolate milk comes from the brown cow, I can only assume that’s where they’ll strike first. The Adults are planning to get rid of all the brown cows, so children are stuck drinking plain old regular milk!” Numbuh 1 shouted, quite fanatically. 

But Numbuh 5 was not on board. “What? That ain’t no mission!” 

“Of course it’s a mission!” Numbuh 1 flailed his arms before slamming them on the podium. “Everyone knows the chocolate neutralizes the tracking devices they put into our milk cartons! And no more brown cows means no more chocolate milk!” 

Numbuh 2 raised his hand. “Couldn’t you just add chocolate sauce to regular milk?” 

“Numbuh 5 cannot believe you woke us up on a Saturday mornin’ for this!” 

Numbuh 5 was still not convinced of the importance of this mission. 

“I got a question,” Numbuh 4 said. “If chocolate cows make chocolate milk, does that mean they also make chocolate milkshakes?” 

“Yeah,” Numbuh 2 added. “Or chocolate cheese?” 

“Ew!” Numbuh 3 grasped her mouth in disgust. “Chocolate cheese?” 

Numbuh 4 grinned. “What about chocolate cheese burgers?” He looked at his friend for his approval. Numbuh 2 nodded excitedly. 

Numbuh 5 stood to her feet, whipping her braid. “Numbuh 5 is not missin’ out on a nice day like this just so you can save a bunch of stupid cows.” She proceeded to walk out of the room, her fearless leader following her, begging her to return. 

“But you don’t understand!” he pleaded. 

“Yeah!” Numbuh 2 chuckled. “You’re milking us dry here!” His joke was received as though he let one rip right in the room. “Haha! This is udderly ridiculous! I mean, Cheez, Numbuh 5!” 

“You’re gonna be cream cheese in a minute if you don’t shut up,” Numbuh 5 spat back, shaking her fist at him. 

Numbuh 3 giggled at Numbuh 2’s embarrassment. 

“Y’all can go save the cows,” Numbuh 5 was at the door now. “Numbuh 5 is goin’ back to bed.” 

“No!” Numbuh 1 whined. “This is an important mission! Y-you can’t just go back to sleep!”

“Watch me.” It didn’t seem to be working.

Numbuh 2 knowingly twiddled his thumbs. “It’s really too bad. No more chocolate milk means no more chocolate ice cream.” His eyes moved slowly over to Numbuh 5, who froze at his words. 

As though appearing in a puff of smoke, Numbuh 5 was suddenly right back at the table, hovering over it with much anticipation. “When do we leave?!” she asked Numbuh 1, who shared with her his determined grin. “This injustice will not stand!” 

Numbuh 4 looked at Numbuh 2. “Whoa. How’d you do that?” 

Numbuh 2 looked at him, his eyes innocent beneath his opaque yellow goggles. “Do what?” 

“Don’t just stand there!” Numbuh 5 shouted at them. “This is a code alpha mega sooper important alert here, people!” 

Numbuh 1 stepped back, adjusting his sunglasses so that the light reflected off of them just so. “Right. Numbuh 2, prepare the S.C.A.M.P.E.R.” 

“Roger that!” he saluted. 

“Numbuh’s 3 and 4, you two are on weapon detail. Grab all the dairy-based weaponry you can find!” 

“Yay!” Numbuh 3 jumped up to her feet, standing on the bench she was sitting on, excitedly. “Mission time!” 

“Alright,” Numbuh 4 said, cracking his shoulder. “Time to show those cruddy Adults who’s boss!” He punched and kicked the air a few times, just to prove his point. 

“Numbuh 5, You’re with me. We’ll make sure that no kid has to eat what the stoopid school tells them to eat! Not if we can help it!” His team cheered him on as he stepped back onto the podium, fire in his eyes and justice in his heart. “Kids Next Door!” Numbuh 1 stuck his fist in the air. “Battle stations!”

March 31st, 2015

Kuki stepped cautiously along the side of the wooden staircase, trying desperately not to slip on her robe or fuzzy slippers. The winding steps ascended into an inky blackness, one that could only be battled by the desperate light of a dying cell phone. Wally remained behind with her, helping her up the stairs whenever he could see she was struggling. Hoagie stayed in the middle, peering over Abby’s shoulder to try and get a glimpse of where they were going. Like so many things, their path was shrouded in shadow. 

“So...” he started, holding onto the wall as he climbed through the darkness. “What’s Sector V?” Abby didn’t answer him, even though he knew she heard him. Hoagie frowned. There was something suspicious about this whole thing, something Wally and Kuki clearly weren’t picking up on. He tried again. “Is it like...a secret passage to the base?” 

Abby didn’t stop walking. “Not exactly.” 

Hoagie brushed back a cobweb, which clung to his hand. He shook it off in disgust, wiping the dust on his pants. It was clear Abby wasn’t going to volunteer any information. What a shock. “It looks like no one’s been here in decades...” He said under his breath. 

Kuki clutched herself, shivering. The dust was not helping her sickness. “Are you sure it’s safe?” She looked up, even though she couldn’t make out the top of ceiling. 

Wally agreed. “Hidin’ in a billion-foot tree seems a bit obvious. What if they find us here?” 

“We don’t even know where ‘here’ is,” Hoagie tried again. 

“Trust me,” Abby finally replied. “Ain’t nobody gonna go lookin’ for ya here.” 

Kuki looked up again. The ceiling had gotten closer, now almost a foot above her head. Abby stopped walking, pushing on a wooden panel which stood above her. A bright light streamed into the hole, the others closing their eyes, shielding themselves. Abby climbed through, gesturing her company to follow suit. 

They arrived in the center of a long hallway, its walls nothing but boarded panels of molding oak. The ceiling towered over them, nearly three times their height. The hallway stretched long and wide, so it emulated more of a tunnel than a hallway. Streams of light peeked through the holes in the wood, which were no doubt caused by eroding. The gang dropped their jaws as Abby helped them out of the hole one at a time. The shock on their faces only brought a smile to hers.

“Well,” she grinned. “Here we are.” 

Wally was the last through. “Bloody hell...” he whispered. 

“Holy guacamole!” Kuki sputtered after him. “This place is huge!” 

Abby chortled. “Yep. Yo’ lookin’ at a 100% bonafide, genuine, Treehouse.” Her voice grew solemn for a minute. “Beautiful, ain’t it?” 

“It’s incredible.” 

Abby started walking again, her eyes rolling up to the ceiling. She led them down the hall, the walls appearing to get narrower and narrower. Hoagie flinched. It was like a strange piece of abstract art. As soon as Abby started talking, all three teenagers had their attention glued directly to her. 

“This Treehouse is one of the many bases used by the Kids Next Door,” Abby began. Her voice got quiet. “Or at least it was.” 

Kuki pursed her lips. “Kids Next Door?” She tilted her head to the side, Wally along with her. “I’ve never heard of that.” 

“Of course you haven’t,” Abby grumbled under her breath before continuing. “It’s an organization which exists to protect the rights of kids against Adult tyranny.” 

Wally smirked. “Adult tyranny?” he couldn’t help but laugh. “Y’mean like makin’ em do the dishes and homework and stuff?” 

“No,” Abby said. “It’s to prevent the exploitation of kids for the purposes of labor or reducing their resources and basic freedoms to further certain Adult supremacist activity.” 

Wally and Kuki looked at each other, both having the same confused reaction. 

“In other words,” Hoagie stepped in. “You’re civil rights activists for minors.” 

Kuki gasped. “That’s so cool!” 

Abby blushed. “Yeah, I guess it is pretty cool.” 

They arrived at the end of the Hall, Abby opening the door to the pain platform while continuing to explain. “The KND operatives are divided into sectors. These sectors are scattered around the United States, along with several international locations. The ground troops are located in sectors A-Z. This is Sector V, the sector I used to work for before I joined the Teens Next Door. Now, this particular Treehouse is one of the last remainin’ hand-built bases. Normally, the sectors move locations after they change leadership. When that happens, the Treehouses are taken down. But this tree holds significance to the Kids Next Door’s history, so they kept it around. It took some convincin’, but they let us keep the Treehouse too, so long as it remained inactive.” Her eyes softened. “It took so much work to build. Would’a been a shame to see it go.” 

Hoagie shook his head. “Wait. You’re saying a bunch of kids built this?” 

Abby turned to face him with a cheeky grin. “Nah. Really just one. Of course, they had a bitta help.” 

Hoagie’s jaw fell. “One kid?” 

“What can I say?” she said. “He was a genius.” 

“Did you know him?” Hoagie asked. 

“Y’know, for a smart guy you ask a lotta really dumb questions.” 

Hoagie’s brows flattened as Wally chortled in the back.

They walked onto a platform, entering the main meeting room. Abby told the teens to have a seat on a small bench, where they barely were able to squeeze into. Hoagie sat on the end, his body taking up nearly half of the allotted space. The only light in the room came from the windows where the mid-afternoon sun kissed the floor and walls with its glow. Abby walked up to the podium at the front of the room, where she and Nigel had both given many strategy meetings, mission briefs, and motivational speeches. There, she stopped. Sitting on the podium was a pair of tiny black sunglasses. She had put them there for safe keeping, as no one else ever came in the treehouse anymore. She smiled, the sight of them alone enough to keep her going.

“Alright,” she finally said. “Who’s got questions?” 

All three hands shot up in a matter of milliseconds. Each one of them were questions about Father and the machine he was building, what the TND was and, more specifically, what the future of their world was going to look like. Kuki, mortified by what she heard, exclaimed that she needed to find Mushi, her little sister, to make sure she was alright, which Wally assured her was most likely a waste of time. Eventually, she came to the same conclusion herself, and through bitter tears agreed that putting herself in danger was not going to help anyone. Hoagie kept his chin on his palm as he listened to Abby give lecture after lecture. He couldn’t escape the twisting feeling in his stomach. He knew what Father was doing, and he didn’t need to know why he was doing it to know what it wasn’t in his brother’s best interest. Strangely enough, the corruption and greed of the world’s economic and social leaders did not come as a surprise to him. But there was one thing he didn’t understand. 

“I still don’t get what that has to do with us,” he said. 

“I needed a team,” Abby answered. “A team that was gonna fight, not sit around an’ wait for the right moment.” The room was quiet. “I was a member of the KND for most of my childhood,” she continued. “I saw kids grow up into great leaders, and others into traitors. But no matter what happened, Sector V was my home...” She looked above her, admiring the wood of the room, the craftsmanship and the detail. She paused for a while, just staring into space, unable to hide the goofy grin appearing across her lips. “My team and I spent a lotta time here. Fought a lotta oppression and didn’t always win. But I gotta tell ya,” she paused, her eyes sparkling with fond memories. “They were the best. They didn’t just save kids from bein’ forced to do homework or go to the dentist...They saved schools from using kids as means for labor. They discovered and protected endangered species. They built things that flew and swam and scrapped the sky. They saved this planet so many times...” A lump appeared in Abby’s throat, which she swallowed in order to push through. “They were my best friends and now this is all that’s left. The truth is...” She swallowed. “I can’t do anything by myself.” 

“You lost your team? That’s so sad.” Kuki said, tears sparkling in her eyes. “What happened to them?” 

Abby gave a bittersweet smile. “They grew up,” she finally said. “They were decommissioned.” 

“Decommissioned?” Hoagie leaned forward. “Why?” 

“They got too old,” Abby said. “Only kids can be members of the Kids Next Door.” 

Wally scowled. “But you’re a member.” 

“Abby’s an exception.” Abby stood upright. “When an operative turns thirteen they are subtracted from the system. This is a failsafe that prevents people from hacking into our personal files. After that, the teenager’s memories are removed, and they are sent to live the rest of their lives ignorant of the Kids Next Door and anyone associated with them.” Abby stared at the blank faces and decided it best not to go on about the subject. “Recently, Earth was sent a transmission from the Galactic Kids Next Door, the largest conglomeration of KND operatives in the Universe. They have, as of this moment, disbanded the Earth’s sector of the KND.” 

Hoagie raised his eyebrows. “Meaning?” 

Abby looked at the podium. “Meaning everyone whose DNA is still in the code module has been decommissioned.” 

Wally put a hand to his chin. “Aliens!” he shouted. “I knew it was aliens!” 

Kuki gasped. 

“The transmission was delivered by earth’s G:KND representative, Nigel Uno.” The name stuck in Abby’s throat. “I have reason to believe that Uno was fed false information and is not acting at his full capacity. If this is the case, then we may still be able to convince him to reverse the decommissioning process. A negotiation, if you will. For this mission, I’ve selected the three of you to serve as my interim team. You will be given a series of tasks that you must complete without question and without hesitation. If you do, I will guarantee the safe return of your siblings. As for your own safety, I cannot do the same. But that is my proposition.”

“What about the TND?” Kuki started. “Can’t they help you?” 

“They ain’t wholly interested,” Abby said sorely back. 

“Hold on!” Hoagie stood up. “This doesn’t make any sense. You can’t get the support you need from the TND, so you come to us, people you barely even know? Why didn’t you just contact your old team?” He paused, letting the question sink in. “You remember who they are, don’t you? Wouldn’t it make more sense, considering how good they were?” The room was silent. “Did something happen to them?” 

Kuki clasped her hands over her cheeks. “Maybe they were murdered!” 

She was silent. 

“...Abigail?” 

Abby had stopped cold. Hoagie stared straight through her. Years of being betrayed by others had lead him to a life of skepticism. He didn’t know why, but something didn’t add up. Abby could have chosen anyone in the world to work with, but she decided on them? It was a gamble. 

Wally and Kuki watched the exchange, speculating their own answers. Hoagie searched Abby’s eyes for something: a hint that would help him unlock the secret once she spoke. But she didn’t speak, and her silence was all the proof he needed. 

“N-no.” 

Abby’s lack of response reaffirmed his suspicions. 

Hoagie felt his cheeks rise, his chest tightened as he began to laugh. Again, there was no response and his laughter quieted. “No.” 

“What happened?” Kuki asked. “I didn’t hear.”

“Y-you’ve gotta be kidding me.” Hoagie took a step forward. “You think...that’s impossible.” No response. “You can’t be serious! Abigail! Tell me you’re not serious.”

“What!” Kuki was getting impatient. 

But Hoagie wasn’t listening. “Th-there’s no way...” His lip trembled. “We could possibly be...” Abby stared down at the podium, having nothing to say to him. 

“Will somebody please tell me what the bloody hell is goin’ on!” Wally shouted. 

Hoagie clenched his fists. “We’re Sector V,” he said, half in shock. He waited for Abby to finally look back up at him, his nose flared with frustration. “That’s what you think, isn’t it?” 

“I don’t think. I know,” She finally said, surprising even herself.

This took Hoagie aback. Logically, everything was falling into place. When she had asked him for his help, she had denied assistance from anyone else, claiming that it had to be him that helped her. The TEENZ, Joe Balooka, Tommy’s insistence that Hoagie could do anything in the world without taking his physical limitations into account... 

Tommy. 

Hoagie felt sick. Tommy would have told him. He would never keep something like this from him. Not when he knew how badly Hoagie needed to remember... She had to be lying. She just had to be.

Kuki pouted. “I’m...confused.” 

Abby sighed. “I guess it can’t be helped,” she whispered under her breath. “Yes. You ar-” she caught herself. “Were. A long time ago...that’s why...” 

“Did he know?” Hoagie cut her off before she could say anything else. His body twitched. 

Abby didn’t understand. “Wh-what?” 

“Tommy!” Hoagie shouted. “He knew you! Did he know about this too? Did he just decide not to tell me something that important? My brother doesn’t keep secrets from me! He would’ve...” Tommy’s final words to Hoagie hit him in the back of the head. He began replay them in his head. Their meaning was finally clear:

I got to see my big brother in the field again  
That’s the one thing I wanted for my birthday  
My birthday  
My thirteenth birthday  
Thirteen...  
...Thirteen... 

Abby looked down at Nigel’s sunglasses. “You don’t have’ta believe me. But tellin’ former operatives their true identities is a punishable offense.” Her nose began to twitch. “I’m puttin’ my life on the line here. I know you don’t understand. You’ll probably never understand. But Nig--I need you.” She looked up at her team, each of them watching her with intent. “Hoagie Pennywhistle Gilligan Jr: Technology Officer. Kuki Sanban: Diversionary tactician and medical specialist. Wallabee Beetles: Hand to hand combat and weapons expert.” She nodded, confident in her words. “Former Numbuhs 2, 3, and 4 of Sector V.” Her voice dropped to the base of her chest as she clutched the podium. “Please. Help me.” 

Hoagie felt the weight of his body carry him back down to the bench, his fingers straddled across his knees. “This is lunacy,” he whispered.

An annoyed Wally propped his leg up over his own knee. “Well, I believe her.” 

Hoagie’s head shot up, staring at the nonchalant Wally with fiery eyes. “You’re joking.” 

“She ain’t got a reason to lie about it,” Wally clarified. “Kuki and I both don’t really remember much about bein’ kids. Thought it was just a side-effect of growin’ up, but this makes much more sense.” 

Abby looked over at Kuki, who was grinning at her with tears in her eyes. “Of course I believe her!” she said gleefully, standing to her feet in adulation. “I knew it! From the moment I saw you! I knew!” Her smile widened. “We were friends!” 

Abby tried to hold back her tears as she brought her focus back to the wood of the podium. “Thanks, Kuki.” A smile graced her face. 

Hoagie, meanwhile, tried to calm himself. In hindsight, he should have seen this coming. Abby and Tommy knew each other, which meant Tommy knew about the Kids Next Door? But Tommy couldn’t keep a secret to save his life there was no way he could have kept something this big quiet for too long. Hoagie’s head hurt. This was too much to take in, especially on top of everything else that was happening. An operative? Him? A soldier? With teammates...with friends? Absurd. The whole thing was absurd. And yet...Hoagie inhaled. 

“Say it is true,” he said softly, managing to grab everyone’s attention. “That bit of information won’t help us. If we don’t remember, then we’re in the same position we were before. Nothing has changed.” He sat up, eyeing Abby. “As long as we can have the TND’s support in saving our families, then the deal still stands.” 

Abby smiled, which sent a shock up Hoagie’s spine. True, nothing had changed. The situation was exactly the same as before. Yet now, everything was different. Questions began to pile up in his mind, ones he was fearful he would one day learn the answers to. 

“I need air,” he heaved breathily. He left the room without a second thought, exiting toward the hall to the left. He wasn’t sure where he was going, all he could think about was getting out and breathing. Breathing. He needed to breathe. 

“I hate to say it,” Wally griped. “But the Nerdling is right. You said you’d help us so we ain’t got any choice but to listen to ya.” It was his turn to stand up. “We can talk about the rest of this crud later.” 

“Agreed,” Kuki replied. 

Wally stood up, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He brought out the lighter and stuck the bud between his teeth. Abby walked over and snatched the cigarette out of his mouth, her face turning dark. 

“Hey!” He reached for it back, but Abby wouldn’t have it. 

“Nuh-uh! You do not smoke in here!” she scolded him. “This is my childhood!” She stuck the unlit cigarette in her pocket, turning away from him. Walking over to the podium, she noticed Nigel’s sunglasses still sitting where she left them. She gave them a bittersweet smile, picking them up. “Look at em’, Nigel.” She clipped the tiny sunglasses to her shirt. “The hell am I s’posed to do with these idiots?”

Hoagie didn’t have any trouble finding an exit. As soon as he saw a light he ran for it as fast as he could. When he walked through the threshold, he found his breath leaving him once more. The view from the top of the deck was spectacular, as though he were soaring up through the clouds. The wind caught his hair, tickling the collar of his shirt under his sweater. He walked to the edge of the railing in a daze, unsure if he wanted to cry or laugh. The wood appeared to remain steady, despite its old age. Hoagie scrunched his nose, doing the math in his head. 

Seven years old? Or maybe six, depending on when it was made. Perhaps parts were even older than that. He looked over the sea of houses, the empty streets, the broken sidewalks which screamed mass hysteria. He let out a deep sigh from the bottom of his lungs. He imagined them, vacant and cold, with blind Adults walking around, not knowing where their children had gone, or that they had gone. The empty chair at the dinner table, the quiet stillness of the street. Toys without owners collecting dust at the bottom of boxes. 

Tommy. 

“Hey,” a voice behind him said. He turned around to see not Abigail, or Kuki, whom he had expected, but Wally, the punk boy. “Whoa...check that out,” he said, making his way next to Hoagie. “All the houses look the same from up here!” He leaned against the railing, with no concern of its age or whether or not it would hold his weight. “Like the bloody factory they came from,” he added. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “You mind? I’ve been goin’ mad all day.” 

“Go for it,” Hoagie said, trying to put on a polite face. 

Wally puffed a steady stream of smoke into the air. He held the pack out to Hoagie, who refused. Hoagie leaned onto the railing, knowing now it was safe. 

“What was your name again?” 

Hoagie’s body seemed to sink lower into the railing. “Hoagie.” 

“Right. Right. Like the sandwich,” he said. Hoagie rolled his eyes in response. “So. You got a brother, huh?”

Hoagie wasn’t expecting that. “Yeah.” He sat up a bit, noticing Wally wasn’t looking at him. 

Wally held the cigarette between his pointer and middle finger, moving it up and down with just the slight rotation of his joints. 

“How old?” 

“Twelve. He’s turning thirteen in a couple months.” 

Wally was quiet. “Mine’s six.” 

They stood there for what seemed like ages. In the silence, however, the tension seemed to lift. “I’m sorry,” Hoagie said.

“I had’im,” he spoke again, his voice growing harder. “Had’im in my bloody arms...” He grit his teeth. “This Father, Been-A-Dick what’s his name...I’m gonna ring him dry for what he did to Joey.” A smile started to appear on his face, slight and bittersweet, but still a smile. “This bitch doesn’t get it, does she? But that ain’t her fault. To be honest...I dunno quite how to feel about the whole thing.” Wally inhaled again, then blew. “It’s a bloody mess.” 

Hoagie turned to face him, surprised. “You said you believed her.” 

Wally shrugged. “It’s not the believin’ it that’s the problem.” Another puff of smoke came out of Wally’s mouth, Hoagie tried not to cough at the intensity of the smell. “Actually, it’s really fuckin’ easy to believe.” 

“Just really hard to chew...” Hoagie admitted. 

“The way you handled that stick, though. Man, would’a thought you’d just left the Indy 500. It was like out of a spy movie or somethin’.” 

Hoagie could feel his cheeks turning pink as he smiled. “Yeah, well, I normally don’t drive a stick, so the transition wasn’t exactly automatic...” Immediately after he spoke, Hoagie clenched his eyes shut, wanting to punch himself in the face. Dammit, he thought. “That...was a joke.” Why did he always have to mess things up? Suddenly, he heard a puff of air come out of Wally’s mouth, one that wasn’t filled with smoke, followed by something he never thought he would ever hear.

Wally burst out in a string of chortles, causing him to arch his shoulders and lower his head into his chest. “I get it...” he said. “That’s funny.” Hoagie was in too much of a shock to say anything. This person who had done nothing but make fun of him this entire day, actually laughed at one of his jokes. No one ever laughed at his jokes. “Y’know, even though this whole situation sucks major ass,” Wally continued. “It’s still fuckin’ incredible. I mean, you wake up one day and you’re a secret agent? That’s pretty damn cool.” He smiled. “Just like Matt Damon.” 

“Yep,” Hoagie agreed. “We’re Jason Bourne-again.” Wally gave him a blank stare. Hoagie could feel the sweat accumulating on the back of his neck. “Y-you know, Jason Bourne?” Still nothing. “From the Bourne series?” Wally still had no idea what he was talking about. “...Matt Damon.” 

Wally’s face lit up. “Yeah! Matt Damon is the coolest.” 

“Yeah,” Hoagie became solemn again. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You don’t like Matt Damon?” 

“N-no, Matt Damon is fine,” Hoagie said. “It’s just...there’s something not right in all of this. I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s up with Abigail.” 

Wally rotated back around to see his face. “How do you mean?” 

“Well, when we left the school to go find Tommy, my brother, she seemed really upset about something. I mean, other than everything,” he explained. Hoagie pursed his lips, thinking of the way she had clutched the steering wheel. “And then later when I asked her questions, she got all anxious and snapped at me.” 

Wally nodded. “Yeah, I remember that.” 

“She was never planning on telling us the truth. Which, you know, makes sense considering the consequences but...” He adjusted his glasses. “There’s more. I know there is.” 

“Well,” Wally stretched, putting out the cigarette. “I’ll stop believin’ when it stops makin’ sense. She could be trying to trick us, but so long as I get Joey back, I don’t fuckin’ care at this point.” 

Hoagie smiled. “That’s a pretty dangerous mentality.” 

Wally felt his cheeks burn. “That’s cuz I’m a dangerous man!” He said, confidently. To this, Hoagie just laughed, which caused Wally’s face to darken even more. 

Hoagie pushed himself up off the railing. “I’m gonna go talk to her.” He turned to go, Wally following behind. 

“She ain’t gonna tell you nothin’.” 

Hoagie shrugged. “Everyone’s an open book if you take the time to pick it up and read it.” He pointed his finger in the air, matter-of-factly. “This Abigail Lincoln is no different. I guarantee you. Doesn’t matter what your past is, people always find ways to figure you out.” He spun around and raised his palms to the ceiling in another shrugging motion, still walking. “And besides,” Determination twinkled in his eyes. “I quite enjoy reading.” 

Wally stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows raised to the top of his forehead as Hoagie completed his turn, his back to him once more. “Gives me a headache,” he retorted. 

Hoagie may have been convinced that other people were easy to understand, but for Wally, it was Hoagie himself that eluded him. 

Kuki hadn’t moved from the bench. Abby had gone upstairs to make a phone call, leaving her alone in the large, vacant dustbowl that was the Sector V Treehouse. Her mind was doing flips, but it kept landing on Mushi. She thought about her little sister never stealing her makeup again, never trying to sabotage her relationship with her boyfriend or complaining at the dinner table. Kuki rubbed her eyes with the sleeves of her bathrobe, which was now tucked over her legs, protecting them from the chilling air. 

“Hey,” A voice came behind her. She didn’t turn around as she felt a pair of rough hands place themselves on her shoulders. “There’s my Kukiburra...” Kuki smiled as Wally came around and sat next to her. “They got a whole stash’a snacks back there. Did ya know? Cookies, chips...this place is loaded.” 

Kuki wiggled her toes beneath her slippers. “I’m okay, thanks.” Wally leaned back into the seat, puffing air out of his mouth as though he was still smoking. For some reason, the act of doing this always calmed him down, even if there was nothing tangible in his mouth. “Feel better?” she asked him. 

Wally inhaled again. “What do you think?” 

Kuki placed her chin on her knees, rocking to-and-fro. “I’m sorry.” She clutched her legs, squeezing them tightly. “I’m sorry about Joey...and for not texting you back...” 

Wally sat upright. “Oh, I’m gonna get my brother back, Kuki. Don’t you worry about that.” 

Kuki smiled, bittersweetly. “I know you will.” 

“No, not just Joey...” Wally almost decided instantly. “I’m gonna get back every bloody person that bastard took. Joey, Mushi, everyone.” The rage was starting to build up, his passion and frustration burning out the top of his ears. “Damn Adults...they think they can do anything. Just cause they can. They can take their silver spoons and shove them up their asses.” He turned to his girlfriend, his anger subsiding. He leaned over, gently tilting her face toward his. “You n’ me are gonna take down those bastards. Together. I’ll even let you have the first punch. Okay?” 

Kuki nodded, sniffling. “Wally...I’m so confused.” 

Wally sighed, his body lowering down under the weight of his own words. “Yeah.” 

“I know Abby is telling the truth,” She said, a light finding its way back into her eyes. “I can see it on her face, in her smile. When she looks at us, she’s always remembering...something...” 

“You sure it’s not something else?” 

Kuki rotated towards him, sitting up on her knees. “I know it’s crazy, Wally, but I’m serious!” 

“I never said it was crazy,” He said back. “Now, that don’t mean we get to throw all caution to the wind, but a little faith ain’t gonna kill us.” 

Kuki grinned. “I trust her.” 

Wally gave her a half smile, his mind diving back into his earlier conversation. “Well, that makes two of us at least.” 

Hoagie walked out of yet another room on the top floor of the Treehouse, this one appeared to have a boxing ring built inside of it, which he did not understand the usefulness of. After taking a separate turn to allow Wally and Kuki some space, he had found himself lost again in the massive, winding tree, and still no sign of Abigail Lincoln. He sighed. Whoever built this treehouse sure had strange design ticks, he thought. The hallways were slanted, the walls having holes between the boards, which got worse the higher he went. Suddenly, he stopped, a door catching the corner of his eye. He adjusted his glasses, staring at the sloppily painted door with a big 2 on the front. 

A shiver went through his body. 

He clutched the straps of his backpack, which he had kept close by his side since they left his house. A 2...just like the one on his Dad’s aviator cap. He always thought it had been there forever, that his dad must have written it for him after he gave him the cap. He was, after all, Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr. The 2nd. It was one of the many narratives he created for himself, having little memory of his father beyond his talks of airplanes and his crackpot stories. However, that narrative was now being re-written. That number meant something, something beyond a suffix in his name. His hand hovered over the knob of the door. Beyond it, lay the answers he had been searching for. The missing piece, the hole in his life...

He stumbled backwards, moving his hand away from the knob. No. This...this wasn’t right. That wasn’t his room. This wasn’t his treehouse. He felt his heart begin to pound, his breath getting shorter and shorter. His body twitched as he tried to find his air again. He looked around, the angled walls starting to close in on him. Closing his eyes, he reminded himself to breathe. Although he soon realized that remembering to breathe was not as difficult as remembering how. He spun around, walking as fast as he could away from the door, his head throbbing. What was he up here for, anyway? He couldn’t remember. 

He stopped once he reached the end of the hallway. 

His breath quieted. 

The world focused. 

Slowly, he turned back around, his eyes making contact with the door once more. He inhaled, holding his breath, as though he were about to dive into an icy cold ocean. Curiosity got the better of him. He had to know. He had to see what was behind that door, no matter how difficult it was. Clenching his fists, he marched back over to the door at full-speed, grabbing the handle and pulling it open with all the force he could muster. 

“Abigail?” 

His mouth hung open as he let go of the door. 

It was empty. 

Hoagie crept into the room, the dusty floorboards creaking as though to warn him that he no longer belonged there. He reached for the light switch in the side of the room, but it did nothing. There was a small window, which cast a golden light onto the empty floor. A few wires were unhooked, blanketed with dust and cobwebs. The only thing of note in the area was a tall wooden ladder, which leaned against the right-hand wall. 

An unexplainable heaviness fell over him. Every other room he visited had something: a couch, a couple of books, some old stuffed animals, even a boxing ring. But here, there was nothing. Hoagie’s nose twitched from the dust. He didn’t know why, but he felt as though he would burst into tears at any moment. 

He closed the door, hearing the latch click, surprised that there even was a latch on a door in a kid’s treehouse. Fitting, he thought bitterly. The one empty room in the place was his own. 

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Hoagie jumped, the lights blackening out, a red warning light flashing over his head. Shit, he thought. Did he trigger some sort of alarm system? 

TEEN ALERT  
TEEN ALERT

Hoagie covered his ears, running to the end of the hall again. A steel wall rocketed up from the ground, blocking his path. He tripped over his shoes, falling to the ground with a thud. He scrambled to his feet again, sprinting to the other end of the hall. 

“Abigail!” He called, his voice straining to reach over the incessant beeping. “Abigail! Are you up here? I think something triggered the alarm!” There was no response. “She’s not up here...” he said to himself. 

Just then, he caught a whiff of something in his nose. It was a strange, sour smell, but a familiar one. The smell was followed by a sound. Hoagie’s ears perked as he heard the faint echo of a piercing scream. He recognized it instantly, his heart starting to thud again. 

“Kuki!” He called. No answer. 

The sour smell got stronger, causing him to plug his nose. It was rank, like...rotten eggs...or sour milk...or...Hoagie’s vision started to blur. He blinked rapidly, trying to focus. A green haze snaked around the wooden floor. As soon as he caught a glimpse of it, his mind went black. Everything began to fall away: Tommy, Kuki, Abigail Lincoln, the Kids Next Door, all of it seeped into a black hole as his face hit the ground. 

Wally held his head as he sat up. His body shivered as he felt the cool tile of the floor. Everything was pitch black, not a spec of light entered the room. He had to double check that his eyes were open, which they were. He called out to his girlfriend, who was lying underneath him, complaining that his combat boots were pushing against her stomach. 

“Where the bloody hell are we?” He asked. 

Kuki gasped. “Where’s Hoagie?” 

“I’m right here...” They heard him grumble. 

“And Abby?” She asked. This time, there was no answer. “...Abby?” She called again, her voice trembling. “Oh no.” 

“That’s it,” Wally’s voice raised a few keys. “We’re dead. This is the end. They’re gonna cut us up and feed us to their pet piranhas!” He grabbed his head. 

“Wally, please.” Kuki crossed her arms. “You’re over reacting.” 

“Why’d I pick today to go to school? Nothin’ good ever happens when you go to school!” 

Hoagie shook his head. “This would have happened even if you hadn’t gone to school.” 

“Shut up!” Wally snapped. “Oh God. I don’t wanna die, Kuki! I got so many things left to live for! I still need to see Dave Groll in concert and...and get a tattoo...and eat an entire burrito in one bite!” Wally stood up, his fists clenched, ready for action. “No way! I ain’t goin’ down without a fight! You hear that you fuckin’ ass-clowns! I’ll take on every one of ya!” 

Hoagie stiffened. “Wally! Shh!” 

“You want some of this? Huh?” He put up his dukes. “Well, let me see ya throw it down, old maids!” 

“Yeah!” Kuki chimed in, her confidence, for some reason, higher than it had been all day. “We’re gonna take you down to the pound!” 

“Good one!” Wally congratulated her.

“Oh my god we’re gonna die,” Hoagie whispered to himself. 

Just then, the door crept open, a steady stream of light flashing into the room. The teens shielded their eyes, barely able to see the dark shadowy figure in the doorway. When everything finally came into focus, they saw a man with long black dread locks, leaning on the side of the archway. His arms were crossed, one leg folded over the other. He looked at them in their sorry state: Wally’s hair sticking up on end, Kuki in her bathrobe and slippers, and Hoagie’s sweaty body and ruddy face. 

He sighed, watching them with both annoyance and pity. 

“Come on,” he finally said. “Let’s get going.” 

“No way!” Wally shouted, grabbing Kuki’s hand. “We’re not going anywhere with you!” 

The man sighed again. “Fine. Whatever. Suit yourself.” 

“Maurice!” Another, familiar voice cut in. Abby’s distinct silhouette came into view. She leaned into the room, giving them a cheeky grin and a wave. “C’mon now, be nice.” Her old teammates looked at her, not amused in the slightest. “Y’all hungry?” 

Hoagie, Wally and Kuki looked at each other, then back at Abby. 

“Good.” She started to walk away. “Cause Abby’s starvin’.” 

“Well, it was a bit of a backwards route,” Abby said as she marched alongside Maurice. “But I promised’ta get ya here, didn’t I?” 

They walked down the hallway where they came upon a large pair of double doors. Kuki ran up to Abby, not wanting to leave her side for a second. Abby walked up to the scanner, sticking her finger in her nose. The boys flinched with disgust. She placed her finger into the hole next to the scanner as the door slowly opened. She turned back to the boys, who no longer had the desire to move forward. 

“C’mon!” Abby called as she walked through. “Before you get locked out.” 

“This was definitely designed by kids...” Hoagie remarked. 

“That is so gross,” Wally agreed. 

“Let’s go!” An impatient Abby said as she watched the boys scramble after her. 

Maurice smiled for them. “We’re here. Home Base.” 

When they walked through the doors, they were astonished. The place was huge, like a giant mall. Some rooms had clear windows, others were completely closed. Around them, thousands of teenagers were bustling around, carrying things from one room to the other in a panic. Hoagie took a whiff of the air, a rich smell tickling his nose. He sniffed it again, his entire body beginning to tingle. It was a warm smell, welcoming and fresh, the smell of progress and a job well done. Yet, he couldn’t put a finger on where he had experienced the aroma before. It wasn’t diesel fuel. It was softer, smokier, more efficient. 

It smelled like home. 

“Sorry if we scared you,” Maurice said, his mood seemingly beginning to brighten. “We noticed the suspicious activity around the Treehouse, so we had it temporarily activated. We didn’t want the TEENZ to collect any more information.” 

Wally frowned, still not pleased with the situation. “So you smoke bombed us.” 

Maurice laughed, awkwardly. “Yeah, well, we’re in a bit of a crisis mode. Can’t afford to make any mistakes, right?” But Wally’s frown did not go away. Maurice faced Hoagie. “We had to take your backpack for security. We will have it ready for you within the next few hours. There’s food right down that hall over there. I’m sure you’re very hungry after the day you’ve had...” 

“Maurice was it?” Hoagie asked. “We actually came here to talk to you about--” 

But Maurice put up a hand in protest. “No worries. Abby explained everything. Feed your bellies first. We can talk about your situation later.” 

Hoagie smiled. “That’s very kind of you.” 

“Do you have showers?” Kuki asked. “And maybe a change of clothes?” 

“Sure,” Maurice said. “We’ll get you set up. But you might want to eat first. Food doesn’t last long here at the TND.” 

“Alright!” Abby said bounding away from him, the desperation in her voice was palpable. “Let’s go eat! Abby feels like she could swallow a rocket ship...” 

“Abigail,” Maurice said bluntly. “You mind hangin’ back a sec?” 

Abby pasted on a smile. “Sure.” She turned to her old teammates. “Abby’ll catch up with ya later...” she told them. They agreed, and it wasn’t long before they had disappeared into the crowd. She turned back to Maurice, who was glaring at her. “See? They’re good people.” 

“That’s not the issue.” 

“What did you want me to do? Let the TEENZ get them?” Abby snapped. 

“I want you to mind your own business!” Maurice spat back. “You’ve compromised the whole mission by bringing them here! They’ll know who you are! Who we are!” 

“They’re just here because they wanna help us rescue the kids.” She paused for a long time. “Circumstances have changed.” The knot in her stomach grew more and more twisted as she thought about what the TEENZ had said. “The TEENZ know...” she tried to find the words. “They know someone’s been meddling with their system.” 

Maurice sighed. “I suspected as much.” 

“If we let them back out there, it won’t take long for the TEENZ to capture them. We can’t afford to let that happen.” Abby said. “We need them.” 

“We don’t need them.” 

“If we’re gonna stop Nigel, yes. We do.” 

“Stopping Nigel isn’t the priority right now,” Maurice said. “Earth has been quarantined. The G:KND has a barrier all around the perimeter. It’s going to take everything we have just to get a ship to Mars!” 

“Mars?” Abby stiffened. “How about Earth? What are you gonna do about that?” 

“Abby...” Maurice was hesitant. “The Kids Next Door is gone. The TEENZ have captured nearly half of our agents. We can’t--” 

“You’re not gonna do anything?” she said in disbelief. “You’re just gonna let Father take over the planet?” 

“No!” Maurice raised his voice. “But if we fight now we will lose. No question. And then there will be no more Kids Next Door. No hope for any kids of any time. I don’t want to have to sacrifice anyone either, but if it means the survival of this organization I am willing to do whatever it takes.”

Abby let his words sink in. Of course he had a point. She hadn’t realized how desperate the situation was. As long as there was a Kids Next Door, there was hope for kids. She couldn’t very well argue with that. It was telling the others that would prove difficult. 

“Fine then,” Abby stated. “I’ll find Nigel myself.” 

“Uh...no you will not!” 

“Maurice.” 

“If you go to the G:KND they will see it as an act of war. We don’t have the numbers, nor the resources to fight them. We can’t even fight Father to save our own planet!” He gritted his teeth. “You can’t risk intergalactic war for a chance at diplomacy!” 

Abby’s face was stone cold. “Nigel’s in trouble and he needs his friends.” 

Maurice pinched the bridge of his nose. “Nigel’s not the one in trouble, Abby!” he argued. “He’s the one who caused all the trouble! We are the ones who need help!” 

“And when I brought you help, you got mad at me!” Abby clenched her fists. 

“What? Them?” Maurice couldn’t handle this anymore. “They can’t help us! They’re teenagers!” 

“We’re teenagers!” 

“It’s not the same!” Maurice heaved. He tried to keep his voice down as to not alarm the other agents. “They may look the same as us, but they aren’t! They’re brainwashed! Agified! With no memories of the KND whatsoever.” 

“So you won’t even give them a chance?” 

“You can’t assume that because they were on our side at one point, they’ll just automatically be loyal to you! That’s dangerous. You shouldn’t have brought them here.” 

“What does it matter what I do with my friends?” Abby felt her heart race faster and faster. “Who am I gonna answer to?! The Kids Next Door? Oh wait. There is no Kids Next Door! There’s barely a Teens Next Door!” 

“They’re not your friends anymore, Abigail!” Maurice snapped. Abby flinched. “Your team is gone. Sector V is dead. And you need to realize that before you get yourself hurt.” He turned around, beginning to walk away. 

“They used to be your friends too,” Abby spoke at the base of her voice. “Or did you forget that?” 

He stopped. “You’re not going after Nigel,” he commanded quietly. 

“I’m not askin’ for your permission,” she replied. “I’m askin’ for yo’ help. If you don’t wanna come, that’s fine. But they came all this way to get their families back. At least try to help save them.” 

It was quiet for a long time before Maurice responded. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

Maurice left, his mind riddled with all of the things that he needed to do. If this was what it took for Abby to realize how unreasonable she was being, then he would take it. He sighed. Despite keeping her memories, she too had changed drastically since she was a child. Losing her friends had made her paranoid, obsessive, and much more impulsive than the level-headed Soopreme Leader of the KND that the organization hired. No, it started with Nigel, Maurice figured. All he knew was that eventually, she would see things differently. She would move on and let go, just like he did. 

Just like he did? Maurice shook his head again. That was a laugh. He wasn’t any better than she was. 

The truth was, he was much worse.

Kuki stared at the large pile of cardboard boxes in front of her. Wally sat on her right, Hoagie on her left, Abby, having finally joined after her conversation with Maurice, straight across. Around them, hundreds of TND agents swarmed the table, picking up slices of greasy pizza and shoving it in their mouths. Kuki held her stomach as it began to grumble. 

“You sure you guys don’t need to ration?” Hoagie asked, his mouth full. 

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. Eat as much as you want,” Abby said. She leaned her chin on her palm, watching as the teenagers devoured their plates.

Hoagie shook his head. “You’re gonna regret saying that,” he jeered. 

Kuki noticed a man bringing more boxes. “Um, excuse me?” She asked. “Do you have, um, anything else besides...this?” 

The boy, whose carrot-top red hair matched the pustules on his face, snarled at her. “You mean like a salad? Go fuck yourself, Teenager.” 

“Hey!” Wally shot up, but the guy was already gone. “What a dick!” He looked over at Kuki, who he saw still hadn’t eaten anything. “Kuki. Seriously. You can’t do this here.” 

“I was just asking...” She sulked. 

“Kuki,” he said again, sterner. “We’re in the mothah fuckin’ apocalypse. Eat the damn pizza.” He reached over to grab another piece from the box in front of Hoagie. 

Hoagie could feel the sweat reappearing on the back of his neck again. “W-wait! Wally-” Wally opened the box to discover it completely empty. Hoagie slouched in his seat, pulling his hat over his ears. 

“Fuckin’ Hell, Man!” He tipped over the box, letting the crumbs run out the bottom. “Fang it.” 

Hoagie shrank. “Sorry.” 

“Whoa!” One of the TND agents came behind him. “Holy shit, check it out. This guy ate the whole box in like...five minutes!” Hoagie’s ears started to burn, his face florid. More and more Teenagers were soon hovered around him, commenting on the miraculous feat. A pair of strong hands grabbed him by the shoulders, another ruffling his hat. 

“Dude!” Another guy punched him in the shoulder. “Way to fuckin’ rip, man!” 

“I haven’t seen a guy kill like that since Davis did the WonderBurger challenge...” 

“Oh yeah. That was sick.” 

“So was he afterwards, haha!” one said, making puking sounds and gestures over Hoagie’s head. 

Abby stood up. “Ahem.” Her eyes were stern and narrow. “We all finished? ‘Cause Abby’d really like to finish her meal in peace.” The teenage boys dispersed immediately, leaving a perplexed and embarrassed Hoagie in their wake. He adjusted his hat, looking at Abby who was smiling proudly at him. 

“...Thank you,” He managed to say. 

“No problem, Baby,” She told him, her eyes soft. She looked around the table, opening a few boxes. She grinned, finally seeing what she was looking for. She handed the box to Kuki. “Here ya go, Kuki. This one’s got fruit on it.” 

Kuki took the box, seeing the Hawaiian pizza inside. “Thank you, Abby.” 

Wally puffed out some air. “That ain’t fruit. That’s pineapple. Pineapple ain’t a fruit.” Kuki shushed him and thanked Abby again. 

Abby noticed Maurice appear in one of the doorways. It made her feel uneasy. “Well, if that’s all, Abby’s gonna step out for a bit. I’ve got some things I gotta do.” She saluted to them, starting to get up and leave. “There’s soda too, if ya need somethin’ to wash down all that pizza.” 

Hoagie looked up, watching as Abby turned to leave. “Wait! Abigail...” He scrambled off of the bench he was sitting on. “I’ll go with you.” 

Abby turned toward him, smiling. “That’s okay, Baby. You go rest up.” 

But Hoagie caught up to her. “I’d actually like to see the base. If that’s okay.” 

Her eyes brightened. “C’mon, then.” 

Hoagie examined the ships on the landing bay as he followed Abby. She was tenser than before, more on-edge, and he was going to figure out why. The smell wafted through again, that old familiar smell. His mind began to wander. He found himself lingering over one particular model, not sure if he should speak up to the engineer who was currently re-attaching a fallen wing. Right above his gaze, a girl stood on a ladder, using a wrench to tighten the bolts used to secure the metal to the frame. She spun around, her cheeks flushing. 

“Do you mind?!” she shouted, covering herself.

“S-sorry!” He practically tripped over his own feet. “I wasn’t...I was...It’s flat.” 

“Excuse me?” She heaved. 

“Gah! No! The plane! The angle of the extension on the plane is flat! It won’t glide as easy-” 

“Hoagie!” Abby’s voice shattered his bones. She moved up to him, pulling him by the hood of his jacket. “Quit droolin’.” 

“I wasn’t—-The plane!” He insisted. “I was looking at the plane.” 

“That’s what I meant,” she whispered as she let go of his hood. Hoagie scuttled up to meet her. 

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” he continued. “If I’m Number Two, Kuki is Number Three, Wally is Number Four, and you’re Number Five...” He paused for a moment to make sure she was paying attention. “Then who’s Number One?” 

Abby stopped walking. “There is no Numbuh 1,” she finally said. “Just us.” 

“Really?” Hoagie said, not really believing her. “That’s surprising.” 

“It ain’t that weird,” she defended, starting to walk again. “Sectors are assigned by region, not by Numbuh. It’s just our sector was one of the oldest, so we inherited our Numbuhs from the succession of agents before us. It goes one through twelve, and dependin’ on what’s available, you take that. But you don’t have to do it that way.” 

“So this mysterious missing Number One has absolutely nothing to do with the guy we’re after named Nigel Uno...” Hoagie smirked. “Is that what you’re telling me?” 

“You know, sometimes Abby wishes you weren’t so quick,” she confessed. “It’s gonna get you in trouble one of these days.” 

He shrugged. “I just know a plot hole where I see it. Like why that Maurice guy’s always following you around.” 

Abby sighed, letting out a pitiful smile. “That’s more like a bad subplot.” 

“It’s kind of wigging me out.” 

Abby chuckled. “Don’t worry, Baby. He’s just trying to make sure Abby don’t do somethin’ stupid.” 

The statement made Hoagie uncomfortable. “Were you planning on doing something stupid?” 

“Depends on how you look at it,” she responded, which didn’t make him feel any better. 

“Lincoln.” A stern voice called. 

Abby stiffened, seeing Vicki emerge from out of the crowd. “Sir!” Abby stood at attention. 

“At ease, soldier...” Vicki ordered, and Abby did as she was told. Vicki’s eyes darted to Hoagie, who in nervousness was also standing stiff. “You too, Gilligan. We’re not at war yet.” 

Hoagie contracted. “Sorry.” 

Vicki’s lips curved into a half smile. “Well, you’ve certainly been busy this morning. Haven’t you, Operative?” 

Abby looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry.” Although she appeared nervous, her voice remained calm throughout her speech. “I shouldn’t’ve taken off without permission.” 

“Never mind that now,” Vicki said, her tone softening. “I have more important things to worry about than your insubordination.” 

Abby shut her eyes, the words swarming her and stinging like bees. “Yes, Sir.” 

“Insubordination?” Hoagie interjected. “She saved our lives.” 

Vicki looked at him pitifully. “With all due respect, Mr. Gilligan, what Abigail did was neither beneficial to you nor to us.” She turned her nose up to him. With that, she turned from him. “Let’s go, Abigail.” 

Abby flinched. “Right.” 

As Abby began to follow Vicki, Hoagie stood in the dead silence. He swallowed, his body steaming with vexation. He didn’t really understand why what she said had made him so upset. Perhaps his brother’s irrational longing for justice was beginning to manifest in his absence. Or maybe it was his emotional investment in the situation which caused him to blindly defend the girl who saved his life. Whatever the reason, it failed to calm the turbulence inside of him. 

Then, as though a warm light broke through the storm, Hoagie felt a firm hand on his shoulder. It was strong, reassuring, confident, everything he wasn’t. He stared at Abby, who didn’t speak to him but instead continued to smile. Vicki called her to her side, more furiously than before, but even that didn’t make her flinch this time. She gave the boy a salute before making an about face towards her superior. Walking briskly, her black banded ponytail swished back and forth as she disappeared into the crowd. As Hoagie watched her go, he could finally find his breath.

“Where’s Abby going?” Kuki asked, appearing behind him. Wally wasn’t far behind. 

“I don’t know,” Hoagie admitted. “Probably a meeting of some kind.” He turned to Kuki, whose face was masked with concern. “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he assured her. He touched his neck to feel his pulse, that strong confident smile still circling around in his head. How could she be so certain when everyone else was so lost? A strange feeling began to fester in the pit of his stomach. 

Just who was this Abigail Lincoln anyway?

“That’s your plan?” Abby scoffed in disbelief. 

A holographic diagram of the earth and the G:KND’s ships sat in the middle of a round table in the center of the room. Around the table were six chairs, yet no one was sitting. 

“Well, what do you propose we do?” Vicki snapped at her. “And don’t say go find Nigel Uno, because that ship has sailed.” 

Maurice spoke next. “The G:KND doesn’t understand anything about where the children on our planet come from. It’s the one thing they won’t expect, and they won’t be able to stop unless they resort to extreme violence. Setting up a colony on Mars is our best option.” 

Another agent piped up. “Then there is the matter of the brainwashing. If we can buy enough time to build an anti-mind-control ray gun, then we can recruit other teenagers to help us.” 

Vicki shook her head. “But until then we have to rely on this ourselves. Since negotiation won’t work with the G:KND--” 

“Who says negotiation won’t work?” Abby snapped. “There’s gotta be some way we can deal with this without goin’ to war.” 

“War,” Vicki insisted back. “Is exactly what I’m trying to prevent.” 

Abby sighed. “Fine. Then as far as the mind-control is concerned, I move that we access the restricted files and pull out drive 28-B.” The room grew quiet, horrified eyes all staring at Abby. 

“Abby-” Maurice, protested. 

“28-B was destroyed,” Vicki stated. “Along with the rest of the folder.” 

“What? Why?!” 

“What’s in 28-B?” one of the agents asked. 

“That drive didn’t even belong to you!” Abby snapped. 

“Exactly!” Vicki replied, vigorously. “We cannot use information that we did not obtain through our own research. It would be immoral.” She calmed herself. “Besides, 28-B is too risky.” 

“So what’s in 28-B?” the agent asked again, now more curious than ever. 

“It’s Gilligan’s project file.” Maurice explained. “Numbuh 2 from the Sector V circa 2008.” 

“Do you have any idea what that was?” Abby heaved. 

Vicki didn’t look away from her. “I do not.” 

Abby leaned over the table, her whisper slicing through the air. “It was a recommissioning module.” 

The rest of the room gasped, even Maurice who had chosen the night they obtained Hoagie’s research not to look at it. Vicki was the only one who seemed unaffected by the news. 

“A prototype, no doubt.” 

“Yeah,” Abby said. “But a damn good one.” 

“A prototype wouldn’t do us any good, even if the information were available,” she concluded. 

Abby huffed. “Then he can build a real one.” 

“Abby, please.” 

“If he did it the first time, who’s to say he can’t do it again?” she protested. “And if we gave him access to our technology--” 

“We are not recruiting your team, Abigail,” Vicki said, bluntly. “End of discussion.” 

“Why not?” Abby slammed her fists down on the counter. 

“You know why not!” Vicki yelled. 

“They’re the best! They’re still the best! We need all the help we can get! And if Numbuh 2 can build a working recommissioning module--” 

“I don’t have time to deal with this right now!”

“But-” 

“No! You are not recruiting those teenagers--” 

“But!” 

“You are not going after Nigel! By morning, those people are going to be gone. You are going to get on that ship and you are going to Mars with us or by God, Abigail, you will lose this job! Am I understood?” Vicki heaved, her body covered in sweat. 

Abby picked herself off of the table. “Yes, Sir.” 

Vicki sighed. “I just...” her voice quivered slightly. “We can’t afford anything else going wrong. I’m sorry.” The rest of the team was quiet as Vicki recomposed herself. “So. We need a plan to get a ship past their security barrier. That’s the primary issue as of this moment.” 

Maurice eyed Abby, who was still standing upright, still enough that a butterfly could land right on her nose. The gears in her head were turning faster than they had ever gone. There were a million choices, a hundred right ones, even more wrong ones. He knew what she was thinking: What would Nigel do? That part was obvious. Abby pulled up a chair and sat down, her eyes fixated on the hologram. Maurice’s gut began to fill with dread. Abby was making up her mind, and if he didn’t do something soon, he would never be able to change it.

Maurice had snuck out of the meeting, Vicki and Abby still engaged in their silent heated debate. Kuki had gone to the bathroom to freshen up after the long day they had, and to change out of her pajamas. This left Hoagie and Wally as the only ones waiting on Abby. 

“Excuse me,” He said, approaching them. He had to do something. He had to stop all of this before it got out of hand. “Would the two of you come with me, please?” 

Wally scoffed. “And why should we?” 

“I apologize for before,” Maurice stated. “We’re in a tight spot and you being here isn’t exactly reassuring for our operatives.” Wally and Hoagie looked at each other, but reluctantly agreed to tag along, if only in fear that not obliging would land them in bigger trouble than they already were. Maurice led them down a hallway, where the number of people was significantly fewer. “We have set up accommodations for the three of you. It’s tight, but I managed to get each of you a room of your own. You may sleep here tonight, if you wish.” 

“Sweet!” Wally exclaimed. “It’s like a five-star hotel!” 

“I’m really sorry about all this,” Hoagie said. “I know it must not be easy for you to trust people outside of your organization, especially when they’re unannounced.” 

Maurice stopped walking, turning to face them. “I am going to be straight with you,” he said straightly. “Your presence here is a major threat to our mission and our fellow operatives. You must understand that we cannot allow you to wander around like rabid dogs.” 

“What did you say?!” Wally shouted, his hair sticking up on end. 

Hoagie nudged him, trying to calm him down. “We understand the situation.” 

“That being said,” Maurice’s tone lightened. “Given the current circumstances and the fact that you risked so much to get here, we are prepared to offer you a deal.” He stuffed his hands in his jacket pocket, hiding their nervous twitch. “We cannot allow Abigail Lincoln to contact the G:KND.” 

What was he talking about? Wasn’t that part of their mission? And besides that, if they couldn’t contact the Galactic Kids Next Door, then how would they ever locate Nigel Uno? He looked over at Wally, who was still steaming from the last insult. 

“You are here to rescue your younger siblings from Father. We have the capability to send one rescue team, just one mind you, to Father’s containment chambers. There is a good chance that if we catch him off guard, we may be able to save your brothers. If that were possible, then it would be no problem to manually cure your parents of their mind-control. We can set you up in a colony on Mars, where you can live the rest of your days in peace while we aim to rebuild the child population.” 

Hoagie’s jaw fell. “You can do that?” 

Maurice noticed Wally’s face harden. “In exchange, however, we ask that you prove your loyalty to us. We cannot have you leading us into a trap, you see.” There was no response from the boys. “Their mind manipulation is still fresh. There is plenty of time to save them. I can predict, no, I can assure you that if we send a team out there we will be successful.” 

“Tommy...” Hoagie felt his brother’s name slip out without him realizing it. 

“What’s the catch?” Wally sneered.

Maurice looked at them with sharp eyes. “Abigail.” Wally clenched his jaw, but Hoagie had already seen it coming. “We want you to convince her not to go after Nigel Uno. If an intergalactic war breaks out, there will be no hope for this planet or this organization. She is delusional. She is mentally ill-prepared for the mission she is trying to undertake. No matter what happens, Abigail Lincoln must not make contact with the G:KND. Do you understand?” He closed his eyes. “If you do not cooperate, we will have to take matters into our own hands. I really...really...” his voice softened, only for a moment. “Don’t want that to happen.” He sat up, regaining his composure. “You must stop her at all costs. Maybe if she hears it from you, she’ll see things differently. She’ll reconsider.” 

“From us?” Hoagie said in a daze. 

“So lemmie get this straight...” Wally said, taking a few aggressive steps toward Maurice. “You want us to betray Abby after everything she’s done for us! You want us to just leave her in the fuckin’ lurch! Is that what you’re sayin’?” 

“I’m asking you to save her life!” Maurice snapped. “If she goes through with this, she’ll be considered a rogue agent. That means that if she gets caught she’ll be decommissioned, or worse! And if she isn’t caught...” 

“Why don’t you just trust her then?” Wally didn’t understand this at all. “She might actually know what she’s doing!” 

Hoagie put a finger to his chin. “It could benefit to have a diplomatic approach to the situation. Disputes like this should be approached through many different means. They might be more forgiving than you think. Who knows, maybe if the Galactic Kids Next Door knew what was happening here, they would re-establish a sector on Earth...” 

Maurice frowned. “The G:KND is made up of Kids. They wouldn’t understand diplomacy even if we presented it to them on a cake written in frosting. They don’t...” he tried to find the right words. “Suffer under the same limitations that we do.” 

Wally hissed. “There ain’t no way I’m followin’ you freaks. No way in--” He was interrupted by a tug on his jacket as Hoagie stepped in front of him. 

“We’ll think about it,” he said, bluntly. 

Wally was shocked. “What?” He struggled to push past Hoagie, but found the boy was too big, and surprisingly strong. “Speak for yourself!” 

Hoagie ignored him. “Do you mind if we talk about this in private? It’s been a long day and we shouldn’t jump into a decision right away.” 

Maurice nodded. “Yeah, sure.” 

Hoagie pulled Wally’s coat as he screamed profanities at him all the way down the hall. They went down three different hallways until he finally found a spot where they could be alone. He let go of him, looking around for people who may walk by. 

“You’re somethin’ else!” Wally continued to berate him. “Abby risked her life to save you and your stupid little brother and you’re gonna sell her out!” 

“Shhh!” Hoagie put a finger to his lips, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Calm down. No one is selling anyone out.” 

“But you said--” 

“I was trying to buy us some time.” Hoagie rubbed his nose, his glasses lifting up over his hand for a brief second. 

“Time?” Wally stared at him incredulously. “The fuck do we need time for?” 

“Wally, think about it. Abigail is already on thin ice with the TND, otherwise Maurice wouldn’t be so worried. He cares about her. He’s trying to do everything in his power to save her, which can only mean that as far as the TND is concerned, Abigail has already gone rogue.” 

“So...” 

“So if she’s a rogue agent...what does that make us?” 

“Uhhh...” Wally started to speak, but then lost what he was going to say. He looked at Hoagie, searching for the answer in his brain. “It um...it makes us...” Wally’s head started to throb. Talking to Hoagie was exhausting. “...the bad guys?” 

“A liability,” Hoagie stated. 

This didn’t help Wally at all. “A lia-” 

“Or more accurately...” he clarified. “We’re their hostages.” 

That, Wally understood. “H-hostages?” 

“When we were in the room, did you notice the door?” Hoagie asked. There was a pause. “The doors here lock from the outside, but not the inside.” His nose scrunched. “Just like a jail cell.” 

Wally shook his head. “Wait. You think they wanna lock us up? Why would they do that? They said they were gonna help us!” 

But Hoagie shook his head. “No, they don’t give a shit about us. They only care about Abigail. They’re worried she might do something drastic, that’s my guess,” he said bluntly. “That’s why they offered to save our families. They’ll do anything to keep her from her mission and they plan to use us to get to her, whether we agree to it or not.” He bit his lip. It didn’t make sense. Were they really so afraid of the Galactic Kids Next Door that they would leave the planet in shambles? 

Wally snarled. “Why those bloody...” 

“If we comply, they’ll just use us as puppets until our usefulness has expired. If we refuse, we’ll be incarcerated. Either way, we’re completely at their mercy.” Hoagie kept his voice quiet, in case there were surveillance cameras or bugs. If there were, he knew there would be no way to avoid getting caught. It was stupid to be talking out loud this way, but Wally needed direct communication. The TND had them at gunpoint. 

The punk boy slouched, his eyebrows flat against his lids. “Damn. We’re completely cornered.” 

Hoagie sighed. “Exactly.” 

“So what’re we gonna do? We can’t just let them fuck with us!” Wally whispered. 

Hoagie put a hand to his chin, his mind turning like a crank. His brain was a steam engine, constantly moving. It was unlike anything Wally had ever seen. “We stick as close to Abigail as possible,” he finally concluded. “I don’t trust these people, and clearly they don’t trust her.” 

“Mmhmm,” Wally agreed. 

“The way I see it, we have two options. We can stick around long enough for the TND to get suspicious and suddenly change their minds or...” 

“...or?” 

“We run. And pray that we’re fast enough.” 

“You’re right,” Wally sat up with determination. “Abby’s our friend. We gotta stick by her. Even if we don’t remember.” 

But his enthusiasm was met with chilling stillness “I didn’t say that,” he spoke at the bottom of his range. There was a heaviness to Hoagie’s voice, coupled with a small tremble of fear. “The very fact that we do not remember her confirms that she is not our friend.” 

Wally’s jaw hung open. Who did this guy think he was? “You can say that after everything she’s done for us?” 

“Everything she’s done has been in her own self-interest!” Hoagie snapped. “Don’t be deceived, Wally. She saved us because she needs us for something. She didn’t do it out of the kindness of her heart!” 

Wally pouted, confused. “But...she said we used to be--” 

“Right. Used to be,” Hoagie explained. “We know nothing about her, and she knows nothing about us outside of old memories and photo albums. We may be on the same team now, but that doesn’t prove anything. We’re still complete strangers. And besides that...she isn’t giving us the whole story. There’s something else. Something she’s not telling us.” His lips curved into a pensive frown. “And I have a hunch it’s got something to do with this Nigel Uno...” 

Wally scowled. “Tch. Y’don’t have’ta be an ass about it.” 

Hoagie exhaled. “What’s important is that we stand with her. Does it really matter why we do it? The reason isn’t because of friendship or a false sense of community, it’s because it’s the right thing. If we don’t go, she’ll go alone. If she tries to go alone, she will die. I, for one, refuse to have her death on my conscience.” 

The punk boy huffed. “Now who’s actin’ on their own self-interest?” 

Hoagie was quiet for a while. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s what happens when you start to lose everything you have...” he almost whispered. 

Wally slipped his hands in his pockets. “I’m gonna go find Kuki,” he grumbled, annoyed. 

As he turned to go, Hoagie called after him. “Wally! Don’t go into any closed rooms!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Wally waved his hand without looking back, as though shooing him away. He didn’t know how he could stand being on the same team with a person like Hoagie Gilligan. Just as he thought the kid might still have some semblance of compassion, he would do things like this. All the sacrifices Abby made for him and he wouldn’t even consider her a friend. He groaned. If being smart meant that you become an asshole, Wally didn’t want to be smart anymore.

Kuki pulled up the sleeves of her new wool sweater, which were too long for her short arms. Underneath it, one of the girls had given her a cheerleader’s skirt so she didn’t have to wear her pajamas. Her hair was slicked back into a bun, something she hardly ever did. She felt better now that people wouldn’t be staring at her robe and fuzzy slippers all of the time, which were by now covered in dust and dirt from their extreme adventure. Scanning the main floor, she noticed Wally, hands in pockets, coming back. His eyes were glued to the floor. 

“Wally!” She called as she skipped over to him. “Do you like it?” Kuki spun around, letting her skirt fly around. “The girls were nice enough to lend me some clothes.” 

“That’s great.” 

Kuki tilted her head to the side. She could always tell when Wally was thinking. He wasn’t typically a thinker, more of a doer, so she knew something important must have happened. “Did you and Hoagie talk to Maurice?” 

Wally flinched. “Yeah.” 

“And?” She prodded, but Wally still wasn’t talking. “What did he say? Are they gonna help us?” 

Wally grimaced. “Tough to say.” He caught Hoagie coming behind him out of the corner of his eye, worry beginning to settle into his stomach. Worry and aggravation. 

Hoagie’s head was buried in his phone, his newly-located backpack over his shoulder. He approached Wally and Kuki with no greeting or commentary. “There’s no service down here,” was all he said. He frowned. “How are we supposed to keep in contact with each other?” 

Kuki pulled out her own phone. “There’s no internet connection either.” 

“I’m surprised we even still have working data plans with all the insanity that’s been happening,” Hoagie admitted. 

“Wait,” Kuki stopped cold. “Maybe we shouldn’t have them.” 

Wally and Hoagie froze, their eyes wide. “Are you nuts?” Wally exclaimed. 

“Kuki, we need our cell phones. How else are we going to stay connected?” 

Kuki fidgeted with her sweater, whose sleeves kept falling down. “I know. I know. But you guys found me because you traced the location of my phone. If you can do that...” 

Hoagie’s eyes widened further. “Then the TEENZ can too. All they’d need is a number.” 

Wally grit his teeth, realizing that they were right. “And if they trace us back to this place...” 

“We’re all screwed.” 

“I’m turning mine off,” Kuki said, doing so straight away. 

“Good idea,” Hoagie replied as he followed suit. Wally reluctantly took his own phone and did the same. It wasn’t going to do them much good anyway. They stood there for a while, deciding to stay in the same place so they would be easier to find when Abby came back. 

When Abby finally returned, her face was stoic. She stood at attention, as though commanding an army of thousands. Her voice was crisp. “I’m goin’ after Nigel Uno,” she said, bluntly.

Hoagie was the first to respond. “We know.” 

“This is a high-risk operation. The Earth has been quarantined, which means leavin’ the atmosphere is illegal. However, it’s somethin’ that I have to do.” She sighed. “He offered you a deal, didn’t he? Maurice.”

Wally nodded. “He did.” 

Kuki gasped. “What deal? Wally, you never said anything about--” 

“You should take it.” Abby was quiet for a while, her eyes sharp. “Take it and save the people you care about.” 

But Wally wouldn’t have any of that. “Oh, no,” he said walking right up to her. His nose was inches away from her face. “Don’t you pull that shit on us. You did all this just to find us and now you’re tellin’ us to stay behind? I don’t think so.” 

“Yeah!” Kuki chimed in. “You said you needed us.” 

“Plan’s changed,” Abby said, stiffly. “I can’t risk bringin’ you with me. You have no idea what would be at stake for you if you came.” Her voice quieted. “You’re out of the hands of the enemy. That’s what matters.” 

Wally crossed his arms. “If you think I’m gonna stay in this bunker while you go off on some wild adventure then...then you’re...just plain wrong!” 

“Abby, please let us come with you,” Kuki pleaded. 

“I said I wasn’t lettin’ you outta my sight till this whole thing was over. This sure as hell doesn’t look ‘over’ to me.” Wally took a step backwards, letting Kuki in. 

“You said we were teammates. We have to stick together. That’s what teammates do.” 

Abby looked at Hoagie, who blushed at averted his gaze from hers as he often did. “Don’t look at me,” He said. “You and I already made a deal.” He pushed up his glasses, lifting his eyebrows. 

“You’re stuck with us, Lady. So cut the shit and just tell us the plan already.” 

Abby’s sharp eyes began to soften as she looked at her team. 

Whatever happened, she knew with their help, she would make it. Maurice was wrong. Sector V wasn’t dead, it was alive and well. Memories, no memories, at this point none of that mattered. They were allies fighting for the same goal, and as long as they were willing to fight, Abby was willing to lead them. 

“Then that’s that,” Abby said, satisfied. 

Wally stepped into the cold night air, the wind slithering between the holes in his jacket and jeans. He shivered, sitting down on the curb outside of the closed PuzzleTown coffee. The parking lot was empty now, no sign of life anywhere. It was peaceful, he thought, but also quite frightening. He remembered hanging out in front of the gas station at night when there was nothing left to do. Cars would wiz by, late night patrol men would be out on watch. There was always something going on. This was nothing like those other evenings. The street was barren, like a ghost town. Everyone was inside their homes, hiding, and he couldn’t blame them. 

He pulled out a piece of paper and a tiny bag of weed. Wally opened the bag and began meticulously measuring out a sample of the grass onto the paper. There was just enough for two. He rolled the joint and pulled out the lighter. As the paper touched his lips, the end singed, and the sweet aroma encircled him. He inhaled, feeling the muscles in his back release. Perhaps if he could get himself to stop thinking about everything, he could finally get to sleep. 

Footsteps were heard behind him. Wally didn’t turn around to look at who it was. A girl appeared around his shoulder, sitting next to him along the curb. Her red hat caught on the corner of his eye. Wally wasn’t surprised to see Abby, but he wasn’t thrilled about her presence either. She didn’t say anything or even make a face. It seemed she was out there for the exact same reason he was.

“Nice night,” Wally finally broke the silence. 

“I suppose,” was her simple response. 

Wally looked her up and down, trying to read her expression. “Don’t you want a jacket or nothin’?” 

Abby held her hands under her knees. She was still wearing her mid-drift top and shorts, her skin riddled with goosebumps. Still, she didn’t shiver as Wally did. “Nah. The chill is nice. Keeps me alert.” 

Wally inhaled again, blowing out a stream of smoke from his lips. “So, what now?” 

“Whadduya mean?” 

“Are we really going to space?” Wally asked, sincerely. “I mean, really?” 

Abby shrugged. “That’s the plan.” 

“Well then,” Wally smirked. “I bettah finish this off. Can’t smoke in space.” 

That made Abby chuckle. “No. Guess you can’t.” 

“Too bad,” Wally examined the piece of rolled up paper between his fingers. “It’s gotta be stressful up there.” Even though Abby didn’t move, Wally could tell that she was discomforted by his statement. “You smoke?” 

“No, never,” Abby replied honestly. “None of us do. Or at least, we ain’t supposed to. We’re always on duty so we always have’ta be in our right minds.” 

The joint moved up and down between Wally’s fingers as he wiggled them. “Your right mind, huh?” Ashes from the paper fell to the pavement. Wally watched them with a dazed look in his eye. “Well, nobody ever thought my mind was very special. So nobody cares what I do with it. Guess for you it’s different.” Abby couldn’t find the words to say before Wally started to speak again. “And who’s to say what’s the right mind, anyway? It ain’t so easy as right and wrong or high and sober. We’re fucked up as it is. We don’t need bloody Adults tellin’ us which way is up, and which way is down. Our brains may be fried, but we still got em’, you know?” 

“I guess you got a point.” 

“Followin’ a stranger you ain’t never met before into space to stop some crazy loon from destroyin’ the planet, most people would call that bloke outta their mind. No sane person would do a bloody thing like that.” He grinned. “Yet, here we are.” 

“Here we are,” Abby agreed. 

Wally inhaled, holding the joint out to Abby. She mindlessly took it, clasping the paper between her lips and breathing in. The smoke caught in her lungs and she immediately coughed whatever she had just inhaled back up. 

“Ugh!” she coughed again, her eyes watering. “That’s nasty.” 

“Ya get used to it,” Wally shrugged, taking back the joint. He watched as she flashed him a smile. Wally felt a warm ember burning in his heart. Somehow, being with Abby felt right to him. Him being a part of her life, and her being a part of his, was the way it was supposed to be. He didn’t need a list of reasons or a million provisions on their goals and aspirations. He just knew it. “So, what’s your story?” 

The question caught Abby off guard. “I already told ya--” 

“Not that,” the boy shook his head. “Your real story.” 

But Abby just stared at him. 

“What do ya like? What are your hobbies? Do you like music? Do you like surfin’ the internet for cat videos?” Abby laughed as he went on. “I’m serious. If we’re gonna be travelin’ together, I wanna know who it is we’re dealin’ with here.” He cleared his throat, dropping the bud to the cement and snuffing the flame out with his foot. “Here, I’ll start. I’m Wallabee Beetles. My parents moved here from Australia when they first got married, but I was born an’ raised in Cleveland. My favorite band is Cradle of Filth. Okay. Your turn.” 

Abby scrunched her eyebrows. “Cradle of Filth?” 

“They’re English. Hard core. You’d like’em, I think.” 

“Oh,” Abby tried not to think about it too hard. “Well, my Mama was born in Quebec, but she moved to the States when she married my Daddy. He’s a doctor and she’s a fashion consultant for a major magazine.” 

“Whoa!” Wally sat up, excited. “That’s fuckin’ sick! See? I would never’a guessed that!” 

“Oui,” Abby tightened her lips as she thought. “Je parle deux langues. I dunno many bands. I just kinda listen to whatever. But I know what I like when I hear it.” 

“You like the Beatles?” 

“Yeah. They’re cool.” 

“I don’t get’m.” 

“That’s really ironic.” 

“Yeah.” There was a long pause until Wally finally continued the conversation. “Abby.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I ask you somethin’?” 

“Sure.” 

“Say,” he started, losing his footing halfway through. “They didn’t get rid of the Kids Next Door.” 

Abby took a double take. “Huh?” 

“What if everythin’ was just...I mean...” He placed a palm to his head, trying to get the words out. “If there was still a Kids Next Door, it would be business as usual for ya, right?” 

Tilting her head up, Abby tried to follow where Wally was going with this. Although, she was completely lost. “Right.” 

“So what would happen?” he asked. “To you? You’d graduate high school and then...what? I mean, what would you do with your life?” 

Abby silently looked at him. “It ain’t productive to deal in ‘what ifs’,” she said, as though reciting a line that had been fed to her. 

“So in other words, you don’t know,” Wally said, teasingly. 

“Why do you even wanna know somethin’ like that?” Abby asked. “It won’t do any of us any good.” 

“Cause you gotta have dreams, Abby!” Wally defended. “Everybody’s got dreams!” 

Abby sighed. “The path we’re walkin’ down is a dead end,” she whispered. Wally asked her to repeat what she said, but she knew that wouldn’t satisfy him. “After high school, agents are put through another entrance exam. If you pass, you get to keep yo’ memories as an Adult. You continue espionage at whatever college they send you to, no matter where that might be. They try to send you as far away as possible, so you don’t run into...” she paused, her throat tightening up before she could speak. “They don’t care what you do in school so long as you keep up in social circles and don’t lose sight of the mission. In the end, if you’re a TND agent, the future is pretty much set in stone.” 

“Not much room for dreamin’ I guess,” Wally responded. 

“Abby’s dream is the same as it always was. The Kids Next Door. It’s everything. Nothing is more important to me than this organization...” she clenched her jaw and looked away from Wally. “Nothing.” 

As the night became darker and the stars twinkled above their heads, Wally and Abby reflected on those final words. She couldn’t mean that, Wally insisted to himself. If that were true, she wouldn’t be abandoning the TND’s mission. She would stand by them no matter what, wouldn’t she? 

But as Abby pondered those same words, different thoughts swarmed around in her head: dedication to Nigel Uno and her former teammates, respect for her fellow TND agents and guilt for leaving them behind. However different their opinions, their goal was still the same: To save the Kids Next Door on Earth, to bring hope to the children of this world. That was her reason for existing. If there was a path that lead to a freer world, that was the one she was going to choose. No matter what the cost, she knew that the only way to truly save the world, was to save Nigel. 

Nigel was the reason she could bear to abandon the TND. Nigel was the one who would lead them to justice. Nigel Uno, the one person who she still believed in, despite everything that happened. She knew deep in her heart that everything would be alright. She smiled to herself, trying not to let Wally see. Unlike her, Nigel was still a kid at heart. He didn’t live with the suffering of Adulthood to cloud his judgement with hormonal mood swings and false logical assumptions. He was a child, blessed with eternal youth and wisdom. Not all the wisdom of the TND could match that, no matter how hard they tried. 

END TRANSMISSION


	5. G.R.O.U.N.D.E.D.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Escaping the TND Base through a secret underground tunnel, the four discover refugees hiding down there. Amongst them is a familiar face who brings up uncomfortable memories for Hoagie.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: G.R.O.U.N.D.E.D.

Group  
Roves  
Overt  
Underground  
Nook  
Daringly  
Evading  
Discovery 

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by  
Tom Warburton and Cartoon Network 

Episode 5

April 1st, 2015 

When the base had shut down all activity, securely closing off all of its doors and windows with the highest-grade security measures, the newly formed Sector V made their getaway. Abby knew that being outside the building during lockdown would confirm her suspicious intentions. They would never allow her to be out of their sight. However, this was the digital age and their generation had one major hamartia. Abigail and her team were able to slip by security, relatively unnoticed, for it was assumed that the technology of the base was far too superior to allow for an escape. Truthfully, if they were trying to get out, this would have probably been the case. But Abby knew that where there are teenagers, there were slackers. Slackers were amazingly smarter than everyone else on the base. 

Close to the flight deck, there was a bathroom which hardly anyone ever used. It was the smallest of any on the floor and most didn’t even know it existed. This bathroom was the home of an escape route devised by bored TND agents who were put on duty at slow times to travel to the arcade or sneak illegal substances such as alcohol into the base. Abby knew that part of the rules of the TND included no substances that would hinder their judgement. She also knew that teenagers hardly ever followed the rules. Sure enough, after years of existence, this secret still remained unknown by the base’s leaders. And today, that secret would be their sanctuary. 

The group didn’t ask many questions until they actually got through into the metal tunnel, which opened up into a dirt tunnel. When they were finally out of ear shot, Hoagie shone his flashlight around, checking to be sure there were no cave ins. 

“Another Kids Next Door thing?” Wally asked. 

“There used’ta be a secret labor camp in this area. Adults would trick kids into workin’ for the amusement park for free rides, kids who wanted to run away to the circus but didn’t have talent or skill,” Abby explained. “The kids created an underground escape tunnel called where they would go to slack off. When the new Rainbow Monkey Funland park opened, this park closed n’ the camp was forgotten. The tunnel’s still here, though.” 

“That’s terrible,” Kuki gasped. 

“The Kids Next Door really had their work cut out for them,” Hoagie agreed. “I didn’t realize how involved all of this was.”

“There’s stuff like this all over,” she said, simply. “You just don’t hear it in the news.” 

They continued to walk, stopping for short breaks. Abby had kept a few weapons that she stashed in a pack before the ambush, which she got back from Maurice after they had been confiscated. She passed them out to her teammates, vaguely explaining how they worked. Having them on her made her nostalgic as they were much smaller than she had remembered. A few miles into the walk, however, her team was becoming less composed. Hoagie hung back, carrying the flashlight. Wally was particularly confused about his G.U.M.Z.O.O.K.A., refusing to believe that shooting candy at a target was sufficient protection. 

KIDS NEXT DOOR: G.U.M.Z.O.O.K.A. 

Gumball  
Utilizing  
Mechanism  
Zings  
Overabundance  
Of  
Kandy  
Around

“Ugh...” Kuki complained. “We’ve been walking for hours!” 

Wally leaned over the side of the cave, his stomach aching. “Maybe if we stopped and got some food...” He looked at his gun, shooting off a ball onto the ground. He picked up the gum ball, dusting it off, his lips smacking. 

“We can’t stop,” Abby reminded him. “If the TND find us, that’s it. We’re done.” She peered back. “And don’t eat the ammo!” 

Wally frowned, the ball in his mouth. “But I’m hungry!” he whined, extending the word ‘hungry’ to prove his point. 

“We’re going to have to stop eventually,” Hoagie said. “We’ll need to replenish our energy.” 

“Yeah,” Wally agreed. “I need real food.” 

“We’ll stop when we need to,” Abby stated. She threw him a bottle of water she had packed. “This’ll tide you over till then. Hopefully we’ll get where we’re goin’ before we have to stop.” There was a long pause before the conversation started again. 

“So, Abby.” Kuki leaned over with a grin. “Is that cute boy we met at the base your boyfriend?” 

Abby halted. She didn’t say anything as she heard Hoagie chuckling behind her. “No,” came her direct response. 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked. “Girlfriend?” 

“Nope,” Abby said again. She looked at the girl flushing behind her. “Why? You interested?” she asked with a cocky smile. 

Kuki turned to Wally, her face glowing with excitement. “Yes!” 

Wally didn’t look up at her. “No,” he said simply. Kuki sunk down in slight disappointment. 

“No...” she repeated, reluctantly. 

Abby sighed, shaking her head. “Things’re too complicated right now as it is. The last thing Abby needs to deal with is Maurice.” She said his name with annoyance and reverence, something that the others picked up on quite quickly. 

Wally smirked. “He sure likes you, though.” 

Abby scoffed. “Yeah, well, that ain’t my problem.” 

“At least you’re aware of it,” Hoagie added. 

Abby heard a squeal behind her and stiffened like a board. Her jaw clenched as Kuki began to hop excitedly. “So you do like him!” 

The girl with the red hat scowled. “Not particularly at the moment,” she grumbled. 

“Maurice and Abigail have a strained history,” Hoagie piped up. “He’s a-- How did you describe it? Oh yeah.” He cocked an eyebrow, putting his pointer finger on his cheek. “A bad subplot?” 

Abby started walking again. The others followed. 

“I love subplots!” Kuki insisted. Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she went off in a daze. “Especially romantic ones! Two lovers meet and at first they hate each other but they soon realize that their hate is actually love!” 

“It ain’t that kind of subplot!” Abby snapped. “Maurice is...” She shook her head. “Ugh. Never mind.” 

“No!” Kuki pleaded. “Tell me!” 

“Yeah, Abigail,” Hoagie joined in. “We need some evidence that you’re actually human.” 

“Please!” Kuki begged further. “Please please please please please-” 

“It’ll make ya feel better to get it off your chest,” Wally coaxed. 

Abby grit her teeth trying to breathe. She supposed they would just keep pestering her until she told them. “He’s...” she groaned. “My sista’s ex.” 

Kuki gasped. “What?!” 

“Didn’t see that comin’,” Wally added. 

Hoagie raised his brow higher. “I didn’t know you had a sister.” 

Abby stared at him incredulously for as long as she could without tripping. “...Cree?” She asked. The boy’s face remained blank. “You don’t remember Cree?” 

“Uh, no?” Hoagie both said and asked. 

She leaned back, a small smile appearing on her face. “Huh. Maybe there’s a benefit to decommissioning after all,” she whispered to herself. 

“In love with your sistah’s ex-boyfriend,” Wally sucked in as much air as he could through his teeth. “Now that’s awkward.” 

“And so dramatic!” Kuki squealed. “Both of you harboring feelings for the same man! Flesh and blood torn apart by love!” 

“Love ain’t got nothin’ to do with it,” Abby said. 

But Kuki only kept upping the drama. “But he’s the only one you’ve ever had eyes for, right?! The only one who makes your spirit soar!” Tears started to tickle her eyes as she got caught up in her own story. “And when you think about him, he’s the only one you can see in your dreams! The only one you can see spending the rest of your life with!” 

Abby swallowed, her voice dropping to its lowest register. A gentle heat came out of her cheeks. “No. Not exactly,” she confessed. There was a long, silent pause before tunnel started to burst with a cacophony of excitement. 

“No way! You like someone else?!” Kuki grinned. 

Abby’s nostrils flared. “N-no! Abby didn’t say that!” The heat was now reaching for her ears. 

“You implied it,” Hoagie remarked, trying to hide his own growing interest. “And it’s all over your face.” 

“Shut up!” Abby screamed at him. “It’s because all y’all are houndin’ Abby! It don’t mean she’s in love!” 

“Who is it?” Even Wally was curious now. “At least give us a hint!” 

“No!” the embarrassed teen shouted. “I mean, it’s nobody! Abby ain’t in love with nobody!” 

“Oh, come on! We won’t tell anyone!” Kuki assured her. “Everyone in the world has been brainwashed! So your secret’s totally safe!” 

Abby snarled. “This is ridiculous. Father has made children illegal and all you nut-jobs care about is Abby’s love life!” 

It quiet for a moment. 

“Well, duh,” Kuki finally broke the silence. 

“We’re Teenagers,” Wally said. 

“What else are we gonna talk about?” Hoagie added.

Abby walked briskly ahead. 

Maurice sprinted down the hall, narrowly avoiding the troves of TND agents who were filing onto the massive ship they had prepared for their expedition. He knew this would happen. He knew there was nothing he could do to stop her. But even still, when he awoke that morning to find that Abigail Lincoln had left, part of him still couldn’t believe it. Was her team really so loyal that they would abandon their families on a chance? Maurice shook his head as he turned the corner. No. She must have bribed them somehow. That or convinced them not to trust the TND. But Abby wouldn’t do that, he insisted to himself. She may have been headstrong, but underhanded? Never. At least, that’s what he wanted to believe. 

He burst through the doors of the conference room, his commander, Vicki, looking over some documents before their takeoff. 

“Sir!” He said, out of breath. “Abigail is-” 

“Yes.” She kept her eyes down at the page. “I know.”

“What do we do? If we don’t go after her, she’ll--” 

“She’ll what?” Vicki dropped the papers, her eyes staring sharply at Maurice. “What can she do? I checked the inventory, she has little weaponry and hasn’t commandeered a ship. The odds of Abigail actually breaking the atmosphere without our assistance is little.” 

Maurice sighed. “We should still send a team to go after her.” 

Vicki thought about this. “Has Abby told her new teammates who they really are?” she asked, simply. “As former members of the Kids Next Door?” 

Maurice hunched his shoulders. “I don’t believe so.” 

“I see,” she picked up the paper again. “According to the TND regulatory procedure, so long as she does not reveal their identities, she is not in violation of contract. Therefore, we cannot act with force.” 

“But what if she reaches Nigel?” 

Vicki laughed. “Reaches Nigel? She’ll be lucky if she makes it ten miles away from the base.” 

But Maurice was still uncertain. “With all due respect, Sir,” he started. “Abby is no ordinary Kids Next Door agent. She managed to save three teenagers with no fighting experience, lead them to Sector V, and help them escape our base. She is an expert in command and on the field. If anyone can break through the Galactic Kids Next Door’s protective barriers, it’s her.” 

“Are you concerned?” 

Maurice paused, his words caught in his throat. “Aren’t you?” He was frightened. At this rate, Abby was following the same path as her sister, Cree, something that Maurice had gone through extra lengths to make sure wouldn’t happen. 

She sighed. “I refuse to stress about something before it becomes a problem. If your suspicions are correct and Abigail does break through the barrier, then we will take care of it. Until then, there is no point in making more enemies when we’re already on the losing team.” She looked at Maurice again, who still looked worried. “I will keep an eye on her. I want you to focus on your work here. Okay, Soldier?” 

Maurice gulped. He was happy that Abby was being given a chance at redemption, but still something ate away at him. This wasn’t over. He knew it from the look in Vicki’s eyes. As soon as Abby stepped one more toe out of line, she would be waiting. 

“Yes Sir!” he saluted before walking out of the room. 

Abby, he thought. What the hell are you doing? 

Hoagie halted, his big ears extending to catch a sound in the tunnel. “Abigail-” 

“Abby ain’t listenin’ to you no more,” came a harsh reply, nearly five feet ahead of the others. 

“No. Stop for a sec. I think I hear something.” The footsteps slowed to a stop. Sure enough, there was a soft patter coming from the opposite direction. 

“I hear it too,” Kuki said. 

Abby squinted her eyes. This wasn’t good. “Hoagie turn out the light.” He did this. “Nobody move.” She pulled out her S.C.A.M.P.P. which was slung around her shoulder. She motioned the others to the corner, a move that they could barely see in the darkness. Sure enough, a light started to flicker in the distance.

KIDS NEXT DOOR: S.C.A.M.P.P.

Soup  
Can  
And  
Magnified  
Proton  
Plhaser

They held their breath as they watched the light sway back and forth, scanning the walls. Abby held the S.C.A.M.P.P. positioned right at the light. She could get a good shot if she caught them by surprise. 

“Alright,” she whispered. “We wait till they’re in full view, then attack.” 

“With what?” Wally berated, holding up his G.U.M.Z.O.O.K.A. “Cavities?” 

Abby didn’t say anything, focused on the mission ahead. 

“Stupid gum ball gun,” he grumbled to himself. “I thought we were gonna get real weapons.” Abby shushed him. 

The footsteps grew louder, then faster, the light getting brighter as the figure began racing toward them. Abby gave the signal to attack, the teens running full force at the enemy with no idea what to do or now to even fire their weapons. However, the footsteps soon slowed down again as the flashlight shone on Sector V’s muddy faces. Hoagie squinted, the light flashing right in his eyes. Through the light, however, he could also see a girl. She was short with bright red hair, which frizzed all the way out to her shoulders. Her face was peppered with freckles over her rosy cheeks. He scrunched his eyes, praying they were deceiving him. “Fanny?” 

Hoagie turned on his flashlight as the mystery girl lowered hers. 

She huffed. “Oh great,” she said, her Scottish brogue coming through and smacking him in the face. “It’s you.” Her eyes scanned Hoagie up and down, him returning her gaze with a sigh of relief and irritation. 

Hoagie hung his head, still in shock. “Please tell me this is a joke.” 

“Hey Einstein,” Wally peaked from around Hoagie. “You know this crazy person?” 

Hoagie scratched his neck. “Unfortunately.” 

“Crazy person?” Fanny marched right up to Wally, her nose right in her face. “Just who’re you calling crazy?! You with your messy blonde hair and your black clothes and your...” A blush tickled Fanny’s cheeks as she got a closer look at Wally. “Beautiful...steely grey eyes...” 

Hoagie rolled his own eyes. “Okay, God. You can kill me now. Take me. I’m yours.” 

Kuki stepped up, a large grin on her face, clearly to hide her frustration with the situation. “Hi!” she announced cheerfully. “I’m Kuki! I’m--” 

Fanny gasped. “The McClintock Charger!” she squealed. 

“I...” Kuki blushed deeper. “Yeah! I mean-” She couldn’t hide the big goofy grin on her face. No matter how many times people recognized her, it always felt good to be appreciated. “Yep. That’s me.” 

Abby hung back, watching the exchange. She didn’t say anything but rather let Fanny approach. Fanny was on Abby’s softball team before she quit to do theatre design work, before she quit that to pursue fencing, and so on. Currently, she was on the debate team, which Abby was surprised they even let her into considering her extreme temper. Still, Abby remembered her best as Numbuh 86 from the Kids Next Door Moon Base. 

When she caught Abby’s eyes, she recognized her immediately. “And Abigail Lincoln?” Abby went to go say hi but was interrupted by the swift sound of Fanny’s foot rocketing into Hoagie’s shin. 

“Ow!” 

“What are you doin’ here with her?!!” She snapped. 

Hoagie scowled. “None of your business!” 

“Wait,” She turned around, looking at the four, counting them, studying them. “You’re all here...together?” 

Wally shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Fanny was quiet, something Hoagie swore he had never seen before. However, that moment of silence did not last long. “You’ve been up top, then?” 

Kuki shook her head. “Not since yesterday.” 

“Haven’t myself,” Fanny explained. “Not since the whole thing started. Barely had a wink’a sleep, which isn’t a shock, considerin’. I’ve heard things.” 

“What kinda things?” Abby asked. 

“Well, they’re not great I can tell ya that,” was her vague answer. 

Suddenly, another shadow started to loom around the corner. Sector V retook their defensive positions but froze when they saw a group of young children following behind, nervously wringing their hands. 

“What are ya doin’?” She told them, her voice softer than usual. “I told ya to stay behind till I came back for ya, didn’t I?” She approached them, shooing them back. “I’ll be down in a moment. We’re almost to Sanctuary. Just a few more miles.” The kids nodded, a few of them complaining that they were hungry and tired. She leaned against the dirt wall, the bags under her eyes becoming more visible. “Came across em’ in a dumpster. Thought it wouldn’t be right just to leave em alone.” 

Hoagie smirked. “Gee, Fanny. That’s almost nice of you.” 

“We have no idea where the bloody hell we’re goin’,” Wally added snarkily. “Where’s this Sanctuary place? That sounds safe.” 

Abby shook her head. “We ain’t lookin’ for safe,” she reminded him. “We’re on a mission.” 

Hoagie peered at the kids, scanning them through. “Are the boys with you?” 

Fanny shook her head. “Patty got Shaunnie to some kinda refuge. I wanted to make the trip in one go, but we gotta go up for supplies soon. They can’t hold out much longer.” 

“Yeah, us too,” he admitted. 

But Fanny jeered. “You? You don’t need food. You’re a walkin’ phospholipid.” She chortled in his face for a while before Hoagie brushed past her. “Where’s Tommy?” Hoagie ignored her. “Did you lose him again? Or did you offer him up as a sacrifice t’save yer own arse?” 

Hoagie spun around on his heels, his face fuming. “Oh you--” But Abby managed to get between them, pushing him back from her. 

“Easy,” she whispered. Fanny smirked as she walked by him, enjoying his provocation. “She’s just tryin’ to provoke you.” 

“Tch.” He cooled down, pushing up his glasses. 

“You got any idea where we are?” Abby called back to Fanny, who was meeting up with her kids. 

“Bout three miles north’a McClintock,” Fanny said. “Not sure what’s around. My phone died ‘bout an hour ago.” 

Kuki peered over, scanning the mass of children. “Um, excuse me,” she said, approaching Fanny, her hands folded at her chest almost in prayer. “You didn’t happen to find a little Japanese girl with pigtails when you were up there, did you?” 

Fanny lifted her brows apologetically. “I’m sorry. I didn’t.” 

Kuki sunk a little before forcing herself back up. “Oh.”

Wally put a supportive hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Kuki. That girl’s tough as nails. Just like her sister. I’m sure she’s fine.” 

Kuki wiped a single tear from her eye. “Yeah. I guess we just have to keep faith.” 

“Exactly!”

Though in his head, he was really thinking that he was glad they hadn’t found Mushi yet. 

After the girls went on ahead to discuss the plan to find food for everyone, an annoyed Hoagie and exhausted Wally returned to the wall where the light was placed. Wally found himself drifting Hoagie’s way more and more, despite the fact that their last encounter had not left the best of impressions on him. Perhaps it was just the comfort of having another guy around, but Wally found it strangely calm to be by Hoagie’s side. He was different than Kuki, who was a bundle of raw energy and enthusiasm. And while Abby’s point-blank and sometimes blunt approach to things was admirable, it could be draining to be around someone who appeared so sure of themselves. Hoagie’s doubt actually made him more approachable for that reason. 

“I dunno what Kuki’s freakin’ out about,” Wally said, pulling out a cigarette and sticking it between his teeth. “Mushi’s a fuckin’ ninja.” 

Hoagie nodded. “No kidding.” 

Wally chortled. “I feel bad for whoever crossed her path durin’ all this.” He pulled out his lighter, cindering the ned of the role. “It’s hard enough just datin’ her sister.” 

“I can imagine.” The right side of his lips curved up. “But hey, she’ll never hate anyone as much as she hates me. So you’ve got that in your favor.” 

Wally scrunched his nose. “Mushi?” 

Hoagie’s face twisted into a full-on smile. “Yeah. I mean, it’s not that uncommon for people to...” he trailed off before he finished his sentence, picking up with a new one. Wally hated it when people did that. “But Mushi, I swear she has this personal vendetta against me. When we had company picnics and dinner parties, she would always target me for her pranks, never my brother or any other kids. I have no idea why.” 

Wally shrugged. “She probably had a crush on you.” 

That made Hoagie laugh out loud, but he responded with a predictable: “Probably.” 

“So,” Wally jumped topics. “What’s the deal with you’n Ginger bread?” 

Hoagie’s face darkened. “A tale told by an idiot. Full of sound and fury signifying nothing,” he almost whispered. 

Wally blinked. “H-huh?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Wally leaned against the wall. “What? She reject you or somethin’?” 

“Ha!” Hoagie’s loud outburst caught Wally by surprise, the cigarette almost falling out of his mouth. “Not even close! Fanny practically begged me to go out with her!” 

“YOU TWO DATED??” A loud screech came echoing through the tunnel. Kuki’s face was flushed, her hands pressing her cheeks together in shock as she squealed with glee. 

Hoagie crossed his arms. “Yeah, for like, two seconds in middle school.” His nonchalant attitude was suddenly replaced with fear as he saw a red fireball racing towards him. He gulped as it howled in anger. A foot swung, jamming right into his kneecap. Hoagie collapsed in pain. “Fucking...” 

“Not even that!” Wham! She kicked him again. 

“Eek!” Kuki squeaked in excitement to Abby, who was too shocked to say anything. “Drama!” 

“Du farkirtst mir di yorn...” Hoagie grumbled through his teeth. 

“I hardly even remember it!” Fanny declared. “So there!” 

Hoagie stood to his feet. “I remember. Once you’ve been through Hell, it’s impossible to forget.” 

Wally nudged Hoagie. “Did you guys, you know, do the deed?” 

Hoagie glared at him. “Middle School.” 

Wally’s expression didn’t change. “Yeah.”

“As far as I’m concerned, it never happened.” Fanny crossed her arms as she turned away from Hoagie and began walking. 

“Ugh!” Hoagie walked after her. “You’re always like this! Why can’t you just admit that it did happen and then move on?” 

“Because!” Fanny snapped, turning back around. “Then I’d have to say that I kissed the biggest loser in school! And not even on a dare! Do you have any idea what it’s like to kiss you?” 

“No, but I know what it’s like to kiss you and let me tell ya, Toots, it ain’t lickin’ honey.” 

“Toots?!” 

Hoagie and Fanny were now nose-to-nose, spitting arguments back and forth at each other at rapid speed. Abby tried a couple of times to break them up but had very little success. Wally went back to Kuki, who was enjoying the insult throwing game.

“Wow,” Kuki said. “I could totally see them dating.” 

Wally crossed his arms. “Kuki, they hate each other.” 

But Kuki just smiled. “Hate...love...Is there really a difference?” 

Hoagie finally took a step back. “Why don’t you just help us get to a grocery store and then leave me the fuck alone?” 

“How do’I know yer not gonna eat everything?” she derided. 

Hoagie flushed. “I’m done with you.” 

“Good!” she snapped. “I’m done with you!” 

“Fine.” 

“Fine!” 

“Fine!” 

“FINE!” 

“Fine.”

“So. You n’ Fanny?” Abby asked. Steam was still coming out of Hoagie’s ears. He could tell that she was just trying to get revenge for his earlier teasing. “That must’ve been somethin’.” 

The group had decided to backtrack to the nearest entrance to the street, which was another ten-minute walk in the direction they came, and where Fanny’s group was headed. However, Hoagie was more comfortable now that there were more of them. There was power in numbers, and Fanny counted for about ten people when it came to sheer force. 

Hoagie pushed up his glasses. “It was something, alright. Something I would rather forget.” 

“Sounds that way.” There was a pause, then something he wasn’t expecting. “You don’t have to tell me about it. Though, I can’t say I ain’t intrigued.” 

Hoagie relaxed. The others were far ahead of them, almost as though they were racing. Fanny was walking so fast, it was like she was walking a mile to the toilet. “It’s a classic story,” he said without thinking. “She was in my science class and we had to pick lab partners. Of course we were the only ones left by the end of it. She spent the entire time complaining that she was stuck with a ‘boy’ because boys were lazy or horny or something. Anyway, we got assigned to do this project together. Sexual tension rose, hormones kicked in, and pretty soon we were all over each other. Simple as that.” 

Abby smiled. “That all? Shoot. I was expectin’ something a little more exciting from Hell.” 

Hoagie let out a tiny laugh. “Naturally, we thought it was true love, though she’ll never admit it. She didn’t want to be seen with me in public. She ran me like a dog, walking her to class, cutting the crust off of her sandwiches...” 

“Like any loving relationship,” she teased. 

“if I did something she didn’t like, she’d smack me around until I never had the thought to do such an unthinkable thing again. Eventually, I got fed up with it, but didn’t really have the guts to break up with her right then.” He paused. “I finally had a girl who liked me. I wasn’t about to throw it away. I mean, what other girl would want to go out with me?” He gave a half-hearted smile, as if to relish in his own incompetence. “Eventually, I was able to break up with her and she didn’t take it well. Dating the biggest loser in school is one thing, being dumped by him...” He shook his head. “I can see why she hates me.” 

Why was he even telling her this? Maybe he was looking for sympathy? That made Hoagie feel even worse. Self-deprecation to dig for compliments from the popular girl. How despicable could you get? 

But Abby didn’t compliment him. “That’s pretty arrogant.” 

“Huh?” Hoagie didn’t understand. “Arrogant?” 

“Callin’ yourself the biggest loser in school. It ain’t like you met all the losers or knew even half of ‘em from the sound of it. Somebody there had to be way worse.” Her eyes remained forward. 

Hoagie was stunned. He started to say something back, but she kept going. 

“Abby never thinks about the biggest this, or the best that. The world don’t work that way. You’re you, n’ they’re them. Like you said. It’s simple as that.” 

Hoagie smiled smugly. “I seem to remember you saying something about your team being the best.” 

Abby grinned. “I’m biased.” 

“Hey!” A shrill voice came from the front. “Move yer arse, Gilligan! I have to pee.” 

Hoagie’s face softened, a genuine smile returning to it. “She never changes.” 

“Nope,” Abby agreed. Hoagie stiffened, realizing that she had heard him. “You’n Fanny never got along, and it don’t look like you ever will.” 

Hoagie grunted. “How do you know the Bull-Butt anyway?” He stopped himself. “Wait. Don’t tell me...” 

“Numbuh 86,” she whispered. 

“Great. That’s just perfect.” 

“She used to work in the Moon Base. Got rejected for the promotion ‘cause of her anger management issues. Now she only knows me through the softball team.” Abby explained. “It’s nothin’ on you. She’s always been this way.” They looked up toward the front, Fanny now leading them up further and further back into the danger zone. She giggled, continuing to flirt with Wally, much to Kuki’s frustration. 

Hoagie was quiet for a moment. “So we knew each other back then too, huh?” His eyes softened as he looked at the frizzy hair of the girl ahead of him. It was strange to think that he could have met any of the people from his life in the past, before his memories cut out. It had been an entire day, and he still couldn’t process all that was happening. Seeing Fanny, at least there was some familiarity in that. 

“What?” Wally snapped, his face falling and crashing into the dirt. “I gotta stay here with the crazy lady?!” 

Abby swung her S.C.A.M.P.P. over her shoulder, dusting her hands off. They had finally located the entrance to the surface. “We can’t take everyone or else we’ll draw too much attention. You and Hoagie are the only ones who have had direct contact with the TEENZ, besides me. You need more trainin’ before you can fight out in the field alone and I ain’t capable of keepin’ track of all of you.” She turned to Kuki. “That means this’ll be a girl’s mission.” 

“Wait!” Wally protested, causing Fanny to blush with anger. “She’s a girl, ain’t she?” 

“You think I wanna stay here with a bunch of stoopid boys?’’ Fanny stood. “I’d rather puke!” 

Hoagie looked back at Abby. “No. She’s right. Take her. Far away.” 

“Can’t,” Abby stated. “Fanny’s got the kids.” 

Hoagie slunk down. “Right.” 

But Wally shot up. “Pfft. We can watch ‘em!” 

“...You can?” Abby didn’t really believe him. 

“Sure we can!” His mouth twisted up into a smirk. “Right, Ruben?” 

Hoagie ignored Wally’s terrible attempt at a nickname. “Uh, I guess so?” 

“Ha!” Fanny flung her head back. “Boys? Take care of little kids! You couldn’t even take care of yer own kin!” 

“Please, Fanny,” Hoagie scoffed. “You seriously wanna be stuck down here with us for hours?” 

“Not with you...” Her eyes wandered over to Wally, who hid himself in his hoodie. 

“No! Wait!” Kuki interrupted. “Wally’s right! Uh...you should totally come with us!” 

“Excuse me?” Abby exclaimed. She did not want to bring Fanny along. She would most likely drag them down. 

“Yeah!” Kuki started to ramble without thinking. “It’s, uh, a girl’s mission! Yeah. We can’t carry all the supplies we need ourselves.” She looked at Abby pleadingly, who immediately got why Kuki wanted Fanny to come. “Please, Abby. We could use as much help as we can get right now.” 

Abby sighed, her attention moving back to the boys. “You sure you can handle them?” 

“Fuck yeah!” 

“Sure thing!” 

“Anything you say!” 

“We totally got this!” 

The boys anxiously gave their testimony, neither one of them wanting Fanny to stay for their own reasons. Abby agreed, and the three girls headed up through the street to the surface. 

“Phew!” Wally said, leaning back. “That was a close one.” He sank down, slipping his headphones over his ears. 

Hoagie, however, was having second thoughts. “Do you really think it was okay for them to take Fanny?” 

“Relax,” Wally brushed him off. “It’s better than seein’ her googly eyes all day.” 

Hoagie sighed. “I guess.” 

“Trust me. Takin’ care’a kids is a piece of cake. I watch my baby brother all the time.” 

“Wally. That’s just one kid. We’re talking at least two, four, six...” 

“It’ll be fine,” Wally assured him. “There’s two’a us big Adults and they’re tiny. It’ll be easy.” 

Suddenly, Hoagie and Wally looked up to see a little girl, no older than seven, staring at them with large, needy eyes. Her clothes were torn, her face covered in dirt. She glared at them, not saying anything. 

“Um...” Hoagie started. “H-hello.” 

There was no answer. The girl continued to stare, as though she were in a trance. 

“Hey girly,” Wally interjected. “You need somethin’?” 

But the girl said nothing. Instead, she held out her hands toward them, reaching out. She began to move towards them. 

“Uh...” Wally stiffened. 

The girl’s lips parted for the first time, her fingers pulsing as she stretched her arms further. “...Phone...” the words fell out of her mouth without any effort. Wally and Hoagie didn’t say anything back. “Phone...” she droned again, this time louder. 

Hoagie shot up. “I, uh. Sorry. I turned my phone off.” 

“Phone.” Another child, a boy with black spiky hair, was now reaching for the teenagers. Soon there were three, then five. Soon, the entire group of children were surrounding Wally and Hoagie, asking for their cellphones. 

“We don’t have any bloody phones!” Wally shouted. “Get lost!” 

The children didn’t stop coming. 

“Listen,” Hoagie tried to reason with them. “I know you’re hungry. It won’t be much longer I promise!” 

Wally shook his head. “They ain’t hungry!” he corrected him. “They’re fuckin’ bored as shit!” One child reached into his pocket, but Wally swatted him away. “Get off!” 

“What do we do?” 

“Phone.” 

“Candy crush...” 

“Disco Zoo...” 

“Wally...” Hoagie said as the mob started to reach for his pockets. “Wally!” Soon, he disappeared into the wave of tattered cloth, the kids pulling him to the ground. Wally tried to fight back, but it wasn’t long before he too was trampled by the children. He let out a wail. 

Above ground, Abby, Kuki, and Fanny popped their heads out into the blistering sunlight. Kuki scanned the area. Already, things were starting to deteriorate in the aftermath of yesterday’s events. The pavement was cracked, tracks of tires engraved into the chunks of asphalt. It was hot to the touch. There wasn’t a soul around for miles. Kuki was expecting a tumbleweed to brush them by in the calming breeze. No such thing happened. 

“Come on!” Fanny shouted. “We haven’t got all day!” 

Abby shushed her and climbed up out of the pothole where they were hiding. Fanny walked like a cowboy toward a cement building. Kuki looked at Abby, who wore a mask of discontent. 

“Thank you for bringing her along,” she finally said. “I was worried things would get weird if I left her with the guys.” 

Abby smirked. “Afraid she’ll try’n take your man?” 

Kuki just shrugged. “No. I trust Wally. I just don’t want to put him through any trouble.” She put a single finger on her chin. “Wally’s no good with girls. He gets flustered and awkward and says really stupid things. He’s been that way forever.” She grinned. “That’s why it’s so great that you two get along so well!” 

“Makes sense. I was never good at being a girl.” 

“Hurry up!” An impatient Fanny called back to them. 

“Except now we gotta deal with this one,” Abby said, nodding toward Fanny. “God love her, but she’s a pain in the ass.” 

Kuki giggled. “Who says women can’t get along?” she mocked. 

Abby rolled her eyes. “Very funny.” 

They entered the store, which was also barren. Kuki wondered where all of the people had gone. Surely the Adults would still be around, even if they were brainwashed as Wally claimed. She looked over at Abby and Fanny, who didn’t seem too fazed by the situation. Abby grabbed a large bag and stuffed it full of chips. Kuki assumed that they would get non-perishables, but chips? She decided not to think about it too much and focused on getting a change of clothes for her and Wally. There didn’t appear to be any underwear at the store, but there were shorts which had been laid out for the summer. Wally wouldn’t mind. They would all probably stink by the end of the trip anyway. 

She walked around the corner, where she saw Abby. She cheerfully made her way up to her but stopped suddenly. Abby was pressed up against the shelf, staring into the cooling rack. Her S.C.A.M.P.P. twitched in her hand. 

“Abby?” 

“Don’t look directly at it,” she whispered. “No sudden movements. Just back away slowly.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“What’s all the commotion--” Fanny came around the corner after her trip to the restroom, but Abby shushed her upon entry. 

“Whatever you do, do not get near it.” She lifted her weapon. “Abby’ll take care of things from here.” 

Fanny, unwilling to listen to Abby’s warning, walked to her side, finally seeing what Abby was glaring at. “Abigail.” Her face flattened. “That’s just broccoli.” 

Abby didn’t move. “Get back before you’re infected!” She scanned the area. “We’re surrounded. It’s not just broccoli. Carrots. Spinach. Brussels sprouts. Gross. Disgusting. Green. Slimy. They must be eliminated.” She turned to Kuki, who was beginning to wonder if Abby really was just a little kid. “Numbuh 3! Get away from here!” 

“Abby, it’s okay!” Kuki said, walking in front of her. “My parents have me eat vegetables all of the time.” 

Abby put a hand on Kuki’s shoulder. “Abby had no idea your home life was so tragic...” she said. Putting the gun to her heart, she lowered her head. “I am so sorry.”

“Oh fer cryin’ out...” Fanny crossed her arms. “They’re just plants, Abigail.” 

“They will erode yo’ brain...” came Abby’s dark response. “Turn it into green gucky goo. Evil. They’re pure evil.” 

Kuki got an idea. “But Abby...uh...look!” She gestured to the cooler. “They’re frozen and in plastic bags to, um, neutralize the toxic effects. There’s nothing to be afraid of! Really!” She moved behind Abby, trying to pull her away. “Everything is o-” 

“Clear!” Abby lifted the S.C.A.M.P.P., firing her lazar into the cooler. The entire isle exploded into a cloud of smoke. Abby grinned, flipping the lazar over her shoulder like an umbrella. “Not to worry,” she said, proudly. “The threat has been neutralized.” She turned away from the scene. “Yo’ welcome.” 

Fanny and Kuki blinked as they watched Abby walk away. Debris fell over their heads in piles of ash. 

“She’s a fuckin’ mad woman,” Fanny said. 

Kuki didn’t really have the grounds to disagree. 

"The flying Ace swooped down, narrowly avoiding the attack!" Hoagie ducked down, the child on his shoulders kicking with excitement. The other children sat around, mesmerized. He swerved over to the side, making an engine sound with his lips. "Just then!" He stopped, picking the kid off of his shoulders, setting him on the ground. "The Ace heard a cackling noise coming over his speaker! It was the Red Ravager!" Scanning the sea of children, he watched as all of them raised their hands, wanting to be a part of the story. He picked a little boy, whose hand appeared as though it would break off if he wasn't called on. He held out his hand to the boy and smiled, who shot up and ran to the play area with a wicked laugh. The other children were only disappointed for a few moments before they were wrapped back into the story. 

"It looks like I have your right where I want you!' he said." Hoagie put on the most traditionally evil voice he could muster. "'Surrender to me or you will never see the Lady Gwendolyn again! Muahaha!'" Then, he ran back and picked up the boy who was supposedly the hero of his tale. "'Curse you Red Ravager and your evil ways! You will not prevail!'" 

Wally watched as Hoagie moved back and forth, telling the story from all angles. He didn't get it. How could he still have energy after everything that happened? Wally was exhausted by that day's events alone, and he knew Hoagie hadn't slept a wink, the bags under his eyes clearly visible. The knock out gas did not count. 

"And what do you think the Red Ravager did then?" Hoagie asked a little girl, who was sitting quietly. She was no older than four years. 

"He um..." She thought for a moment. "He summoned a big monster!" she shouted, pointing at Hoagie. 

The storyteller tilted his head, touching his chest. "Who? Me?" 

The entire group giggled. "Yes! Yes! Hoagie's the monster! Hoagie's the monster!" 

Wally laughed as Hoagie reluctantly pretended to morph into a snarling beast, saying he was going to eat all the little children. The kids fake screamed, running around and tackling him, saying 'Kill the monster! Kill the monster!" Wally continued to observe the scene. Hoagie's were clothes now covered in even more dirt from all the running around and falling on the floor. Wally never knew what to do with kids. They were always screaming, running around, asking for things. Joey was the same. He didn't understand the concept of time, or that food was necessary for survival. He didn't care if he wore his pants on his head or danced in public. Children were crazy. 

"But the Lady Gwendolyn was very resourceful, you see. She had a plan to bring down the Red Ravager and save her beloved," Hoagie told the children, clearly on a new part of the story. Hoagie looked over at Wally, who caught his glance immediately. 

"Oh no. I'm good," he said. 

"There was a Wizard she knew of that lived in a cave. He was a sour old man and didn't like visitors." 

"I can hear you!" Wally snapped defensively. 

"But she knew the Wizard was also very compassionate and caring," Hoagie said. "Because he treated his friends and his wife very well." Wally flushed at his words. "So she bravely made the journey all the way to the other side of mountains, where the dragons bore their eggs in nests of spun gold." 

"Nothing in this story makes any sense," Wally told him. 

Hoagie frowned momentarily before gasping. "Look! There he is! Get him!" He chortled. "He's like a leprechaun. Capture him and he'll give you a wish!" 

"Oh, fuck no...no no no no!" The children ran up to him, one larger boy pulling on his arm. 

"Come on, Mister! Play with us!" Wally looked at the boy's shining eyes. They were completely different from the eyes he had seen earlier, desperate and longing. These eyes sparkled with excitement. 

"Yeah!" Another brown-haired girl tugged on his shirt. "It's fun!" 

Wally blushed, ruffling his hair. "Well..." He smiled. "I guess I got nothin' better to do." 

Hoagie gave him a smile from across the room, sweat beating down his neck and forehead. He wiped it, adjusting his glasses. His chest rose and fell as though he were running a marathon. He thought he would pass out for sure. 

He mouthed the words 'Thank You'. 

Wally nodded back at him. 

Abby walked out, three large garbage bags full of food over her shoulder. Fanny and Kuki soon followed, trying to keep up with her breakneck pace. Fanny complained about the heat, how she couldn’t drag her own bag and be expected to keep up, how she should have stayed behind. Kuki had just about had it. 

“Abby...” She moaned. Suddenly, she stopped, noticing Abby had ceased walking. This perplexed her. “Abby. We should get going.” 

“What do you suppose...” Abby’s voice trailed off as the girls approached. 

“What is it now?!” Fanny complained. 

Kuki looked up at what had stopped Abby in her tracks. It was a massive billboard, white, with images of white houses and a shadowy figure’s image. It read: 

COMING SOON!  
PARADISE RETIREMENT HOMES  
NO KIDS  
NO WORK  
NO WORRIES

RESERVE YOURS TODAY!

Kuki was confused. “Abby? What’s the matter?” 

Abby was still, the words floating out with no effort, as though she wasn’t thinking about them at all. “I don’t get it.”

“He’s a loon, what’s there to get?” Fanny growled. 

Kuki gasped. “Wait! Is that him? That’s Father?” She examined the photo of the smiling shadow. “He’s creepy.” 

“He brainwashes everyone,” Abby was still in her head. “Gets rid of Kids, and now he’s buildin’ houses...why?” 

Kuki touched her arm gently. “I don’t know but...don’t you think we should be getting back?” 

Abby shook herself out of her trance. “Yeah. We got everything we need.” 

“Well, it’s about time!” Fanny whined. 

Kuki rolled her eyes. It was worth it for Wally, she told herself. Worth it for Wally...

He owed her big time. 

The girls returned shortly, announcing that they brought food. The kids broke away from their game and swarmed the three, clamoring for their meal. Hoagie and Wally were relieved that they finally returned. They went up to greet the girls, fighting through the now dispersing group of children. 

Hoagie peered into the bag, his face contorting into a frown. “Huh? It’s all junk food.” 

Abby nodded. “Yeah.” 

Hoagie couldn’t believe this was happening. “You can’t just feed kids junk food!” 

“Why not?” Abby asked. “It’s what they like to eat, ain’t it?” 

“Yeah, but...” He lifted the bag up. “They’re gonna get sick off of this stuff after a while!” He dug through the bag. “I mean, there’s no canned food, no vegetables...” 

“Abby’s gonna pretend you didn’t say that.” She scowled. 

“You had a whole grocery store!” Hoagie snapped. “A whole grocery store and you got chips and soda! What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“And donuts, n’ cupcakes, n’ chocolate logs...” She shook a bag of candy in front of his face with a teasing smile. 

“Oh, they had chocolate logs?” He said, taking the bag. “I love these.” He shook his head. “But that’s not the point! You were supposed to find food for the kids and for us! Actual real food!” 

“Listen, Baby. You got your job. Let me do mine,” Abby said. And with that, she walked away, sticking a lollypop in her mouth. 

“Abigail!” he called after her, but she was already off doing something else. He looked over to Fanny and Kuki, who were white as sheets. “What happened to you guys?” 

“Abby’s really scary,” Kuki said. 

“Pssh,” Fanny scoffed. “She’s just an attention whore. She’s all ‘look at me. I blew up a grocery store. I’m so cool.’ Blech.” 

Hoagie blinked. “She did what?” 

Kuki shook her head. “I’d rather not talk about it.” 

Abby called the group over to discuss what they had seen on the surface while the children grazed on their processed sugar. She explained about the billboard, how there were similar signs posted on every lot in the neighborhood. 

“A retirement home?” Hoagie was confused. “He’s building a retirement home?” 

Abby nodded. “That’s what it looks like.” 

Wally groaned. “What kinda nut job are we dealin’ with here? He’s finally got the entire world and he wants to go into real estate?” 

“I don’t think it’s real estate,” Hoagie thought aloud. “It must be something to do with the children he captured. But that doesn’t make sense either.” 

“I think the housing is for the Adults,” Kuki disagreed. 

“But why buy housing for Adults?” Abby interjected. 

“To end homelessness?” Kuki suggested. 

“Totalitarianism,” Wally stated. The others looked at him, surprised. “What? He wants to control the spaces people live in and take complete control of office and commerce. That’s some dictator-ass shit.” 

Hoagie shook his head. “What do you know? Wally pays attention in school.” 

“Only sometimes!” Wally defended himself. “I’m not a freak.” 

“In any case,” Abby stopped them. “He’s movin’ fast. If we don’t get the G:KND on our side, who knows what kind of disaster he could have planned.” Abby looked at Fanny, who was beginning to sweat. “We have to get movin’ if we’re gonna make it out of here. We’ve got a long walk before we reach our destination.” 

Fanny frowned. “You sure you don’t wanna come with us? Sanctuary shouldn’t be that far now.” 

Abby smiled at her. “Thanks, but we have somethin’ important we gotta do.” 

Fanny nodded. “I understand.” They shook hands. 

Hoagie and Wally said their tearful goodbyes to the kids, who did not understand why they had to part ways no matter how they tried to explain. 

“Hey, Gilligan.” Fanny brushed her red hair behind her ear, her eyes glued to the ground, her face even redder than her hair. “Don’t go’n get yerself killed, alright?” 

Hoagie lifted an eyebrow. “What’s this? Fanny Bullwright actually caring about my safety?” 

Fanny blushed harder, her eyes whipping back to him. “Yeah, right! You could be stomped on by a mega super robot for all I care! But...” She looked over at the kids. “I don’t wanna have to explain to the kids that yer not comin’ back so...” She swallowed. “So you better come back or else I’ll find you and send yer ass to the moon! Got it?!” 

“At least on the moon I won’t hear your screeching.” 

Whack! Fanny’s hand slapped itself against Hoagie’s skin, leaving a big red mark on his cheek. No sooner had she done this, when she grabbed the collar of his sweatshirt, pressing her lips to his with vigor. Hoagie’s eyes rocked open, his body tensing up. She pulled away, staring at his eyes for a good five seconds. 

“What the--” 

WHACK! She slapped him again before turning around and walking off, grumbling to herself about what an idiot he was. The others stared at the scene. Abby and Kuki’s jaws were on the floor while Wally wore a snide grin that he just couldn’t hide. He walked up to Hoagie, giving him a slap on the back. 

“Nicely done,” he said. 

Hoagie still couldn’t think straight. “The fuck just happened?” he whispered. 

Wally chuckled, dragging Hoagie along with the group as they parted from Fanny’s. “Don’t worry about it, Mate,” he said, waving cheekily at the kids. “Just sit back and enjoy.” 

Kuki picked up the flashlight and Hoagie’s backpack, catching up to them. “So, Abby.” She called to their leader, who was hauling her cut of the food in a giant garbage bag over her back. “What’s the plan?” 

Abby grinned. “We hit ‘em where it hurts.” 

Hoagie frowned. “That’s unbelievably vague.” 

“We need a spaceship, right?” she told them. The teens looked at each other with agreement. “Well. Who says the KND’re the only ones who’ve been to space?” More silence. “What if I told you, we could get where we’re goin’ and stick it to Father in the process?” 

“You mean-” Wally started. 

“They don’t call him Father cause he’s a bachelor,” Abby pulled the bag up closer to her shoulders. 

Kuki gasped. “You mean he has kids?!” 

Abby nodded. 

Hoagie looked disturbed. “You’re gonna steal from kids?”

Abby shook her head. “Not kids.” She said. “Children.” 

END TRANSMISSION


	6. H.E.I.S.T.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To break through the Earth's atmosphere, Abby leads a mission to steal a spaceship from her old nemeses and discovers that Father's past operations were far more insidious than she, or anyone in the KND, expected.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: H.E.I.S.T. 

Harrowing   
Espionage   
Is  
Stealing   
Transportation 

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned  
by Tom Warburton and Cartoon network 

Episode 6

“Um...” Hoagie drummed his fingers over his hat, his eyes glued to the map that Abby had drawn out for them. Wally and Kuki huddled around him, trying to envision all of their possibilities while Hoagie was more concerned about finding an escape route. “Well, there’s always the plumbing.” 

Wally scrunched his nose. “No way. That’s disgusting.” 

Hoagie frowned. “Okay, then. Since you’re obviously the expert, you find an evacuation route.” 

Abby leaned onto the side of the tunnel, picking the dirt out of her nails. “We’re wastin’ time,” she said calmly. “Just forget about it and let’s go already.” 

Hoagie’s chest puffed up. “You want to waltz right into the house of your mortal enemy, steal a space ship, and you think we’re just gonna walk out of there scott-free? Don’t be cocky, Abigail. We need an escape plan.” 

“Abby’s never cocky,” Abby assured him. “And since when do you follow plans?” 

“I’m a scientist,” he said, pushing up his glasses. “I never do anything without a defined procedure.” 

Abby huffed. “Yeah. Says the kid who ran into a den of nerd zombies to save some stupid tradin’ card.” 

Hoagie glowered. “That couldn’t have happened.” 

Abby walked by him with a knowing smirk. “Sorry, Baby. But you ain’t an authority on what did and didn’t happen.” Hoagie’s face grew darker. 

Kuki shrugged. “She’s got ya there.” 

“C’mon. Sooner we get off this planet, the sooner we end this mess,” she called back. She started to climb up the ladder up to where the tunnel let out into the street. Wally and Kuki followed. 

“Abigail!” Hoagie protested. “We can’t just walk in there! It’s too dangerous! What if we get caught?” She ignored him. “We need to be smart about this!” 

Abby stopped climbing, hanging down from the top like a kid on the monkey bars. “All this and you still don’t trust me?” She grinned. “That’s cute.” 

“C-cute?” Hoagie’s cheeks were slightly pinker than usual. “You think it’s cute that you’re walking into a death trap with no plan, hardly any weapons, and...us?” He turned to Wally and Kuki. “N-no offense.” They didn’t seem to take any. “I don’t find torture cute, Abigail! I don’t find prison cute! And I especially don’t find abandoning my brother in the hands of a crazed lunatic cute!” 

Abby jumped down, nearly four feet from the top, landing right in front of Hoagie. She pulled out her pointer finger, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Listen here, Sugar.” 

Hoagie pouted. “Don’t do that.” 

“I’ve been a Kids Next Door operative most’a my entire life,” she stated. “I’ve fought the Delightful Children more times than countable. I know that mansion like I know my own Mama. Every weapon, every camera, every trap, every hallway, every room, every picture on every wall. If a bolt is moved, rest assured, I’m the first to hear about it. You think I’m just gonna let us walk into a danger zone unprotected? You think I’m that careless?” Hoagie felt himself starting to shrivel as Abby’s stern eyes locked on him. “I am the leader of this team. If I thought we needed a back-up plan, I would have one. I promise you that.”

Hoagie flattened his face. "Okay, geez." 

Abby's eyes narrowed in his direction before turning to her map. 

Wally snickered. "Oooh boy. Smell that? Your ass just got burned." 

"Like rubber on a tire!" Kuki chimed in. 

"Hey-oh!" They high-fived each other, clearly in a much more optimistic position about this whole theft thing. 

"Thanks, guys," Hoagie said grimly. "Real supportive." 

Abby rolled up the map, setting it down next to the food. "You ready? It's now or never." 

“Alright!” Kuki cheered. “Let’s go steal a rocket ship!” She started to climb the ladder to the surface. “Rocket ship, Sanban!” 

“Star Man, Beatles!” Wally called after her. 

Kuki’s face soured. “Aww, yours is better.” 

Hoagie’s face lit up. “Oh! I’ve got-” Suddenly, he froze, as though the wind had knocked the air right out of him. Sweat began to pour down his neck as his cheeks flushed. ‘C’mon, Hoagie’, he thought to himself. ‘They’re starting to like you. Don’t ruin it with one of your stupid jokes.’ The team turned to look at him as he let out a nervous laugh, his hand reaching behind to scratch his neck. “I’ve got...a...an idea!” He looked around, his eye catching the map Abby had drawn. “We should take the map. Even though Abigail knows the area, we should have it in case we get separated.” 

Wally nodded. “Good plan.” 

But Abby looked at him skeptically. “That all?” 

Hoagie continued to scratch the back of his neck. “Yep! That’s all! No comments. You can take it from here. I mean, I’ll take the map and you take the mission...I mean you could take the map but that would kind of defeat the purpose so--” He felt his foot catch onto an untied shoelace, causing him to crash into the ground. But he smiled and laughed it off. “You guys go on ahead. I’ll catch up!” 

He waited until they all filed up through to the street. When they had gone, he allowed himself to sink further into the ground, his face with it. He stood up, picking up the backpack he set on the ground. Rolling up the map, he stuffed it in next to his brother’s goggles and the weapon Abby gave him, which he hadn’t taken out of the bag since she gave it to him. He pulled out the weapon: something Abby had called a S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.: 

Kids Next Door: S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. 

Solid  
Pine  
Loaded  
Artillery   
Nicely  
Kicks  
Enemy   
Rear

To him, it looked more like an enlarged kitchen tool, but he supposed it was better than having no weapon at all. What he didn’t understand was why she gave the close-range weapon to him, a guy who had the athleticism of a freshly baked potato. He sighed. She seemed to know what she was doing. He just hoped that it would be enough. 

It took all of Kuki’s might not to squeal with excitement when she saw the Delightful Children’s mansion. The entire thing looked like a giant cake, with beautiful oranges and blues swirled like icing on its walls and rooftops. Wally found the house’s lavishness to be in poor taste, decked out and groomed in only the way money could buy. He wanted to vomit, but seeing Kuki this happy, he had to admit, kind of made him happy too. Abby lead them through a back entrance, which she wasn’t surprised still accepted the same code as it did years before. She went first, checking around every corner. Finally, she saw a large chair, its winged back turned toward them. She told her team to hold off, listening to the collective sigh which came from the other end. They were there, alright. The Delightful Children From Down The Lane. 

She gestured the others to tiptoe alongside her, waving them through. There didn’t seem to by any guards around the place, which was peculiar. Perhaps they thought that their work was finished now that the rest of the kids of the world had been taken. Abby stepped into the next room, relieved when she saw the door she was looking for. 

“This way,” she whispered. 

Wally kept cringing. “What kind of self-respectin’ super villain lives in a place like this?” he mocked. “It looks like a fuckin’ dollhouse.” 

Hoagie shuddered. “Let’s just hope we don’t run into the dolls.” 

Abby opened the door to reveal a steep staircase. The team filed in quickly and she shut the door behind them. This area was different from everywhere else in the mansion: sleek and modern with a large open window which projected astrological images into its surface. 

“Now this,” Wally announced. “Is a super villain lair.” 

“It’s lovely,” Kuki said, her eyes sparkling. She pulled out a disposable camera, which she took from the store, snapping a picture. 

Wally rolled his eyes. “Will you knock it off? We’re on a mission here!” 

Kuki stuck out her lip. “It’s for my blog,” she boasted. 

“Kuki!” Wally was about at the end of his rope. “There ain’t no more blogs or internet or bloody anything! Don’t you get that?” 

“Well, duh. I mean after we save the world!” She grinned. “Say cheese!” Wally covered his face as Kuki tried to snap a picture of him. Her smile contorted back into a frown. “You never let me take your picture. I just have the one of you as my background and you’re barely even in it. Just your forehead from when you ducked to try and get out!” 

“I’m covered in dirt!” 

“So?” She shuffled her feet, finding her smile again. “We’re making memories.” 

“Yo,” Abby called from the other room. She and Hoagie had already gone on ahead. “Sam and Diane. Get yo’ asses in here.” 

Kuki cocked her head to the side. “Who?” 

Wally shook his head. “I don’t get it.” 

“I bet it’s an inside joke.” She turned back, snapping more pictures. “Just a few more...” 

“You’re an inside joke...” Wally whispered under his breath before getting a well-deserved light clock in the head from Kuki’s S.P.I.C.E.R. gun. 

Kids Next Door: S.P.I.C.E.R.:

Stingy  
Pepper  
Infused  
Cannon  
Enflames  
Retinas

Abby walked up to the computer, which was a giant flat-screen monitor over a desk. “Perfect,” she grumbled. “Just when I think those two are finally gonna start takin’ things seriously...” She started to scan the area for the weapons storage unit, one that she knew existed but had never actually been to. Thankfully, it had never come to that. 

“You’re a Cheers fan?” Hoagie asked nonchalantly, his eyes wandering around the room. 

“Huh? Oh. Not exactly,” Abby said. “My daddy watches it. It’s his favorite white show. He’s seen every one.” 

“White show?” 

“Show for white people,” Abby stated simply. 

Hoagie scratched his neck, feeling stupid. “R-Right.” 

Abby didn’t let the silence linger. “You like it?” 

“Oh, uh...I mean I don’t really watch it. My mom, she likes it, but she watches everything,” Hoagie admitted. “Find anything?” 

“No, not yet.” Abby continued to work, her eyes glued to the monitor as she spoke. “Tryin’ to get past the security.” She didn’t hesitate before continuing. “I don’t really watch tv anymore. Not leisurely, anyway. Gotta keep up with the popular trash, but mostly if it’s got a plot I just read the Wikipedia page and recap articles.” She leaned her cheek on her hand, pressing up against the desk. “Guess I’d like to see Game of Thrones.” She smiled. “Anything but Rainbow Monkeys.” 

Hoagie scrunched his eyebrows. “Rainbow Monkeys?”

She sighed. “Never mind.” 

Hoagie walked around the edge of the sanctum, trying out the doors, which were unsurprisingly locked. “I wonder what he keeps in here? It doesn’t seem like very efficient storage.” Abby was focused now on the monitor and didn’t answer. Hoagie turned the last door handle. 

He froze as the door swung open, leaving behind a pitch-black room. 

He really had to stop opening strange doors. 

“...Abigail...” He called to her, not bothering to look back. 

“I almost got it. Hold on,” Was her response. 

Hoagie shook his head. “The door is open,” was all he managed to say. 

Abby turned around. “What do you mean the door is open?” She stopped cold as she saw Hoagie standing in front of a large metal door, swung wide as though calling them inside. 

“I mean...” Hoagie quivered as he pointed to the dark room. “T-The door...is open.” 

“Wally! Kuki! Get in here!” Abby shouted. 

Hoagie folded his hands, wringing them as his breath started to grow heavier. “W-what do we do?” Abby didn’t say anything but walked straight past him into the room. “Abigail!” He looked around frantically, not seeing Wally and Kuki on their way inside. With much apprehension, he followed Abby into the room. He didn’t get far, however, before he bumped right into her again. “What is it?” Hoagie asked. Wally and Kuki appeared behind. 

“What’s in here?” Wally asked as he flipped on the light switch. The four froze, unable to digest what they were seeing. 

The area was like a museum, old weapons put on high glass display cases, their names inscribed in gold plates beneath them. Kuki stiffened as her eyes gravitated to the walls, all of them looking at the gigantic framed photo on the wall. It looked like a shrine. Wally noticed Abby staring at the image, as though she were in a trance. 

“That’s...extremely disturbing,” Hoagie stated. 

Wally studied the picture. “Who’s the bald kid?” 

The image of an eleven-year-old boy with no hair, a red turtleneck sweater, and black round sunglasses stared back at them. Was this one of Father’s children? Wally shuddered. Talk about favoritism. 

Abby turned away from the picture. “No one. Let’s see if we can get any weapons.” Her eyes scanned the room, suddenly stopping. To the other’s surprise, her face lit up, her brows lifting slightly. Without a word, she moved away from the others.

She walked through the museum of artifacts, most of them old and untouched for years. The others followed, having slightly more difficulty navigating the space. They called to her, waved at her, but nothing got her attention. Finally, she stopped in front of a case in the far corner. She stood and stared at the object for a good thirty seconds before they heard it. A snigger, and then a chuckle, and finally hysterical laughter. She jumped around, the excitement wanting to burst through her eyes. 

“Abby?” Kuki asked, clinging to Wally. “You okay? You’re scaring me.” 

“I’m better than okay, Kuki!” She gasped. “Abby is better than everything!” 

Wally leaned in and whispered. “I think she’s finally lost it.”

“This is it...” Abby said. “This is the answer to all of our problems!” She stepped back and showed them the item which captivated her attention. They gathered around it, their eyes scanning it over and over again. It was pointless. None of them knew what they were supposed to be looking at. All they could see was a small wooden box.

Hoagie smirked. “The answer to all of our problems...” he mused. “What is it? A time machine?”

But Abby shook her head, grabbing him by the collar. “It’s better than a time machine!” she squealed. “It’s our victory.” 

Abby gestured to the box for her teammates to see. She knew they didn’t know what it was, but she didn’t care. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the glass up from around it, resting it delicately on the ground. No alarms went off, but even if they did there was nothing they could do now. She picked up the box, bringing it closer to her. Hoagie mentioned something about not touching things, but she wasn’t listening. Her mind was racing, her cheeks red with excitement. They didn’t get it, but they would soon. In a short while, all of this would just go back to being a bad dream. 

“Well, if it’s not a time machine,” Wally thought hard. “It’s gotta be a weapon.” 

Hoagie shook his head. “That doesn’t seem right.” 

“Course it’s not a weapon!” Abby said. “Look at it!” 

“Then what is it!” Wally insisted. She could tell he was sick of asking that question. 

“It’s too hard to explain,” she said. “But Abby’ll show you.” She stepped toward him, holding out her hand. “I just need a piece of DNA. Wally. Gimmie a bugger.” 

Wally turned white. “What?” 

Abby rolled her eyes. “You said you wanted to know what it was!” 

But Wally shook his head ferociously. “No fuckin’ way. You do it!” 

“It won’t work if I do it!” she snapped back, moving closer. “Please--” 

“No!” 

“Wally--” 

“Get away from me you sicko!” He ran behind Kuki. “Only five-year-olds pick their noses.” 

Kuki groaned. “I’ll give you one of mine--” She went to go pick her nose, but Wally’s girlish squeals stopped her. 

“Kuki!” Wally shuddered. “Don’t do that!” 

“Why not?” 

“Because! It’s gross!” He moved away from his girlfriend. “I can’t be with a girl who picks her nose! That’s crossin’ way too many lines!” Kuki stuck her finger up her nose, yanking out a bugger. Wally squealed again as she waved it around. “Kuki! Put it back! I’m serious!” 

“Wally’s afraid of buggers!” She teased. 

“Am not!” 

“Are too!” She edged him further away from the others, Wally backing up as fast as he could. 

“Keep away!” He screamed. Kuki’s lips curled up into a menacing grin, waving her finger around. “Don’t come any closer!” 

Smash! Wally’s back ran into a pillar, sending it careening down to the floor, shattering the glass. 

"Oh fuck." 

"Time to go." Abby said, taking the box with her and darting up the stairs. The others followed briskly, closing the door to the secret room. 

Abby ran to the computer, typing in the code to access Father's files. They all crowded around the screen in anticipation. Finally, the screen unlocked, pages and pages of files shown on the screen. 

"This hard drive's a mess," Hoagie derogated. 

Abby moved the mouse up to the top of the screen, clicking on the search button. "Don't matter. We know what we're looking for." 

She typed in the words 'rocket access code.' 

Kuki held Wally's arm. "You don't think they heard the crash, do you?" 

Wally grimaced. "I ain't stickin' around to find out." 

"Got it! Artillery access password." 

Wally stared at the screen. "BenniAndTheJets," he read aloud. "Oh, great. He's a comedian too." 

"Okay, we got it!" Kuki said, pulling on Wally. "Let's get out of here." 

"Wait," Abby shouted, stopping them. "There's somethin' I wanna check first." She cleared the search history and wrote 'child maturation machine'. Many files appeared. "This might be the only chance for us to see what Father is really up to." 

"Won't they have this on the ship too?" Kuki asked, impatiently. 

Abby shook her head. "He's not that stupid. Father keeps all his back up files in servers around the country, guarded 24/7. His home computer is the least protected of these. No one would dare try'n steal from the Delightful Children from Down the Lane." 

Hoagie sighed. "And yet, here we are." 

"Abby look!" Kuki pointed to one of the files, which appeared to be a video. "There. Paradise Retirement. Like the billboard." 

Click. 

The screen went black for a few minutes. Father's face popped up after a while, grinning goofily as the film rolled. A sickeningly peppy song played in the background. 

"Well, hi!" Father said, pretending to be coy. "Didn't see you there. My name is Father, your Supreme Leader for life. Say, are you tired of working? Tired of coming home to a boring old house and a boring old life, trying to make ends meet? Do you ever just want to retire early? Well, thanks to our new system, Adults can retire as young as age 30 with all the benefits! How is that possible you ask? Haha well...I'll show you!" The scene changed, now showing a hallway filled with blue tubes. "Thanks to our newest state of the art technology, your kids can be raised to be smart, upstanding Adults without you even having to lift a finger! We'll take your kids and raise them until they're 13 years old. The Child Maturation Program will take care of all that pesky parenting nonsense. And all those tax dollars paying for schools? A thing of the past, my friends! We will give every child the unique education that they need from birth with no fee and no taxes!" The scene switched again, this time to a dull office building. Teenagers were shown walking around, filing papers and talking on the phone. "Once a child has matured to a proper age, he or she will be a teenager. Society doesn't pay for itself, you know! Your teen will be assessed by their gifts or talents and placed into a job based on these things. Say goodbye to unemployment, folks, because with every human from the ages 13-30 working 18 hours every day, that's enough to pay for their entire future! No need for college or specialty training! All teens will be programed with exactly what they need to succeed thanks to our hearty education system!" 

"Oh fuck that!" Wally couldn't help but cry out. 

"But wait! You're probably wondering what you'll be doing all of this time? Well, all that work is going to pay off my friends when you reach the age of 30! Young people do the work, so us real Adults get to reap the benefits. Which is why you should invest in Father's Paradise Retirement, where Adults can relax, play golf, get expensive travel tickets, all for free! That's right! Free! Just prove that you're over 30 and we'll give you the life you've always dreamed of! It's the deal of the century, people! And it's yours today! Or else..." Father's face flashed back on screen. "So come on...oh...shoot...dag-nabbit you dropped the...no, no there....okay So come on down to Father's Paradise Retirement. Where the Adults play, and the kids stay away!" He glared at the camera. "You better edit that out." 

The screen cut to black. Silence filled the room. 

"Well," Kuki was the first to speak. "At least we know what he's up to now." 

"I'm outta here." Wally said, walking away. "So done. So fucking done." 

"Wally!" Kuki called after him. She looked back at Abby, then at Wally's now disappearing back. "I'm so sorry," she said, bowing to Abby before running after her boyfriend. "Wally! Wallabee! You can't just wander off by yourself..." 

Abby sighed. "Man. Can ya really blame him?" 

"Hey. Move over for a second," Hoagie said, setting down his weapon and leaning over the keyboard. Abby did this. "This has information about the TEENZ too, right?" 

Abby stiffened. "Y-yeah." 

"Excellent," he said. He didn't seem too startled by the movie like the others were. Maybe all of this was just too common for him now. "You can go ahead, I'll just be a minute." He went up to the corner search button and began typing. 

H O G A R -

Abby grabbed his wrist. "What're you doin'? We gotta go." 

"This'll just take a second." He proceeded to type his name into the server. "When you first approached me, I thought it had something to do with the information I had been collecting for the science fair. Information on memory and brainwave stimulation. The TEENZ have been fucking with me for years. I used to think they just destroyed it as a prank, but now I'm thinking maybe they've been stealing it and using it. If I can find my latest project, we may be able to use it somehow." 

Abby released him, her chest growing tight. "L-Look. It's probably not there. And even if it was, there'd be no way to transfer the data to-" Hoagie pulled a flash drive out of his pocket and set it on the counter. His Boy Scout level preparedness was certainly something to be admired. "Hoagie, wait. There's somethin’..." Abby felt the sweat accumulate on her brow. If he didn't find the file he was looking for, he would start to get suspicious. He would start asking questions. Questions Abby was not ready to answer. 

"What's this?" His tone had completely changed from determination to confusion. Abby looked at the screen as he clicked on the first file in the list that popped up under his name. 

"I dunno," she said. She meant it.   
The file came up. It was a simple spreadsheet, with names listed in alphabetical order along with their photos and ages. Names were either highlighted in red or black. Most of them were red. Next to the red names were links to another document. Hoagie's brows lifted with recognition. Strangely, he did not find his name. He clicked on the closest red link, wondering if he had made a mistake. A screen popped up showing a line graph. He followed the pattern, tracing it with his eyes. The line moved up, wavering until it hit its peak, and then plummeted steeply back down. However, there were only numbers on each of the axes with no labels to speak of. Hoagie huffed out a 'huh' before exiting out of it and clicking on the next one. 

It was the same. 

The graph had a steeper incline, but the model was completely identical. 

"What in the world..." 

It was the same with every name he clicked on. Each chart was slightly different, but they all followed the same progression and general curve. 

“Amber Scott,” Abby whispered. 

He moved down the list locating the name. Sure enough, it was there in red. The graph similar to the others. “Who is she?” 

“According to the TND’s files, she’s not supposed to exist,” Abby said. 

“Why would they have data for somebody who doesn’t exist?” 

Hoagie scrolled down to the bottom of the page, exited out, and clicked on a second link at the bottom of the first page. In big bold letters was the code EXP395FBN. Abby peered over his shoulder. He looked at her briefly. She nodded, allowing him to continue. 

Click. 

Their faces scrunched as the blue light of the screen flashed over their eyes. Hundreds of files popped up on screen, the foremost launching itself in front of them. Abby read the first few sentences and turned around. She held her stomach, nauseous at the sight. 

"Experiment 395 of Brain Wave frequency test. Electricity exposure- 200 volts," Hoagie read from the page. His voice hovered at the base of his range, speaking as though he were reading and explaining at the same time. "As usual, the acceleration caused massive protrusions in the brain. Subject could not withstand treatment for more than a couple minutes at a time. Therefore, ineffective for the final goal. The subjects tested have yielded similar results. Day one: no effect. Day two: no effect. Day three: mild protrusion. Day four: loss of appetite and enamel decay-" 

Abby pulled on his arm. "Okay. That's enough." 

But Hoagie didn't listen. He nudged her off, continuing to read. "Day five: Deeper protrusions. Day six: Enhanced pain. Day seven: Tissue decay. Day eight: Extreme pain and organ failure. Day nine: Memory loss. Day ten: Some signs of cancer. Day eleven: Brittle bones and hair loss. Day twelve: Complete organ shut down. Day thirteen: ...unresponsive." He finally stopped, his breathing getting heavy. “Abby, what is this?” 

Abby still couldn't look. It was worse than she had feared. There was no doubt in her mind that the teens on the list were the missing scientists from the TND case files. 

“Maybe it’s not what you think-” 

Hoagie clicked on a link below, taking it back to the list they had been looking at earlier, proving his argument for him. She checked the screen for a half second before turning again. 

She swallowed. Hoagie had already put the pieces together. Joe’s words, Abby’s refusal to tell him what was going on, everything was becoming clear for him. Before she could formulate a response, he spoke again. 

"Is that what's going to happen?" 

Abby swung back around, facing him. His entire body was shaking. She grabbed his arms off of the desk and pulled them away from the computer towards her. "No. Nothin' like that is gonna happen to you. You hear me?" 

But Hoagie's eyes wouldn't leave the screen, red with tears of paralyzing fear. He quivered, so much that Abby felt her body rumbling with him. His breathing got heavier and heavier. 

But Abby stayed firm. "Look," she said, her tone gentle. "I know you don't exactly trust me. I don't blame you. You're scared and confused. Everythin's changin' and nothin' makes sense. It's a lot to take in. I get it." She pulled him in closer. "But you gotta have enough faith to know I got your back, okay? Tell me at the very least you believe that." 

Hoagie shut his eyes, forcing his face away from the screen. He nodded a bit frantically before saying "Yes." 

WARNING

INTRUDER ALERT

INVALID ACCESS CODE

COMMENCING EMERGENCY SHUT DOWN

"God dammit!" Abby shouted as the metal doors started to close around them. 

“What’s hap--” 

Abby yanked Hoagie underneath the desk clasping her hand over his mouth. “Shut up. Don’t make a sound,” she whispered. Hoagie tried to stop himself from hyperventilating. 

A bright light flashed on the screen, illuminating the rest of the room. There was a tiny hint of noise coming from the monitor, before a voice started to speak. 

Voices?

“What? We’ve been hacked! Computer!” They shouted in unison. “Scan for intruders!” 

Abby grimaced. “I don’t think so...” she whispered. She slipped the S.C.A.M.P.P. off of her shoulder and aimed it towards the edge of the room. A green light shot out of it, nearly giving Hoagie a heart attack. She aimed again at the other corner, shooting the scanners that she knew were placed around the area. 

“Why didn’t you do that earlier?!” Hoagie whispered, his mouth free of her grasp. 

She hushed him, pointing above her. As an annoyed scream was heard on the other end of the monitor, Abby had rolled out from under the desk, aiming her weapon right at the monitor. Hoagie went to shout out to her, but stopped, knowing it would probably ruin whatever plan she had. Abby sat upright. 

A slight grin appeared on her face as her eyes met those of her enemies. 

It had been a while. 

The screen showed 5 children, all properly dressed and groomed, standing together in an ideal formation. They appeared like they hadn’t aged a day since she saw them last. 

“Y-You!” They gasped. 

Abby just replied with a cheeky smile. “Me.” 

She fired the lazar at the monitor, mutilating it beyond function. She grabbed Hoagie by the arm and started sprinting toward the door, cutting out a hole for them to escape through as soon as she got there. 

Hoagie was still trying to find his breath. “Why did you do that? Now they’ll know you’re here!” 

“But they don’t know you’re here,” she said as she pushed him through the hole, a bit of a challenge due to his considerable size. “That’s all that matters.” 

She held the box close to her, leaning over it as though to protect it with her life. Without a second thought, she tossed Hoagie the S.C.A.M.P.P., who fumbled it a while before securing it in his hands. 

“Go find the others,” she instructed. 

“A-Alone?” he quivered. Abby didn’t respond. She took the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. from him, rotating her hat. “Abigail...I can’t...I’m not-” 

“Yo’ not what?” She turned to him sharply, her pony almost whacking him in the face. “Cut out for this? Brave enough? Strong enough? What?” Her nose got closer and closer to his with every word. When he didn’t respond with anything but a worried face, she sighed. “Deep breath. Count to ten.” Her stare darkened. “Point and shoot.” 

Suddenly, the ground began to rumble, the sounds of metal clicking all around them. Abby ran up what looked to be a flight of stairs, only to have them turn into a slope as soon as she got halfway up. Hoagie did as he was told, at first, but found himself hanging back to watch out of sheer terror. Three black boulders came barreling down to meet them, which Abby jumped over with ease. Hoagie tried to blast them, but the lazar simply bounced off, having no effect. 

Abby motioned him to go, only to be confronted with a boulder that she could not jump over. This one opened up its front, like a mouth, ready to take a bite out of its next meal. 

“Oh, fuck...” she whispered. 

It happened in an instant. Hoagie watched in horror as the black blob swallowed the last spec of red, rolling back up the stairs immediately. He held his breath and sprinted the other way, quite certain he was going to die. 

“See? This is why I said to wait!” 

“I’m sorry! How many times do I gotta say it?” 

“A bumillion trillion quadrillion times!” 

“I put it in just like it was! He must’ve changed the code!” 

“Nobody changed the code, Wally! You put it in wrong! We should have waited for Abby!” 

“Oh, so everything’s my fault!” 

“This time, yes! Everything is your fault!” 

Kuki paced back and forth frantically in front of the artillery room. 

“Now they’re gonna know we’re here! They’re gonna tell Father we’re here! They’re gonna brainwash us and turn us into mindless blue-collar workers!” 

“A fate worse than death...” Wally added, all too calmly. 

“You’re not helping!” 

“Okay...” He stood in front of her trying to calm her down. “Be cool. Everything’ll be okay if we just stay cool.” 

Kuki pulled on her hair, biting her lip. “Oh, where are Abby and Hoagie?” She gasped. “What if they got captured!” She flicked her boyfriend’s forehead. “It’s all your fault!” 

“Oww!” 

“Well!” She shook her head. “And now we’re stuck here!” 

“Maybe if I tried...” 

“No!” Kuki leapt onto him, stopping him in his tracks. “Don’t touch anything!” 

Wally squirmed. “Kuki! Get off!” 

“No!” 

“Kuki!” 

“No! We’re waiting for Abby!” 

Just then, a bright green shot through the steel wall. A frantic round blob waved its hands to them, rushing their direction. He stopped, looking around as though he missed something important. 

“There you are!” Kuki said. “Where’s Abby?” 

Hoagie Gilligan put his hands on his knees, puffing hard. “No time...we have to...the safe...” 

“I tried!” Wally groaned. Hoagie didn’t seem to be listening to him as he rushed to the keyboard. “The damn thing won’t open.” 

Hoagie put in the code as best as he could remember. 

Click. 

Access granted. 

Wally’s jaw fell. “How the bloody hell did you do that?” 

But Kuki yanked him along until they were all inside. “Never mind! Just go!” 

Hoagie closed the door, leaning up against it. He held his breath and closed his eyes. The others huddled together. They waited for a while, being certain the outside was quiet before continuing to speak. 

“I think they’re gone,” Kuki whispered. “The alarm turned off as soon as the code was entered.” 

“Good! Let’s get the hell outta here,” Wally said. 

Hoagie leapt up, like an electric shock and propelled him. He flailed his arms into the air. “No! We have to...” He pointed to the door, starting to gesture his story. “Abigail she...and then boom, but it didn’t...and whoosh! And this thing just...just...” He clasped his hands over each other, to signal a giant mouth chomping down. “We gotta save her!” 

Wally gave him a distasteful look. “Great. You let our escort get captured. Way to go, Einstein.” 

Hoagie flushed. “Me? How is this my fault?” 

“Um, you were right there!” Wally snapped. “Why didn’t you bloody do something!” 

“I tried! The weapon she gave me didn’t work and then she told me to run and so I ran and then creepy children and giant evil Pac-Man and brain machine and chart and--” 

“Hoagie, it’s okay,” Kuki said, approaching him gently. “It’s not your fault.” She turned to her boyfriend. “It’s Wally’s fault for not waiting for Abby to put in the code and setting off the alarm!” 

Hoagie shook his head. “Whatever! It doesn’t matter! If we don’t do something Abigail will...she’ll...” 

“Okay...it’s okay...” Kuki lifted her hands up and down. “Breathe. In. Out.” 

“I know how to breathe.” 

Kuki gave him a smile, one that you would give a child when they were throwing a tantrum. “It’ll be okay. Just try and clam down.” She leaned into Wally. “He doesn’t handle pressure very well,” she whispered to him. 

“Fuck you! I handle pressure just fine!” Hoagie snapped. 

Wally smirked. “Clearly.”

“No. You know what?” Hoagie stepped back from them. “I have been fucking calm this whole time! My brother was kidnapped! I had to spend yesterday with my abusive ex-girlfriend! A complete stranger knows more about my childhood than I do! Some weird people have been spying on me, stealing my research! We have been on the run for two days straight with no food and no sleep, but I sucked it up! I sucked it up because that’s what you do. You bite your tongue and you deal with it. Doesn’t make it any less fucked! So I’m sorry if I’m a bit on edge because the world is in chaos and the person who may be able fix it is gone and I’m the only one who seems to give a shit!” 

Wally and Kuki stood in silence. Even in the dimmed room, they could see Hoagie’s body moving up and down, the sound of the air scraping against his trachea, trying to enter and escape at the same time. After a while, it slowed as they watched him bring an arm to eyes, rubbing them beneath his glasses. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” he tried to backtrack. 

“Hey, Man. No worries,” Wally said, putting a hand up to stop him. “So what you got, Science Boy? How we gonna go about this?” 

Hoagie scratched the back of his hat. “I don’t exactly have a plan...” 

“Plan shman!” Kuki’s high-pitched voice rang out. The lights in the room flashed on. Hoagie and Wally shielded their eyes as they adjusted to the blinding led lights. “We have this!” 

That’s when they saw it. Rows and rows of artillery, full-sized tanks, missiles the size of busses, guns, bombs, jets, and of course, rocket ships. It was a military’s wet dream. They looked around for Kuki, who had climbed to the top of one of the tanks, waving at them. She kicked her feet up and down gleefully. There was a fire in her eyes that had never been there before, a sadistic joy seeping out so subtle that most would ride it off as determination. 

“Let’s blow ‘em to pieces.” 

Abby rolled out of the orb, her arms immediately grabbing for the wooden box that had gotten sucked up with her. She looked around, the tall bookshelves and long hallway indicated to her exactly where she was. A groan escaped her lips as she stood up. Seven years and Father still hadn’t redecorated the place. It was like stepping into a time capsule. 

“Well, well, well,” a choir of voices sang out. “What a pleasant surprise. Abigail Lincoln...” They flashed their white perfect smiles her way. “Aren’t you getting too old to play this game?” 

Abby turned, peering into the soulless blue eyes of the Delightful Children From Down The Lane. Her lips curved up into a tiny smile, one that only she could feel. “Never too old to kick yo’ butt.” 

The Delightful Children scowled collectively. “How do you even remember who we are? The Kids Next Door took your memories as soon as you turned thirteen!” 

Abby wiped the sweat off of her nose, now grinning visibly. “Guess Numbuh 5 was just too good at the job to let go.”

“No matter,” The Delightful Children shook their heads. “Father will be most pleased with this turn of events. Perhaps he may even praise us by serving carrots for dinner!” 

Abby’s grin was wiped clean off. “Y’all are one messed up family.” 

“And you aren’t worthy of the honor of Adulthood!” The grimaced. “It’s not fair! A brat like you getting to grow old while perfect children like us are forced to wait an eternity to even be teenagers! It’s a cruel joke!” 

“You can say that again,” Abby whispered under her breath. 

“Father has been quite on edge lately. He spends all of his time being the Supreme Leader of the world that he barely has any time to spend with us. But if we gave you to him as a sacrifice...” Suddenly, the ground began to shake. The Delightful Children’s chair rose into the air as their anger grew. Two metal claw arms and legs sprouted from the chair. Abby held tightly to the box, shifting her weight as to not fall onto her butt. “We will certainly gain Father’s love.” 

“All those teen scientists that you imprisoned!” Abby shouted without thinking. “Those lives you ruined! Was that for Father’s love?” 

“How sweet...” They quipped back. “You actually care about those social rejects.” They lifted a giant metal clawed-arm into the air. 

SMASH! The metal arm slammed down to the floor, Abby diving to avoid its fatal blow. Abby leaned over the box, making sure that it stayed in one piece. That box was her one and only chance to get out of this place unharmed. She set the box down and moved to the other side of the room, waiting for the metal arm to swing back down. Predictably, it did. Abby dodged it, with barely enough space to avoid contact. As soon as it was down, she jumped onto the arm, running up the metal straight at the delightful children with the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. she took from Hoagie earlier. And while she knew she couldn’t knock all them out at once, she managed to get close enough to take out two of them. 

Then, almost like a gag, she shoved her nose up the blonde boy’s nose, yanking out a bloody booger. As soon as she got what she was looking for, she slid down the arm. The Delightful Children screamed in agony. 

“Our face! You’ve ruined our perfect face!” they squealed. “You’ll pay for that!” 

Abby grinned, sticking her bloody finger into a hole in the box. “Smile for the camera,” she said. She rotated the crank on the outside as it played a fast version of ‘pop goes the weasel’. But as it reached the end of the song, nothing happened.

Her face fell. 

She tried again. Nothing. 

She could hear the Delightful Children’s laughter coming from above her. No...This couldn’t be. 

“That was your plan?” they mocked her through their laughs. “You’re even more of an idiot than we thought.” 

Abby couldn’t speak. “But...no, it was...why would he...” 

“Fool. Why in the world would Father fix that piece of junk? Bringing back Grandfather was the worst decision he had ever made, so as soon as he got his hands on it, he broke it. Childhood memories bring nothing but pain. Only a moron would think otherwise.” 

The box fell apart in her hands, the faulty screws no longer holding place. It collapsed to the ground like papier-mâché, along with any hope she had lingering inside of it. Idiot. She was such an idiot. Of course Father wouldn’t have wanted the recommissioning module. Why would he want to take that risk? She had walked right into a trap, a trap she had made for herself. 

She was stuck. There was no getting out of it. She had made a grave mistake, and now the mission was in jeopardy. Seven years she was out of the field. She was rusty. She was fragile, and now, she was totally screwed. 

Abby didn’t do anything as she felt the cold steel clasp around her body. She struggled on impulse, but she knew that it was pointless. The claw lifted her up in the air, squeezing her arms against her ribs. She could hardly breathe. 

“How disappointing,” the Delightful Children said. “We thought this fight would be much more exciting.” 

“Go choke on a straw,” she said weakly, the metal crushing her lungs. The claw squeezed tighter. 

“Now, now,” the Delightful Children said, unable to hide the sadistic pleasure they were feeling. “No need to be uncivil. Especially when we are prepared to offer you a deal.” 

“...A deal?” 

“Why, yes. Despite what you may believe, you are an Adult now. Surely you understand the nature of an accord.” 

Abby lifted her head, noticing that the two she had knocked out earlier had now come to. “Ain’t interested.” 

“Oh, you will be.” They grinned sickeningly, folding their hands together under their chins. “We know why you’re here, Numbuh 5: Ex-Soopreme Leader of the Kids Next Door Moon Base.” 

Abby grimaced. “I dunno what you’re talkin’ about.” 

“We’re both after the same thing. And if we work together, we can both get what we want. Any reasonable Adult would understand.” 

“I said I ain’t interested!” Abby squirmed. 

“Then I suppose you would rather spend the rest of your days in the broccoli mines. You and the husks you used to call your friends.” 

“Leave them outta this!” 

“How does it feel, Abigail? To know that your former teammates are all grown up? They don’t even remember your name. It probably hurts every day knowing that you’ll never truly be with them again. Seeing you in that much pain is such a joy.” 

Abby hung her head, trying not to let the words sink into her heart. “Shut up.”

“They are with Father now. In proper society. Where they belong.” Their voices got quieter. “And he will do with them whatever he pleases.” 

“If you hurt them...”

“Oh, we wouldn’t dream of it, Abigail,” the sneered. “So long as we have our understanding.” 

“What do you want?” she spat, her breath getting shallower. 

They lifted the claw up higher off the ground, their faces now level with Abby’s. “Where is Nigel Uno?” 

“Onward!” Kuki called, her finger pointing toward the exit. “I think I heard something from upstairs!” 

“Upstairs?” Hoagie panted, unable to keep up, the map in his hands. “Well, that gets rid of the tank idea.” 

Kuki frowned, looking down from the giant tank she was sitting in. “Aww. No fair. I wanted to blow em all to Satan’s playground!” 

Wally kicked it with his combat boot. “With this piece’a shit? It don’t even take real ammo. Just weird pink goopy stuff. I thought we were gonna finally get some real weapons!” 

“We’ll just take what we can carry,” Hoagie said, pulling the S.C.A.M.P.P. around to the front of his chest. With that, he headed up the stairs in a kind of blind focus, the map crumpled in his left hand. Kuki was starting to worry for him. Sure, she wanted to save Abby just like they all did, but she could sense something else behind his eyes, something dark and covered in a thick fog. Suddenly, she felt a warm hand slip into her icy cold one. She looked up to see Wally giving her a confident smile. 

“You ready to become heroes?” 

Kuki nodded. They walked up the stairs together. 

They followed the source of the earlier noise, which had now stopped completely. Wally and Kuki had grabbed more weapons from the artillery safe, but Hoagie clung to Abby’s S.C.A.M.P.P. alone. Kuki’s expert hearing allowed them to locate the room quicker than they had expected. Hoagie pressed his ear against the door, hearing muffling noises from the other side. Gently, he cracked open the door, peering into the scene. Wally and Kuki’s heads stacked over his. They saw The Delightful Children, Abby, and the giant robot arm that was crushing her. 

Kuki gasped, but Wally slammed his hand over her mouth. 

“What’re they sayin’?” He asked Hoagie. 

Hoagie listened closely, but he couldn’t make anything out. “I can’t tell. It’s too muffled.” 

Kuki shoved herself away from her boyfriend, pushing Hoagie over aggressively. “You’re both useless!” She whispered, peeking her own ear into the room. 

“Can you-” 

“Shh!” 

“We’ll ask you one last time...” The Delightful Children were getting impatient. “Where is--” 

Abby interrupted them by making a raspberry sound with her tongue. 

“Where is--” 

She did it again. 

“Ugh! Why you--” 

And again. 

“Stop that!” 

And one final time.

“Ugh! That’s it! We’re calling Father!” 

They pulled up a large television screen by voice command. Abby tried to catch her breath. She would only have to keep this up for another minute or so. She was certain she would pass out soon. When that happened, she could only hope that the others had made the smart decision and went for the exit. 

Suddenly, Father’s face, shrouded in his usual black suit, appeared on screen. The Delightful Children’s eyes lit up as much as they could. “Father! You’ll never believe-” 

“How many times to I have to tell you not to call me at work!” Came the 40-year-old man’s response. “Your Father is very busy!” 

“We know, Father. But--” 

“I don’t have time to deal with your petty little problems. Being a full-time single Dad, the ruler of the entire planet, when’s a guy ever get some time to himself?” 

“Yes. But Father!” The Delightful Children pleaded. “Look what we--” 

“Huh? What?” Father had stopped paying attention. “I told you to deal with it yourself! Whatever it is, it can wait until after my 3:00.” 

“But-” 

“Don’t call me on this phone again.” 

The screen went blank. The children sighed, knowing that it would be a long time before they would get another opportunity. They looked at Abby who was almost unconscious. “He never listens. We’ll just have to take our prisoner to Father ourselves. Then he will be pleased with us. Once Father’s experiment is complete, you and your team will finally see things our way.” 

So that was it. 

Kuki gasped again. 

“Kuki stop doin’ that!” Wally whispered, frantically. “Someone might hear you.” 

“They’re going to take her to Father!” She exclaimed as quietly she could. “I think. It’s hard to tell what they’re saying. They all talk at the same time.” 

Hoagie shook his head in surprise. “How?!” 

Kuki shrugged. “I dunno but it’s creepy.” 

“Let’s just go in there and kick their rich asses,” Wally said. 

“We can’t,” Hoagie said. “They might hurt Abigail. And besides, they’re just children. We can’t beat up children.” 

Wally scowled. “Ain’t children the reason we’re in this mess to begin with?” 

“It doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t be fair.” 

“Fair?!” 

“We’re bigger, and stronger, and considering that Father is their...well, yeah. They clearly didn’t have a stable upbringing.” 

Wally frowned. “Why should that matter? They’re evil!” 

“We’re not fighting children,” Hoagie repeated, sternly. 

A puff of air came out of Wally’s mouth. “Who died’n made you boss?” 

“You really wanna go there right now?” 

“Yeah! I do!” Wally spat back. “Or did you forget whose bloody fault it was Abby got captured in the first place!” 

“Okay! Knock it off!” Kuki interjected, pulling out her S.P.I.C.E.R. “I swear I will fire this thing up both of your butts!” 

Suddenly, Hoagie’s face lightened. “Hey Kuki, lemmie see that.” He took the S.P.I.C.E.R., flipping it over and over again to examine it fully. 

“So if we ain’t gonna beat em up, what’s our next move?” 

Hoagie lifted the weapon into the air. “We stick to the original plan.” 

Wally and Kuki looked at each other. “The original plan?” 

Hoagie’s glasses slid down to the bottom of his nose, a wickedly determined smile appearing on his face. “Let’s blow em to pieces.” 

Kuki loved cheering. For as long as she could remember, she loved the idea of encouraging people in a loud and obvious way. And now, she was cheering for a real cause. Hoagie had told her to go out and distract while Wally snuck in with their secret weapon. The Delightful Children did not enjoy her cheering, and she was certain this wasn’t what Hoagie meant when he said “distract” them, but this was the best thing she knew how to do. 

Wham! One of the metal arms rained down on her, but she dodged it with ease, doing a triple back handspring and landing in a fist pump to the sky. She looked over at Abby, who appeared unresponsive to any of this. They needed to do something quickly. 

“2, 4, 6, 8!” She shouted. “Who will we eliminate!” 

“Shut up you annoying-- Who let you in here?” The Delightful Children yelled back, unable to recognize Kuki due to the considerable changes she had undergone as a teen. 

“9, 10, 11, 12! Guess who you will see in Hell!” she continued. “Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini! Yellow-polka-dot bikini!” 

“Tape...” Hoagie held out his hand. Wally reached into Hoagie’s backpack and pulled out a large wad of masking tape, handing it to him. 

“You sure this’ll work?” he asked. 

Hoagie sighed. “No. But it’s the best chance we have.” 

It was quiet for a moment. “Hey, Gilligan, about, you know, what I said earlier...about this bein’ your fault...” 

“It was my fault,” he said simply. “I was weak and careless, and I ran away like a coward. Is that what you want to say?” 

“No,” He said, even though in his head it was kind of true. 

“I know you think I’m cold,” Hoagie interrupted him, not looking up from his work. “And that I don’t care what happens to anyone but myself. But you’re wrong. I don’t give a shit about what happens to me. But that doesn’t mean I’m allowed to be reckless with other people’s lives.” He twisted the last screw on his new device. “So call me whatever you want. In the end, we both know I couldn’t have saved her alone.” He handed the modified bomb to Wally. 

Wally smiled, his face softer than usual. “Then let’s do this.” 

Hoagie nodded. “Kuki’s distracting them...” 

“Got it.” 

“So you sneak in and make sure they don’t see you and then-” 

“Mate,” He put his hand on Hoagie’s shoulder. “I got it. Just tell me where you want this thing.” 

“Wherever you think will make the biggest impact,” Hoagie said. “I trust your judgement. Just make sure you get out of there before it explodes, and I’ll take care of the rest.” 

Wally stood up. “Yeah, yeah, okay Mum.” 

“Wally...” Hoagie’s voice caught. “Be careful.” 

Wally blushed. “Sh-Shut up.” He tried to hide his reddening cheeks as he snuck into the room. “Freakazoid.” 

Hoagie pressed himself against the wall, clutching the S.C.A.M.P.P. as tightly to him as possible. Wally was taking his time, though the task he had been given took quite a bit more effort than they would have preferred. He felt his mind start to reel again, questions of ‘what if’ coiling around him like a snake. His eyes clenched shut. Dwelling on what may happen wasn’t going to do him any good. He knew that. But at this point, the fear of getting caught swallowed him. This wasn’t about Tommy anymore. It wasn’t a game of waiting for the social order to be re-established, where everyone would be saved in the end. 

People were dead. There was no getting around that. Nothing could be done for them. Guilt started to seep into his breath. He could have been one of them. This sole fact had frozen him. Visions of Tommy flashed through his head, Tommy who would always be waiting for him, who, child or not, was still alive. And Abigail, whose life would become nothing more than a bragging tool if they succeeded in capturing her. Something deep inside him lurched when he thought about it that way. What would they do to her? The same thing they did to the others? Or something worse...

His back stiffened. He couldn’t do this anymore. The more he thought, the more fearful he became. The more the fear took hold of him, the less motivated he was to move. It wasn’t even for his own safety, or fear of losing. He didn’t know why. He was stuck. Biting his lip, he tightened his grip on the S.C.A.M.P.P. 

This was all backwards. Fear shouldn’t make him stop. It should make him act. No matter the result, he had to act. 

Deep breath.   
Count to ten.   
Point 

and shoot. 

Wally hung on the back of the giant robot as the Delightful Children frantically chased Kuki around, who was enjoying the backflips and exhibitions of strength which had made her famous throughout McClintock High. He was torn by the fact that she was putting herself in danger and also found her strength and courage inspiring. When the robot had finally stopped moving, he was able to light the fuse on the bomb with his lighter. He leapt up and skidded across the ground, shouting “Now!”. He and Kuki ran to the opposite sides of the room as the bomb exploded, disabling the mechanisms of the robotic suit. Pink slop splattered all over its back. 

“Alright!” Wally exclaimed, pumping his fist into the air. 

“Way to go, Wally!” Kuki cheered. 

“Why you--!” The Delightful Children screamed but could not turn around and grab at him. “Get back here!” Suddenly, they froze. “Wait. If you’re...then she...then that means...” 

“Hey!” Hoagie slid out from behind the doorway, his shoes scuffing the hardwood. He aimed the S.C.A.M.P.P. at the metal arm and shot out the lazar. It threw him back a couple of inches, but once he managed to keep it steady, he was able to slice off the arm. It crashed to the ground, an unconscious Abby with it. 

“It can’t be!” The Delightful Children gasped. “You’re...you’re all supposed to be--” 

“Now look at that,” Hoagie pushed up his glasses shooting the gun again and taking off the other mechanical arm. “You’ve been completely dis-armed.” 

The Delightful Children snarled. “Gilligan!” 

The machine started to come towards him, but Hoagie stepped back. “Though I guess you never really had a leg to stand on...” Slice, the first leg came off. Then the second. The robot fell to the ground with a thud. Hoagie lifted a hand to his head, his nose flaring as he realized what he said. “God, that was lame...” he whispered beneath his breath before a light smile appeared across his lips. 

But not as lame as they’re gonna be, he thought to himself. He couldn’t help that one. The good thing was, no one appeared to hear his stupid one-liners, which he had apparently failed to flush out of his system. 

“Ugh!” The Delightful Children plugged their ears. “You idiot! Do you have any idea how much this cost?” 

Kuki ran to the middle of the room, picking up the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. and walking towards the now completely immobilized Delightful Children. 

“No...no! Get away!” 

“Nighty night!” She said, slapping them unconscious. “Don’t let the land sharks bite!” 

“Woohoo! Did you see that?” Wally ran to his girlfriend, picking her up in his arms and swinging her around. “We totally fucked them up!” 

“Yeah we did!” Kuki said between her fits of laughter. “What a rush! I feel all tingly inside!” 

“I feel like I could kick a hole in the moon! You were amazing!” 

“No, you were amazing!” 

“Yeah, I was amazing, wasn’t I? But you were even more amazing!” 

“Abigail!” Hoagie shouted, dropping his gun. His outcry disrupted the celebration as the others were reminded of the situation. He strapped his arms over the claw, prying it off. “Quick! Come help me!” 

It took all three of them to eventually unclasp the giant metal prongs. Abby lay there, unconscious but still breathing, her hat had fallen off of her head. Hoagie knelt down beside her, lifting her up over his knee. Her body was bruised, most notably around the arms and stomach areas which were not protected by clothing. “Kuki...” he said softly. “How is she?” 

Kuki placed a hand on Abby’s stomach, moving her arms around to check for fractures. “Nothing broken. Looks like minor injuries, maybe a bruised rib, but I’d have to do a full examination to be sure.” 

“Hey...” Wally knelt in front of her. “Abby.” He shook her slightly. He pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and waved it around. “Abby, look! It’s your favorite...processed sugar...” 

“Don’t tease her!” Kuki snapped. 

But just as she said that, Abigail Lincoln began to stir. She opened her eyes, seeing Kuki first, then Wally, and finally Hoagie, who sighed a little too deeply with relief when he saw her irises. 

She groaned, holding her head. “What happened?” 

“What happened?” Wally sat back. “We fuckin’ saved your ass! That’s what happened!” 

Abby looked at him confused for a moment, squinting in his direction. Her eyes moved over to the giant smoking robotic machine, which had collapsed feet away from her. She blinked, still not registering what she was seeing. “Y...Y’all fought the Delightful Children? By yo’selves?” 

“Fought and conquered!” Kuki announced. 

“You should’a seen it!” Wally got up and reenacted the fight, sound effects and all. “First they were all, ‘we’re gonna turn you in,’ n’ we were like ‘no fuckin’ way, bitch!’...” he continued on, detailing everyone’s part of the fight, praising both Kuki and Hoagie for their contributions. He looked at Kuki. “That part when you did all those backflips an’ they got all dizzy!” Then, he turned to Hoagie. “And this guy!” He ran around, putting his arm around Hoagie’s neck in a light choke hold, noogying him with the other. “He was like the terminator with that thing! Hasta la Vista, Baby! And then boom!” Wally fell over Hoagie’s shoulder, his head resting on the clavicle. “It was insane.” 

“Yep!” Kuki grinned. “And we won!” 

Wally went back to Kuki’s side, sitting down. “About time we started pullin’ our own weight, don’t you think?” 

“Like a real team.” Kuki stuck out her pointer and middle fingers on one hand, making a V. “Sector V-for-Victory!” 

Abby’s eyes widened. It took all her strength not to tear up at that moment, but she knew her sentiment would have to wait until they were safely on their way to the G:KND. So instead, she smiled and nodded, starting to push herself up. She winced slightly, her stomach and ribs still sore. 

“Whoa! Careful!” Hoagie said, putting his hands up to spot her. 

But Abby sat up without his help. “It’s fine. Abby’s been through way worse than a couple’a bruises.” 

Hoagie retracted his hands as Abby stood up. “Are you sure?” 

She held out her hand to him and grinned. Hoagie took it but made sure he used his own strength to stand. She radiated with that same warm glow that she always had, something akin to a warm fire on a snowy day or the orange burn of the setting sun. In a world that was so closed off and private, that warmth was almost foreign to him. Maybe that was why he was so stunned by it. 

Abby let go as soon as he was up, walking over to inspect the damage. “Whoo, Baby. That’s some knock-out.” She leaned down towards them, placing a single hand on one of their cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I couldn’t do anything this time.” She exhaled. “Someday we’ll get you back.” 

Kuki wandered over to the other side of the room where she saw the small wooden pieces. She scooped them up in her arms. “I found your box thingy,” she said, making her way towards Abby. “Sorry it...kinda broke a little bit.” 

Abby kept her head down. “It ain’t important,” she said with a heavy voice. She stood to her feet. “Let’s just keep going.” 

Wally pouted, crossing his arms. “What is it, anyway?” 

Abby stopped, her shoulders lifting and then falling. “It’s called a recommissioning module. Ideally...” she stammered trying to gather her thoughts. “It can bring back the memories of decommissioned operatives. I knew it’d been fixed before--” She stopped before she got to Nigel. “Father had it all this time.” 

“You tried to use that thing on the Bratty Brigade?” Wally asked, not quite putting the pieces together. 

Hoagie’s jaw fell. “Which means the Delightful Children are actually...” 

“Ex-Kids Next Door agents...” Kuki realized. “Just like us.” She looked back down at the assorted pieces wood and wire in her hands. She heard Abby call back to her, her voice further away than before. 

“Leave it, Kuki,” she said. 

Kuki ran after her, the others following behind. “But Abby!” She stumbled on her way to catch up. “Isn’t this what we need? To get our memories back? This might be the only way! That way when we see Nigel Uno we’ll know what to do!” 

“It’s impossible,” she stated, turning to her. “It’d be a waste of time.” 

“Hoagie can do it!” A loud, enthusiastic Australian voice came behind them. 

Hoagie froze. “Hoagie can do what?” he asked, nervously. 

Wally put his arm around him and grinned. “He’s good at science stuff! It’d be a piece’a cake! Right, Jimmy Johns?” 

“I don’t-” 

“He’s a fuckin’ genius. The real deal.” He squeezed his new friend. “If anyone can fix that hunk-a-junk, it’s this guy right here. I guarantee it!” 

“Can I interject-” 

But Wally tightened his grip further, whispering in his ear. “C’mon, Gilligan. Do it for the lady. Don’t hurt to try.” 

Abby looked at Hoagie, who had shrunk completely out of embarrassment. Of course she knew he could fix it. After all, he was starting to build one before without any knowledge of 2x4 technology. But asking him to do so would have been an unreasonable request. On top of everything he and the others had been through, it would be one more pressure to put on them and herself. Still, at this point she couldn’t see another way of reaching their goal. The way things were now, she would have to take care of the combat, the flying, the management, things that she really didn’t consider when she had gone on this rampage. Yet, in that moment, she did not regret her decision one bit. 

“Could you?” She ended up saying, in spite of herself. 

She watched his face fall as he stared at her. “I...I guess so. I mean, I can try.” 

The blonde leech which had stuck himself to him, slapped him on the back. “That’s the spirit! Go big’er go home!” 

Abby grinned as she looked at her friends. 

Don’t get your hopes up. 

There’s always a chance it won’t work.

It’s old.

It might be irreparable. 

Don’t get your hopes up. 

The idea of seeing her teammates again was too overwhelming for her. Maybe everything could go back to the way it was. 

“Thank you,” she said. “All of you. For everything.” She reached up to the top of her head, only to realize that she had left her hat in the other room. “Ah shit!” she shouted, rushing over to get it. 

Wally smirked. “Looks like she’s okay.” 

“Why did you say that? I can’t fix the recommissioning module,” Hoagie whispered to him. “The technology is ancient. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” 

But Wally put a firm hand on his shoulder. “Mate, it ain’t about fixin’ the damn thing. We’re just givin’ her somethin’ to look forward to. In times like these, even the slightest bit’a hope can make a difference.” He walked away. “And who knows? Maybe a miracle will happen.” 

“This whole mission is going to take a miracle.” 

“That’s the spirit!” He clutched his fist. “We just gotta keep pushin’ forward. Right, Kuki?” 

Kuki smiled brightly. “V-for-Victory!” 

“That’s right,” Wally announced proudly. “V-for-Victory.” 

There was a long silent pause that settled into the area. It was quite a while before someone finally spoke. It was Wally who broke that silence.

“Nigel Uno is...” Wally thought aloud. 

“NUMBER ONE??!” He and Kuki exclaimed simultaneously. 

Hoagie rolled his eyes. “No shit, you guys.” 

Abby finished carrying in the last bag of food onto the ship, which they had flown out of the Delightful Children’s Mansion and was now parked right by where the tunnel system let out. She plopped the bag on the ground, wiping her brow. 

Kuki gasped. “He was the bald kid!” 

“The bloke in the sunglasses!” Wally added. 

“Ugh. How did we not figure that out?” 

Hoagie crossed his arms. “Why didn’t you just tell us before?” 

Abby sat down in a chair, which was much bigger than what she needed, stretching her hands over the armrests. “Abby didn’t want you to think she was doin’ this just ‘cause’a some guy she used to know,” she said. “Numbuh 1 was the leader of our team. He was considered to be the greatest Kids Next Door Operative on Earth. That’s why the G:KND took him. I mean...” She sighed. “That’s why he decided to leave. I he ain’t come back since.” 

Hoagie frowned. “Didn’t he try and keep in contact at all?” 

“At first,” Abby said. “But you know how it goes, Baby. Things get busy. People get older. It ain’t nobody’s fault. Besides, there ain’t no reason a kid who wants to stay a kid forever would want to keep in contact with a teenager.” 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Kuki said, consolingly. 

“Point is,” Abby sat up more, folding her hands together. “He’s the reason we’re in this mess. I know Nigel. I know he probably thinks he’s in the right. But he’s made a mistake. And there’s always the chance that he’s in some kinda trouble out there. I guess I thought...” She paused again. “Seein’ you again might get him to change his mind.” 

Hoagie nodded. “And if we had our memories back, that would make the argument all the more convincing. We’d be able to cater to his nostalgic impulses.” 

Abby laughed. “You make it sound like some great master plan.” 

Hoagie stopped. “Isn’t...that what it is?” 

“No,” Abby shook her head. “It ain’t as complicated as all that.” Her eyes were soothing as she looked at him. His glasses had slid to the bottom of his nose again. “You wanna fly us out, Ace?” 

Hoagie’s face turned red. “M-Me?” 

“Just kiddin’,” Abby said. 

It was worth a shot. 

“Y’all might wanna buckle up,” she said, flipping the first few switches on the dashboard. As she did, the ground started to shake, causing the three teens to fall on their buts. The ship started lifting into the air. At first it was slow, but soon enough the ship accelerated in speed, moving forward and launching the students to the back of the flight deck. 

They were high into the sky now, the buildings below resembling white building blocks. Hoagie sat in the back of the room, having found a wide window to look out of. He couldn’t believe it. He was flying. Actually flying. He tucked his arms underneath his legs, holding his thighs. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine the wind bustling through his hair, the taste of vapor misting his face. He hadn’t been allowed on a plane since his father’s passing. His mother was too afraid of something going wrong. Still, he liked to imagine what it was like to soar above the clouds, above the world and all of its misery. It was a simple dream, he supposed. Not very unique or interesting. But for him, it was the simplicity of it that made it all the more desirable. 

Below, he could see a larger blue spec, no doubt belonging to the Delightful Children’s Mansion. His eyes narrowed as he gripped himself tighter. He really hadn’t had time to take everything in. It all happened so fast, like a dream. Tommy, Abigail Lincoln, the Kids Next Door...he still wasn’t sure what to make of it all. 

“Oh wow! You can see everything from up here!” A high-pitched voice said. Hoagie looked up to see Kuki. She peered out the window, her fingers sprawled across the glass, with her already turned-up nose pressed up against it. Pulling out the camera from her back pocket, she started to snap a few pictures. “Amazing!” 

“Yeah...” Hoagie replied, still in a bit of a daze. He watched Kuki excitedly take photos with her disposable camera, the flash no doubt ruining every single one of them. “Hey, Kuki...” he said. “Do you...think we did the right thing?” 

Kuki stopped, putting down her camera and looking his direction. She hadn’t expected this. 

“I mean stealing from those kids.” 

Kuki slid down to a seat, facing toward him. “They were bad guys. You saw what they did to Abby.” 

“Yeah, but-” Hoagie struggled to find the words. He stared out the window at the open horizon. “They’re still just kids.” He leaned toward the edge of the glass again. “I feel bad for them. Imagine. Growing up in that huge house. Completely alone. No friends. No love. Anyone who had to live that way would probably turn out the same.” 

Kuki pouted. “I don’t think so.” She kicked her toes as Hoagie’s eyes darted to her. “Even if you have a bad family, you can still choose to be good. I bet if they tried super hard, they could be heroes too. Plus, didn’t Abby say they were in the Kids Next Door? They must have been good at some point if that’s true.” 

Hoagie looked away from her. “But even then...” His eyes glossed over. “It doesn’t change the situation. It’s not an excuse but saying everyone has an equal chance to be good, saying it like it’s just a thing you can be if you want it...it’s just not true. Some people have to try harder than others.” He exhaled, his mind now completely in a haze. “It’s hard to erase things that have been carved into you.” 

“Hoagie...” Kuki’s body sank slightly. She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the warm cotton of her sweater on her skin. “I’m sorry.” 

Hoagie’s mind came into focus. He sat upright, his face moving her direction again. “For what?” 

Kuki shook her head. “Nothing just...” She hugged herself tighter. “I’m sorry.” 

Suddenly, the floor shook, sending Kuki onto her back with a thud. She groaned as she pulled herself back up. 

“Are you alright?” Hoagie called out to her. She nodded, her face still scrunched. Hoagie looked around the area. “What was that?” 

Kuki climbed back over to the window, pressing her forehead against the glass. “I think you mean what is that?” She pointed to a small black spot in the distance. 

The door busted open, Wally’s sweaty face poking through frantically. “We’re bein’ attacked!” he shouted. “Those damn kids followed us! They’re right on our tail!” The three of them rushed to the control room, where they saw Abby gripping what looked to be the steering mechanism. 

“They’ve found us,” she said. “Wally, man the cannon. Don’t let’em outta your sight!” 

Hoagie bit his lip. “Cannon?” The ship shook again. Abby pulled a hard right, sending the others backwards. They got up, trying to pull themselves into the smaller seats surrounding the flight deck. 

“Everybody okay?” Abby asked. They didn’t have a chance to respond before an image appeared on a communication screen before them. Five children with eerily dull blue eyes glared at the rebels. 

“How cute,” they spoke simultaneously. “Abby has created herself a little makeshift army.” They grinned. “Your desperation is delicious.” 

Hoagie flattened his brow. “They do all talk at the same time...” 

Wally shuddered. “Creepy as fuck. Creepy. As. Fuck.” 

“Silence!” The children demanded. “How dare you defile those beautiful Adult bodies!” They sighed. “No matter. Once we blast you out of the sky, there will be peace and quiet once more.” 

“Incoming!” Kuki shouted, having been monitoring the other screen. Abby steered the ship, barely missing the attack. 

“Mothah F-” 

The Delightful Children howled with laughter. “Is that really all you can do? How pathetic! The once great Sector-V! Reduced to such mediocrity! How amusing!” 

“Will somebody please shut them up!” Abby yelled. 

“I’ll shut em up...” Wally said, moving towards the cannon’s control panel, or what he assumed to be it. A video-game-like controller was attached to a monitor. This would be much easier than he thought. “Hey Delightful Dicks!” He jeered. “Time to say Ariba-Der-Chee!” 

“Ugh!” They groaned over the intercom. “You vulgar little pests! You’ll pay for that!” 

Wally plastered on a wicked grin. “Heh. Listen you Ass-lickin’ Thunder-Dicks. To me there’s only three good things about bein’ an Adult. Sex, Drugs, and CUSSIN’ THE FUCK OUTTA PRUDES LIKE YOU!” He fired the cannon, blasting them with the pink sludge from earlier. All the while, he shouted profanities, each one getting more grotesque until the others no longer knew what he was even saying. Suddenly, the swearing stopped. 

The cannon missed. 

What used to be a bright blue sky was now darkening. “We’re comin’ into the Ozone,” Abby called out to her team. 

Hoagie and Kuki ran to the front of the ship. “What is that?!” Hoagie gasped, pointing towards a massive pink wall appearing out of nowhere. 

“The Earth’s been quarantined,” Abby said. “That must be the barrier.” 

Kuki’s gasped. “Ohh. You meant that literally.” 

“You fools!” The Delightful Children berated. “You have been betrayed by your own kind. You’ll never escape from this planet!” They smiled. “Father will be most pleased when he sees how well we have done.” 

“We’ll see, Cock-Suckers!” Wally grinned as he rapid-fired again rambo-style. “Suck my fat dick!” 

But the Delightful Children just continued to laugh. “Pathetic! You are all pathetic! Without your precious Numbuh One you are nothing.” 

“We have to turn around!” Hoagie screamed. “That thing’ll smash us to pieces!” 

“I can’t!” Abby shouted back. “We’ve built up too much momentum!” The ground shook as they took another hit. 

Hoagie turned to Abby. “You got a plan?” 

“Bitch, does it look like I got a plan?” She snapped. There was a pause. “Sorry.” 

“Understandable.” 

“Uh oh.” Wally slunk down. 

Abby was tense. “Nuh-uh. Don’t say uh oh. Why uh oh?” 

Wally put on a sheepish grin. “I may have run out of ammo.” 

“You what!” 

“Perfect,” The Delightful Children cooed. “A fitting end to your pitiful existence.” 

“That’s it!” Kuki screeched. She pulled out the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. and smashed her side of the control panel. The screen went dead. Everyone’s faces fell. “Man, they were so annoying!” 

Wally gulped. “Kuki...what did you do?” 

“What?” She shrugged. “We’re gonna die anyway.” 

Hoagie put his hands to his head. “This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.” 

“They’re gaining!” Wally called. 

“We’re runnin’ outta time!” Abby frantically tried to turn the ship, but it was no use. “Prepare for impact!” 

“Wait!” Kuki exclaimed. “This is--” 

They hit the barrier, however they were not destroyed on impact. Instead, they were pushed forward into it, like a latex balloon. The ship slowed down to a stop. Kuki grabbed the controls, much to Abby’s protest, and spun the ship around like a top, everyone grabbing onto their chairs and being thrown all around the flight deck. The pink goo stuck to the sides of the ship as it spun, twisting the sticky substance all around the edges of the ship. When she straightened out again, the ship flung backwards, but was caught inside the barrier. They watched as the Delightful Children’s ship crashed beside them, only the silhouette visible through the pink overlay. Yet unlike their ship, the Delightful Children were flung backwards like a slingshot, careening back to earth. The teens found their footing again, thinking they were going to be sick. 

Abby’s face was flat. “What just happened?” 

Kuki leapt up, her cheeks burning with pride. “I was right! We did it!” 

“Are you nuts, Kuki?” Wally stomped over to her, his face stunned and stern. “You could’a gotten us all killed!” 

“But Wally, don’t you see? The barrier wasn’t solid! I saw it earlier and I wasn’t sure what it was, but now I am!” 

“You broke our communication! You got us stuck in the middle-a space! And now we’re trapped in some gooey mess!” 

“It’s not goo, Wally! It’s-” 

“Bubble gum.” Abby’s brows lifted. 

“Yeah!” 

“How do you know that?” Hoagie said, finally finding his way to a standing position. 

“I can smell it,” Abby said. She sniffed the air. “High concentrations of processed sugar, pink food coloring, Ethyl methylphenylglycidate.” Sniff. “That’s gum alright.” 

But Hoagie wasn’t convinced. “How could there be a bubble of gum in space? Space is a vacuum. It would have either imploded or froze in the low temperatures.” 

Abby shook her head. “I know what I know. And that, right there, is bubble gum.” 

Wally winced. “Gross.” 

“If Kuki hadn’t gotten us stuck, we would’a been a meteor headin’ for earth by now.” She looked at the excited girl. “Good work, Soldier.” 

Kuki blushed. 

Hoagie walked to the window, which was now covered in gum. He couldn’t breathe. He bit his lip again. 

“If yo’ worried about the Delightful Doofuses, don’t be.” Abby’s voice rang in his ear. “They’re KND agents who’ve been delightfulized. Their bodies are designed to withstand practically any amount of damage.” Hoagie turned back to her, startled by her ability to read his mind so easily. “They’ll be fine. Us on the other hand...” She looked around the area. “That might be a different story.” 

Two hours passed, and still there didn’t seem to be a solution to be found. Hoagie drummed his fingers on his lap. Abby stuck her feet on the control panel, her hat tipped over her face. They had enough food to last a whole week there if they needed, but if they didn’t get out soon, they were sure the Delightful Children would be back to take them out. 

“What dissolves gum...” he thought out loud. He supposed the physics of there being a gum-like substance that could exist through alien technology was possible, but he had no way of knowing how to counteract it. “Saliva.” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah. Great idea, Heisenburg. Let’s spit on it. That’ll make a difference.” 

“The enzymes in saliva break down the chemical properties in-” 

“Whoops, don’t care.” Wally got up and walked away from him. 

“Even if we could get enough saliva, the process of breakin’ down gum takes at least a couple’a hours.” Abby said beneath her hat. “We don’t have that kinda time.” 

Hoagie sunk down. “That’s true. And I don’t think it’s going to freeze either, not if the icy temperatures of space don’t have any effect on it.” 

Kuki frowned. “So what do we do?” 

“It’s gum,” Wally said. “Just blow a bubble and pop it.” 

Hoagie scowled. “And how do you propose we do that?” 

Wally shrugged. “I dunno. You’re the genius.” 

“If we had the cannons loaded we could try and blast it open,” Kuki said. 

“We can’t just push through,” Hoagie replied. “The barrier is too well-constructed. The only thing that will break it is something of equal power or an insane amount of pressure, which we don’t have access to.” 

Abby sat up, tipping up the brim of her hat. “Pressure.” She jumped out of the giant chair and went to the back of the room, opening a small door in the floor and jumping down. The others followed, realizing that there was a ladder descending into the rest of the ship. “Maybe if we load the cannons,” she explained. “We can fire enough pressure to push through to the other side.” 

The downstairs was entirely white, immaculate, the pinnacle of wealth and luxury. Abby walked with determination through the corridor, opening door after door. Finally, she stopped, finding what looked to be a kitchen. 

“What are you looking for?” Kuki asked. 

“The Delightful Children may be a bunch of brainwashed wannabe Adults, but deep down they’re still kids.” She pulled open a white closet and grinned. It was filled with packaged cupcakes, tiny boxes of cookies, and salty chips. The others looked at her, completely confused. She went to what looked to be a refrigerator and opened it, a flow of cool fog spilling out all over the floor. Inside, was just what she was hoping for. 

“Guess we won’t go hungry,” Hoagie remarked. 

Abby pulled out a can from the fridge. “This’ll be good enough.” 

“Is that beer?” Wally asked, getting his hopes up. Abby tossed him the can. 

“Root Beer.” 

Wally’s face fell. “Oh.” 

She adjusted her hat. “We may be able’ta bust outta here after all.” 

Abby ordered the boys to fill the cannons with as much soda as they could, opening each can and dumping it inside. Wally came to the conclusion that spitting on the gum would indeed be faster. Once that was finished, all four of them strapped themselves into the chairs, which thankfully were originally manned by the Delightful Children’s henchmen the Ice Cream Men, so size wasn’t an issue. 

“Okay, on my signal, fire everything we’ve got towards the back of the ship.” 

Wally’s hands shook as he took the controls. “You sure about this?” 

Abby prepared for launch. “Nope.” 

“Oh. Well in that case...” Wally said snidely. 

Kuki sat next in the chair next to him, her knuckles white from gripping the arm rests. “Wally...” 

“Don’t worry, Kuki,” He said. “Everything’s gonna be fine.” 

“Commencing in five...” Abby started the countdown. “Four...three...two...” 

Hoagie and Kuki squeezed their eyes tightly. 

“Fire!” 

Wally slammed his thumb on the launch button for the cannons, sending the soda out into space. The ship lurched forward but did not go very far. Kuki kept her eyes closed, but Hoagie opened his. He noticed the windows growing darker, as though they were being drowned in root beer. The gum was being slowly pushed off the sides of the ship. Kuki had created a complete gum bubble when she had gotten them stuck. Which meant...

“It’s going to work,” he whispered in shock. 

“Hang on!” Abby shouted. As the bubble got to the point where it could no longer hold the soda, Abby pounded on the acceleration. Sure enough the gum burst, sending the ship flying out into space completely out of control. Everyone screamed as the ship flipped around and spun in circles, moving further and further away from the initial barrier. 

And then as soon as it started, it was over. Everything was still, and for once the vastness of space fell before their window in all its beauty and all its intimidation. 

Wally unbuckled his seatbelt, not saying a word. He took Kuki by the hand, who also unbuckled her seatbelt and they left the room together. Hoagie made his way over to the front window. 

“Well. We’re in space.” 

“Yep.” Abby was also in a fog. 

Suddenly, Hoagie and Abby could hear some strange noises coming from the other room, some moaning, some thumping. In the quiet of space, it was as though it was happening right in front of them. 

“Are they-” 

“I don’t wanna think about it,” came Abby’s blunt response. 

The tension rose as the two of them awkwardly tried not to listen to the noises from the other room. They couldn’t blame Wally and Kuki, though. At this point they were all just lucky to be alive. 

“So,” Hoagie started again. “This Nigel Uno...” 

Abby tensed, trying to hide her apprehensive face. 

“Is he your boyfriend?” 

Abby smirked, a light blush running across her cheeks as she whacked him in the back of the head with her hat. 

On March 31st, 2015, it was decided that no human being should be allowed to exit the planet earth without written consent from the Galactic Kids Next Door. This rule was enacted by Earth Representative, Nigel Uno. 

He was confident in his decision. 

On April 1st, 2015, he got word that the barrier they had set to keep the earthlings within their own atmosphere, had been broken. A face popped into his mind when he heard this, then four, but he shook it off. 

Adulthood had claimed his friends long ago, as it would soon claim him. 

But this time, he was ready. 

This time, he had a plan. 

Nigel Uno, the greatest Kids Next Door operative from Earth, would be the last of his kind. 

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**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy so...
> 
> This was a project I started a long time ago. There's an old version still on Fanfiction.net that I haven't updated since 2015... It is a companion piece to my academic work in Graduate School, though the work in grad school was actually inspired by this project. To avoid spoilers, I didn't put any archive warnings just yet, however there is a warning at the beginning and I advise you HEED IT if you are one to get triggered. Individual warnings will be placed at the beginnings of chapters with their content explained in the end-notes. Again, to avoid spoilers. Though, let's be real if you're at all familiar with this material you pretty much know what's coming. If you don't and came upon this piece per recommendation of a friend or just stumbled upon it by peer happenstance...boy are you in for a ride. 
> 
> Plus, it's an unpolished draft so who knows what's gonna come out!!
> 
> This piece is experimental and chaotic. But if you hang in there, I think it will unlock some potent conversations about our relationship to childhood. At least, that's my hope. :)
> 
> AND SPEAKING OF CHILDHOOD 
> 
> If you want to read the academic thesis inspired by this project, the link is available on my website www.readingitwrong.com entitled "THE CARTOON EFFECT: Re-thinking comic violence in the animated children's cartoon." Even if you don't like the story, you might find this research interesting, especially if you grew up with shows like "Codename: Kids Next Door" and the Kids Rule! marketing campaigns of early to mid-2000s Nickelodeon. "KND" is particularly interesting to me because it was running between the fallout from 9/11 through the stock market crash and Obama's campaign in 2008. Which was quite a time to be alive. 
> 
> But like...it's a lot of thesis so you don't have to read it XD 
> 
> Anyway, if you choose to continue, thank you for coming on this journey with me. It has been a long time in the making...
> 
> (IMPORTANT EDIT): The content of this series was not written to directly represent any relevant ongoing crises happening in current events.


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